tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40713524991396019562024-03-19T04:47:20.603-04:00Beware the Robot Squad!A silly collection of gaming articles, reviews and comics.Luchalmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13316015417860624051noreply@blogger.comBlogger272125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-51505581748625390442018-05-27T17:41:00.001-04:002018-05-27T17:41:35.726-04:00Is anyone else sick of the guilt trips when they try and exit games?!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span id="goog_2112646476"></span><span id="goog_2112646477"></span><br />Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02229371732923493528noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-53082588457656357752017-12-31T23:07:00.001-05:002017-12-31T23:08:40.885-05:00The 4th (Semi-Regular) Golden Lotion AwardsIt's that time again. Where we at Beware the Robot Squad reflect on the year passed. The good, the not so good, and the very not so good.<br />
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2017 was, in many ways, a less than stellar year. It was a year of anger, of fear, outrage, helplessness and divide. Where the needs of the many were ignored for the needs of the few. Where humanity slid closer and closer to its inevitable nuclear end.<br />
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But hey. It was a pretty swell year for video games.<br />
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<a href="https://robotsquad.blogspot.com.au/2017/12/the-4th-semi-regular-golden-lotion.html#more" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="188" data-original-width="640" height="188" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpih5h1q73axQMVk1W-RF51_uGEbYml4UwzJJEZ2d9pVM-vqryDGgmc0E-nJ_Vz7xI2WJx70T_beqWHD5dwhPn5Vy4NG_1jixZlPijSQpYsxC0otxr36Uy0jgQB0_Pop5Nq7Fyxq8rvho/s640/Logo.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;">THE <span style="color: red;">THEY DIDN'T FUCK IT UP</span> AWARD</span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">It doesn't happen often, but sometimes things turn out OK</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: red;">WINNER </span>- Sonic Mania</b></span></div>
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Sonic the Hedgehog has spent almost twice the amount of time as a running punchline than he ever did as a well respected video game mascot. For nearly 20 years, Sonic fans have been desperately waiting for Sonic to be good again.</div>
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And shocking absolutely everyone, not least of all Sega themselves, a new good Sonic game was released. It turns out that all it took to make a good Sonic game was <i>the things that made Sonic good in the first place. </i></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Namely, the absence of Big the Cat.</td></tr>
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Luckily, some dedicated fans who actually understood Sonic's appeal made Sega's game for them. And it was good. A perfect mix of classic and fresh ideas.</div>
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Meanwhile, Sonic Team proper <a href="http://www.metacritic.com/game/playstation-4/sonic-forces">did what Sonic Team does</a>.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">THE </span><span style="color: red; font-family: inherit;">THEY DID FUCK IT UP</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> AWARD (</span>Sponsored<span style="font-family: inherit;"> by Disney)</span></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">And then other times, it turns out like this</span></div>
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<b style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: red;">WINNER </span>- Star Wars</b><b><span style="font-size: large;">™ Battlefront™ II</span></b></div>
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It was a big year for Star Wars. Anticipation was high for the first new film in the franchise since last year's. All a Star Wars game had to do to print money was <i>not </i>be an unmitigated PR disaster. Well, EA missed the mark on that one.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"It's harder than it looks."</td></tr>
