Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Tough Tits Crabsticks Variation #24: Bad Hotel

Hotels have been some what of a fascination for me since I was a young child. Something about them intrigued me. They appeared so elegant and exotic. Will Bad Hotel live up to my fantasy? Or will it live up to its name?




Bad Hotel is a tower defense game. Your job is to protect a hotel, rather than a tower. "Hotel defense" is gonna be a genre one of these days. I'LL SEE TO IT. IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO. I always win, Jack.


The owner of the hotel, Tarnation Tadstock, is impeccably dressed. His sense of style does not carry over to his shithole hotel, however. His plan is to destroy his hotels and collect the insurance money, so he sends goons after you thinking Branbekka can't handle a few nasties.

Initially, your hotel is just a rectangle. You are given a small budget and must choose your defenses.

Rooms generate cash, so these are a must if you want to put down more towers, which are imperative for your hotel's survival. There are first aid rooms, which heal up the other rooms surrounding them. Different bombs. The more expensive the room, the more durable they are. (To any younger or stupider readers we have here, that is NOT a life lesson. The most expensive doesn't always equate to best quality.)

PEW! PEW!

 I am unsure the type of person who would pay $200 per 20 seconds to stay in one of these rooms. Not only does the hotel seem to not have any space to park your Snuggle Truck, it is UNDER ATTACK FOR FUCK'S SAKE. If I was going to blow my load, I'd get something worth it like a cake with a stripper coming out of it.

There are 5 levels in each "world" and every world has a finale with a boss battle. World 2 had a crab battle that took me about 69 tries. The crab could wipe out an entire side of the hotel with one claw attack.

Why not Zoidberg?

A lot of this game seemingly comes down to luck rather than skill. Though, of course there is still an element of strategy involved.

In conclusion, this hotel was bad. Very bad.


5 comments:

  1. Gorilla Walking In Dark And ColdJanuary 2, 2014 at 1:59 AM

    This game looks to be a little too much for me. The graphic style turns me off as well. The giant crab was cool looking though.

    I have a game called "Hotel Giant 2", haven't gotten to it though. This reminds me that I think I'm going to need an external hard drive soon, with these games and photos accumulating. Guess I'll end the night with that wacky and wild story. Maybe tomorrow I'll tell the story about me planning to pick up another wireless controller. Well, we'll see. I might be tired. We'll see.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't mind the style of graphics, it was a lot fucking harder than I expected. Seems to be the trend in games I've played lately. "Casual" Ah, no worries. 20 minutes later everything's a cuntface or a fucknugget.

    I ordered a new PS3 controller. It's red. And pretty. That's my story so far. Make sure you tune in daily to check for updates.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well that's a fine kettle of fish, a giant enemy crab! Attack its weak point for massive damage!

    And now, gents and gentresses, I must return to my time machine and go back to 2006.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well that's a fair shake of the sauce bottle, mate.

      YOU NEED THE ALL POWERFUL GOGGLES.

      Delete
  4. I might name my kid Tarnation Tadstock...


    Its a winner of a name.

    ReplyDelete