Friday, September 27, 2013

Top Bananas #8 - The Top Ten Most Awesome Things about Current Gen Games

The next generation is almost here, and if the internet is to be believed (why would you doubt it?) the release of these new-fangled machineridoodaas will lead to the sort of catastrophe only seen in Roland Emmerich movies. No, not Rolando Emmericho; his movies are sweet, but big-daddy-explode-the-world Roland Emmerich. You see, Microsoft has plans to kidnap and then systematically eat every single baby on the planet, even baby penguins, and Sony has fixed its evil eyes and despicable intentions on punching you repeatedly in the balls without even saying sorry. Nintendo meanwhile has focused so hard on yet another Mario game that the entire company has dissolved into one of the many sweat stains dripping down Mario's unsightly chin as he attempts to squash yet another hardworking Goomba (with his ass, no less). Things are so bad that I have decided to write a semi-serious Top Bananas!

Bloody hell Microsoft, YOU BASTARDS!!!

With all this doom and gloom, and the echoing cries and wails of internet plebs everywhere (yup, I'm talkin' 'bout you), it's become difficult to see even the most remote flicker of hope in the next generation, although I'm sure that upon release everything will have been forgotten and all the naysayers will be happily enjoying their new console (whichever they should choose; probably the PS4, although I have to say I like the look of the Xbox One - I know, I suck).

So, with the intention of ignoring the horror that awaits gamers everywhere in generation 8 (Gener8 if you are a slimy marketing exec. looking for a somewhat cool, but most shit slogan), this Top Bananas walks you down memory lane with a smug grin on its face, a joyous swing in its step and at least two hands in your pants. I welcome you to the top ten most awesome things about current gen games!

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Top Bananas # 7: The Top Ten Pairs of Boobs in Current Gen Gaming.

Promises were made. Promises were made and subsequently broken; no, not only broken, but smashed, destroyed and quite possibly obliterated, just last month the Top Bananas team were offering our sincere (mostly) apologies for unforeseen delays in the research and development, and publication, of our gaming-related top ten lists. It depresses us to inform you that we are once more sitting here enveloped in sadness, awash with the misery of failure and aghast at the realisation that we must apologise again for further unforeseen delays (which may, or may not, relate to the release of GTA V). So, here it is; this is the beating heart of a team with nothing left to give, hold it sweetly in your hand, don’t squeeze too hard: We are sorry for the delay! There, we did it. Phew. KaPow. Zing. Bosh. Whooo!

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Greatest Sounds of our Generations: Remix

So, I was thinking about how much I love when a video game series uses old classics and jazzes them up for a new generation to hear. A lot of games do this, and I always appreciate it. Unless the song sucks, then I don't appreciate it. I hate it instead. That really doesn't happen all that often, but when it does, I whip into a frenzy and am incapacitated for the rest of the day. You know what else I hate? Eggs.

So, that brings us to today's entertainment. No, it isn't porn! It's music! Remix'd music.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Fruit Review: Book 3

Wow, welcome back to Part 3.  Tonight's fruit to review is Watermelon, want to know what fruit got reviewed?  Click the article to find out.