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Hey. Do you remember when you'd like, buy a game, and then you could just, like, play it? And you didn't keep having to pump money in it to have any kind of even competitive playing field? Me either. But even by modern slot-machine-style game design, Battlefront II crossed several lines with fans, leading to a massive boycott that possibly almost actually effected change.</div>
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When multiple world governments have launched investigations into your business practices, <a href="https://www.kotaku.com.au/2017/11/hawaii-wants-to-fight-the-predatory-behavior-of-loot-boxes/">comparing your video game to smoking cigarettes</a>, you may have made some questionable choices somewhere down the line.</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;">THE <span style="color: red;">I'M NOT MAD, JUST DISAPPOINTED</span> AWARD</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">No, I'm mad</span></div>
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<b style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: red;">WINNER </span>- Mass Effect Andromeda</b></div>
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I don't know what Electronic Arts has against space, but it seemed determined this year to crash every sci-fi franchise it has up its sleeve directly into the sun.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Maybe they just really hate Elon Musk.</td></tr>
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Mass Effect was a revelation when it was released a decade ago. The scale, grandeur and cinematic flair of that sci-fi epic was unequaled at the time. It set a high bar, but few could have predicted just how far short of that bar Andromeda would land. </div>
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Developed by a Bioware B-team, without the time or money a game like this really needed, Andromeda farted its way onto the market in a broken, unfinished state, filled with sleepy looking people spewing uninspired dialogue.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Staring contest champion, 10 years running.</td></tr>
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This one in particular chaps my ass because Bioware's Mass Effect trilogy really meant a lot to me. To see this game given so little care is a disgrace. What could have been video gaming's Star Wars is now just a <a href="http://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2017-05-11-mass-effect-series-on-ice-following-andromeda-disappointment">shameful secret we don't talk about anymore</a>.<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;">THE <span style="color: red;">R</span><span style="color: red;">ISE FROM YO GRAVE</span> AWARD</span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">It's back, baby</span></div>
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<b style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: red;">WINNER </span>- 3D Platformers</b></div>
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When gaming transitioned from 2D to 3D in the mid-90s, naturally a lot of popular genres made the transition. RPGs like Final Fantasy VII made the old pixel versions look simple in comparison, fighting games experimented a bit before deciding 2D is really just fine after all, and platformers thrived with the new dimension of freedom. Mario 64 was an important game and a strong template for the form, but games like Crash Bandicoot, Spyro the Dragon, Sonic Adventure and Banjo Kazooie proved just as popular.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhStXlnpRB0rORKneMHIpFNvEI8sobRBjKHCamShbi7vuQPFdOlUg789ZnMGlMxMtMwrLgAlUP-DortYImIdxGWF1pmOedbQ2EVIbEjTRj19fXdwOmsY3yNWp44vMwNK1hgOJJxt92TYuQ/s1600/Croc.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="376" data-original-width="500" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhStXlnpRB0rORKneMHIpFNvEI8sobRBjKHCamShbi7vuQPFdOlUg789ZnMGlMxMtMwrLgAlUP-DortYImIdxGWF1pmOedbQ2EVIbEjTRj19fXdwOmsY3yNWp44vMwNK1hgOJJxt92TYuQ/s640/Croc.gif" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pour one out for the Crocs and Glovers of the world.</td></tr>
