Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Never Not Singing I'm Too Sexy #23: Bientôt l'été

Branbekka has reviewed some weird games thus far on this journey, but Bean Tote Latte is just something else man. I don't know what that something is, but it sure is it.

 The game begins by first telling you it's nearly summer.

Telling you this now is as relevant and necessary as it is in the game.

Next, it asks you to choose a man or a woman. The people are in a weird hypersleep capsule, and I've seen Alien enough times to know that that means bad shit is going to happen soon.

Also, you can totally see that chick's boobs. It's by far the most satisfying part of the experience.

After that, you wake up on a beach or something. It's entirely empty, except for a small house far behind you. You can't run, and you walk slow as shit, so it will take you forever to reach it. You may want to use this time for some self reflection. Why am I playing Bientôt l'été, you may ask. How the hell do I pronounce that, you may also wonder. I want to see that woman's tits again. All fine areas of introspection. But before you know it, you arrive at the house.

Now, try as you might to open the door, you find that there is no way to. After perhaps too long, you discover that you have to close your eyes to really see the world. With that, the Enter option becomes available, and you enter the building.

Waiting outside for hours until somebody feels sorry for you and lets you in is not a good way to proceed, for the record.

Inside the building is a chess table in the middle of a dark room. You sit at it, wine and cigarettes at the ready, and wait for somebody to show up. Finally you give up and ask the computer to please give you something to do. An apparition sits down at the table and begins saying nonsense to you.

Ok, let me just-
Well, that escalated quickly.

It occurs to you that there are no chess pieces on this board, making the whole playing chess thing harder than it should be.

The ghost brought a fucking gun to the party though, so it's still a good time.

Eventually, you decide that you've had enough of being spoken to in cryptic half sentences and leave the building. Before you now stands a giant pile of coal. Cool, you think. Coal is badass.

It is the Han Solo of natural resources.

When you close your eyes and examine it, it disappears, leaving behind a chess piece.


There's nothing left to do on the beach. Messages will pop up occasionally, and sometimes you will hear someone say things in French, but otherwise entering the house again is your only option.

By all means, just sit on the beach and read gems like this all day.

When you enter the house this time you have your one chess piece which is nice, though that still makes playing chess difficult. The ghost continues to utter passive aggressive statements until you leave again.

Ahhh fuck you too, ghost!

Outside this time is a new object, and a new chess piece. This pattern continues on and on until you get bored.


  1. Great review babes, like always. Though I'm disappointed you covered the boobs. Anyone else who feels the same can check out this great pic of boobs:


    Might also mention there didn't seem to be a save function in this game, so if you quit out you have to do the house, examine, re-enter house with chess piece pattern over and over and over.

  2. Gorilla Walking In Dark And ColdJanuary 2, 2014 at 1:52 AM

    ^ Just a quick heads up , I've clicked it a hundred times but that link with the uncensored breasts seems to be broken.

    Well, I want to play this game now.

    >>Waiting outside for hours until somebody feels sorry for you and lets you in is not a good way to proceed, for the record.<<

    She actually looks like she is anticipating the door opening. This is almost hard to watch. Well, I'm going to go check out the 2nd blog post that got posted now.

  3. Broken boobies!

    Didn't you already play your own non-steam version, something or rather latte? xD

    1. Gorilla prohibiting grabassJanuary 3, 2014 at 11:25 AM

      Haha I thought of that when I read the title. "Oh, been there! Done that!"

      I'd imagine the people on my friend list have had it up to here with my non-STEAM games.

    2. I once got told "PLAY SOMETHING ELSE MAN" when I had to keep re-launching a game (due to server errors and CTD's and shit). Yeah, I deleted that guy. That'll learn me for trying to be friends right randoms from gfaqs.