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But after so many years of jumping around and collecting things, people just kind of had their fill and the genre largely went away. While 2D platformers have had a big revival in the last decade due to the rise of Indie game development, this year marked something of a renaissance for their 3D counterparts. Fueled by the nostalgia for the very games that made the genre popular in the first place, games like Yooka Laylee, A Hat in Time, the Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy and Mario Odyssey proved that there's still some magic in jumping around and collecting things.</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;">THE <span style="color: red;">HEY THIS IS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD </span>AWARD</span></h3>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK_gdk9N_cYnTfrf-mWfoMXssJGkZmia69sTCov_d2fzDVzMgfbCLyc-iA6aBmPyHoiZ9_9iLhN0U45SuEJ8U0Cx2npnLCPBqXTMRSK6DU5SLuxotirk_A4xqYB-iiOt8yFtLRbQ0cbTs/s1600/Switch.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="525" data-original-width="1600" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK_gdk9N_cYnTfrf-mWfoMXssJGkZmia69sTCov_d2fzDVzMgfbCLyc-iA6aBmPyHoiZ9_9iLhN0U45SuEJ8U0Cx2npnLCPBqXTMRSK6DU5SLuxotirk_A4xqYB-iiOt8yFtLRbQ0cbTs/s640/Switch.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: red;">WINNER </span>- Nintendo Switch</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Despite being the longest running and most beloved console maker in the race, with a name synonymous to many with video games, Nintendo's track record with its home consoles has actually been pretty spotty. Its previous offering, the Wii U, was only slightly more popular than a papercut (even if you were far less likely to see one in the hands of any actual gamers). Likewise, the Nintendo 64 and Gamecube didn't really set the world on fire. So half of their consoles before now have been at the very least disappointing and at most outright failures. Nintendo needed a win this time. And the one place Nintendo is always winning is in your pants.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwIE7K600y_q9M3hFZ_rsBAXmsQV8tdNH8Ql8I3gjaPBZhCdPj3v51y1rRrCUlEbXq6m8sgbur85hjtIzeTcuFfjtJiAIYioSZXT4yLpI-2N3FsQeOwx1trZSmKbYaB5JqlDxP0ydyU-8/s1600/Tingle.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1107" data-original-width="1600" height="442" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwIE7K600y_q9M3hFZ_rsBAXmsQV8tdNH8Ql8I3gjaPBZhCdPj3v51y1rRrCUlEbXq6m8sgbur85hjtIzeTcuFfjtJiAIYioSZXT4yLpI-2N3FsQeOwx1trZSmKbYaB5JqlDxP0ydyU-8/s640/Tingle.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I found more than Rupees in there!"</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">With the Switch, Nintendo brilliantly merged its core console business with its insanely popular portable offerings into one elegant device. Even if Nintendo isn't saying it, this thing is the successor to the 3DS, but with the power of a home console. And with the ability to play it in either mode, it really feels like the game machine for any occasion.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM8yz1VIdU6ovxQvbhbfEztrZ6h7A78iZYapI_jcMg2afda4pEe5R3Iybw5sLr5njOu-xEDxwekcIcSTaRrQPrPQRdJ0uUjqf_15QKvoM_bsDkTE_Jj-4efCmwfpS-JZd4fzkMVowfRC4/s1600/Player+Switch2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="487" data-original-width="1091" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM8yz1VIdU6ovxQvbhbfEztrZ6h7A78iZYapI_jcMg2afda4pEe5R3Iybw5sLr5njOu-xEDxwekcIcSTaRrQPrPQRdJ0uUjqf_15QKvoM_bsDkTE_Jj-4efCmwfpS-JZd4fzkMVowfRC4/s640/Player+Switch2.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But even a cool idea would be just that without anything real to back it up. Luckily for Nintendo, they decided to just fucking swing for the fences this year. And it paid off. In any year, having both a main Zelda and Mario release is a huge deal. But that both ended up being some of the highest rated games of all time, in the debut year for a new console, shows that Nintendo isn't messing around. Add in games like Splatoon 2, Mario + Rabbids, and Xenoblade 2, with big support from indie developers, re-releases of popular games like Mario Kart 8 and Skyrim, and big announcements such as <span style="font-family: inherit;">the exclusive rights to Bayonetta 3, the Nintendo Switch seems like it ain't goin' nowhere.</span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC9_BESrZ7nl1PYAy_VzwPgY-qWOxk_N6_BK4FOujsuKrqeVYDoK8vN_uZ2vfABEG5vUNiCx9aDWAove9lgRBMpHS6E7u1cPBmVsBztfweYFnnSrqqI-o8cylMO3EIMzQUxL5pOBs5zcA/s1600/Where%2527s+the+narms.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="1080" height="354" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC9_BESrZ7nl1PYAy_VzwPgY-qWOxk_N6_BK4FOujsuKrqeVYDoK8vN_uZ2vfABEG5vUNiCx9aDWAove9lgRBMpHS6E7u1cPBmVsBztfweYFnnSrqqI-o8cylMO3EIMzQUxL5pOBs5zcA/s640/Where%2527s+the+narms.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Also, um, Arms. I guess.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I mean, I can. They're my awards</span></span></span></div>
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<b style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: red;">WINNER </span>- PLAYERUNKNOWN'S BATTLEGROUNDS</b></div>
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Honestly, I didn't play a bit of it. But somewhere between me breaking swords in Zelda, and trying to beat The Witcher 3 over two years late, this game became the biggest thing in the goddamn world. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjowEa6jRYW_QWU7LF_qUxJipe4AKbn2R0JnGWjLfoY_B6aBYbQ3oVpwVhEuZK8-v6JhyphenhyphenHayluljWbWiiDtOOHkvG3EDqafuZnFxgOJM-B5oq57ww2n5TlBHGa1N14r81uFH23HA85CuS8/s1600/PUBG.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="311" data-original-width="539" height="368" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjowEa6jRYW_QWU7LF_qUxJipe4AKbn2R0JnGWjLfoY_B6aBYbQ3oVpwVhEuZK8-v6JhyphenhyphenHayluljWbWiiDtOOHkvG3EDqafuZnFxgOJM-B5oq57ww2n5TlBHGa1N14r81uFH23HA85CuS8/s640/PUBG.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Football Manager? Really? C'mon Europe.</td></tr>
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It's been fascinating to watch its meteoric rise from the sidelines, looking on with casual curiosity. For the uninitiated, PLAYERUNKNOWN'S BATTLEGROUNDS (or PUBG as its known to most fans ((or PLUNKBAT as its known to a few fans)) ) is Battle Royale: The Video Game. For those uninitiated to that, it's a Japanese movie about a bunch of people dropped on an island and forced to kill each other until they're the last one standing.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjown-974yEGUahfHT6cjv50Q4KgpbOUc9dqw1QWis218YMLkMrrkAw6EOZAh5WfMXFDTV19ZkwFHeHidANjICrhimUXMzr62YCz68oRn27K0kjvIUWqGtQ5AxyfGKL_qyBrmDgOAfadzY/s1600/Hungry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjown-974yEGUahfHT6cjv50Q4KgpbOUc9dqw1QWis218YMLkMrrkAw6EOZAh5WfMXFDTV19ZkwFHeHidANjICrhimUXMzr62YCz68oRn27K0kjvIUWqGtQ5AxyfGKL_qyBrmDgOAfadzY/s640/Hungry.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You can use this photo of Jennifer Lawrence shooting a bow as your reference point, if that helps you.</td></tr>
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It's not hard to see the appeal. It's a game of high stakes and emergent moments that become great stories to tell later on. Or shared live to your streaming audience, which in 2017 is as important to the sales potential of a video game as anything else.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">And now we stop for a moment to honor those we lost this year</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;">THE <span style="color: red;">HOLY SHIT, THIS GAME YOU GUYS GAME OF THE YEAR COP-OUT</span><span style="color: red;"> </span>AWARD</span></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">This is the big one</span></div>
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<b style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: red;">WINNER(S) </span>- Persona 5/ The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild</b></div>
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2017 was a great year for gaming. Arguably the best. And yet no one game stood far above the rest like they have in years past. Which is surprising to me, because 2017 saw the release of the sequel to what was my favorite game of all time with Persona 5. It had a lot to live up to, and I wouldn't say it disappointed at all. It's an absurdly beautiful and engrossing game. And yet even now I can't say it was by far the best game I've played this year. That says more about how good Zelda is than anything about Persona though.<br />
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The strength of Persona 5 is in its story and its characters. It's a game you play to watch scenes of likable characters interacting. Large parts of the game involve simply living the day-to-day life of a high school student. Going to the library, working part time jobs, or hanging out with friends. And yet it's totally engaging. You simply want to see what's going to happen next. It's also impossible not to mention how incredible the soundtrack is, or how spectacular the art design.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpuDValHZcE-e3pRyZ9Iip3hyNo7Ki4PbfBCvgBug2ltFIubufQ9Vq3UKRHtvIaittH4fOgOwQ-hYPHSlTzJMEdzjuwnKLgwXT5vgB7SG86vtH2Rp6pL4pN-bDFbXdIkFeZI8YwqPyvjc/s1600/Persona5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="844" data-original-width="1500" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpuDValHZcE-e3pRyZ9Iip3hyNo7Ki4PbfBCvgBug2ltFIubufQ9Vq3UKRHtvIaittH4fOgOwQ-hYPHSlTzJMEdzjuwnKLgwXT5vgB7SG86vtH2Rp6pL4pN-bDFbXdIkFeZI8YwqPyvjc/s640/Persona5.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look at this stylish bastard.</td></tr>
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Zelda is almost the total opposite in every way. Zelda has little narrative and no real likable characters. It has almost no music. Where Persona leads you on a linear course through a calendar year, with a strict schedule, Zelda throws you into a massive open world unconcerned with time or holding your hand. It is a game about discovery. It's about finding out what is around the corner. And its strength is that there almost always is something there.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOVGSSpIDFt8kq6P0luN_oii7WZ6784M4T0PlRE4Rg9sya6kg79ZRzGoQG3TPrzQGCssexL7yjFDP8abt2TmfsVlAuVtRvi0Fbw_cbctA6IK_KfzkypJcfC2uLBE64fpls_qMorGq_b-o/s1600/zelda_korok1_0005_Layer_7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOVGSSpIDFt8kq6P0luN_oii7WZ6784M4T0PlRE4Rg9sya6kg79ZRzGoQG3TPrzQGCssexL7yjFDP8abt2TmfsVlAuVtRvi0Fbw_cbctA6IK_KfzkypJcfC2uLBE64fpls_qMorGq_b-o/s640/zelda_korok1_0005_Layer_7.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Even if it was almost always a Korok seed.</td></tr>
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Luchalmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13316015417860624051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-83666344131728853582017-07-03T03:35:00.002-04:002017-07-03T03:35:23.876-04:00There's a hair in my chicken #60So, I decided to play a clicker game. It was also an Early Access game.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzPtkbyaG8P4nrwE0a3EBeSE60_Jp00dUHhCdCMRUh0pn56ofa2PoAx9qmPtFAQj-6iDXbVLyiXWtOk2SFLutd1DIrufam9-cbY_wnz2rO9p8l_uix-URNg6svJDO5l2dINgU3Zeuqv4k/s1600/creature+clicker.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="402" data-original-width="917" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzPtkbyaG8P4nrwE0a3EBeSE60_Jp00dUHhCdCMRUh0pn56ofa2PoAx9qmPtFAQj-6iDXbVLyiXWtOk2SFLutd1DIrufam9-cbY_wnz2rO9p8l_uix-URNg6svJDO5l2dINgU3Zeuqv4k/s640/creature+clicker.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a name='more'></a>The Steam Summer Sale is on right now, and this game was a measly 20% off. Creature Clicker - Capture, Train, Ascend! is basically a game that seems to exist to boost your achievements. In 36 minutes, I have managed to achieve over 200 achievements.<br />
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As far as clickers go, this is the most generic, bland clicker I have seen. (Admittedly, I have not seen a lot.)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIegX8XduO1wq9fhgXiTWL8UAoduqr2dOeHx9IoRiAS0KCw1rEy94pMOGFmMUvUsfwbkg0qoTSw6W36nFhiNA0OavUOpEZxT-mFuct7b8xgemDv6Bn5xhVT5fT-K3M0hxbENMPHvCQnLk/s1600/20170703171702_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIegX8XduO1wq9fhgXiTWL8UAoduqr2dOeHx9IoRiAS0KCw1rEy94pMOGFmMUvUsfwbkg0qoTSw6W36nFhiNA0OavUOpEZxT-mFuct7b8xgemDv6Bn5xhVT5fT-K3M0hxbENMPHvCQnLk/s400/20170703171702_1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gotta catch em all?</td></tr>
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The game likes to crash, too. "Do this Quest" - go ahead and try to accept, it won't let you, you'll forfeit your chance to complete the quest and then the game will crash.<br />
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I'm stuck on a boss currently. There doesn't seem to be a way to go back a level. My clicks are doing 15 damage per click, and I'm meant to take off 14 000HP in 60 seconds. I don't feel like doing <i>Monster Math</i> right now, but it certainly doesn't seem to be on my side.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitGxNhj7_csMO2reX7jWGLZapf0yDTbWvhnXRNatxNSZK0oLxCwSAEwmIlQqhkciNmIwNOiLKEMIfQ39WdHm_zto5ZjKZ9DI708btTyqvJCcUcneUnZwhp9z5JTO4sXgLHCQOBv_N_WhM/s1600/20170703172232_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitGxNhj7_csMO2reX7jWGLZapf0yDTbWvhnXRNatxNSZK0oLxCwSAEwmIlQqhkciNmIwNOiLKEMIfQ39WdHm_zto5ZjKZ9DI708btTyqvJCcUcneUnZwhp9z5JTO4sXgLHCQOBv_N_WhM/s400/20170703172232_1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Try and beat this lame boss. (Oh, and the "down" arrow doesn't let me go back to level 11)</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdulKFdiDg6YloF6SnDdWggXhOSfA6T4vzUWgVUs-92YfhnxEcOLgYg_F2-ZBz90lhjWum739ldKHR4dG_0q7CMOaV5f4JfREjtKgZTeoe1n4-RFWdaSw8-u8PQhl9-yH6wvGGslOndks/s1600/final+verdict.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="99" data-original-width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdulKFdiDg6YloF6SnDdWggXhOSfA6T4vzUWgVUs-92YfhnxEcOLgYg_F2-ZBz90lhjWum739ldKHR4dG_0q7CMOaV5f4JfREjtKgZTeoe1n4-RFWdaSw8-u8PQhl9-yH6wvGGslOndks/s1600/final+verdict.png" /></a></div>
Save your money, don't buy this.<br /><br />Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02229371732923493528noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-52959702717575557262017-06-18T20:19:00.000-04:002017-06-18T20:37:58.564-04:00Jalapeño Lasagna #59: Voodoo Garden<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://robotsquad.blogspot.com.au/2017/06/jalapeno-lasagna-59-voodoo-garden.html#more" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpC1kViJd8_r2YT6Xa5b0kKsZhVfcEtC939vkSkJA2fDfPvcaDV-W4d5UKDfAWVb5ZPN4Yl-B86NAEGNDA5v6i0orqa0hrirq421JlKmJpk-0JvhAcmGp-WZem-AkENz6PTiWO41CsGDc/s640/20170424132508_1.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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This game just starts, and there isn't anything offered in form of a Tutorial. There <i>is</i> a tiny description of things above the inventory, but I didn't see that straight away as it is quite subtle and I was trying to figure out how the hell to do things. As you level up, you unlock various things for your garden.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmuCyZF_NWkIPLW2KCvl5A596mxOWzamJNO-JKdNahyphenhyphenJYPQxCo9snfqIFV3fbl5eoWKcTAAEjpkqpL-tmhFSTh74Ijx97_-sU25frDRmyyzxPzXzvbuSo8mOAfr0u8ypdicqiT2qj0mRY/s1600/20170421122458_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmuCyZF_NWkIPLW2KCvl5A596mxOWzamJNO-JKdNahyphenhyphenJYPQxCo9snfqIFV3fbl5eoWKcTAAEjpkqpL-tmhFSTh74Ijx97_-sU25frDRmyyzxPzXzvbuSo8mOAfr0u8ypdicqiT2qj0mRY/s400/20170421122458_1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Humble Beginnings of my very own Voodoo Garden.</td></tr>
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So, basically, you collect ingredients from Trees, Shrubs, animals visiting the garden You make potions (automatically) and sell them to.... the sky? I don't know. You get a list of potions as they unlock, and can prioritize which ones you want your ingredients to go to.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT4Ki_xA3uRmu4TvVaSyvdqFdTsdTJao7-mQuDnhCQ5uRdvbbUu6jogM7H-dk6d8SWtXVpROIa011yMoPX9O_vsbFnIpkqQxNsQX1TyNHkEa3huMPkC5gBSVI5NXEjEo-skXeO3sQwOqo/s1600/20170619092458_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT4Ki_xA3uRmu4TvVaSyvdqFdTsdTJao7-mQuDnhCQ5uRdvbbUu6jogM7H-dk6d8SWtXVpROIa011yMoPX9O_vsbFnIpkqQxNsQX1TyNHkEa3huMPkC5gBSVI5NXEjEo-skXeO3sQwOqo/s400/20170619092458_1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Potion List. If you look in the top middle, you will see the game is currently making a potion for me.</td></tr>
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When you reach the cap for that ingredient, you will see that you get a coin for your ingredient instead of it adding to your inventory. Coins are used to purchase new trees and shrubs, but also spirit animals for your garden. You start off fattening them up, depending on which animal it is, they eat different things. Then you sacrifice them and they become a ghost that helps in your garden.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUfzKPoyXh9b6u0YnN05_oZzQEWr6k38237S1sj7zIFCTMtdrk5p5y9D5eoMIAQqAOIwhw1s6gFAePUVEJantwuHENpPNVcO0hm7li18SPJgegwfCEMYYybvvQr-X_MBAjV-beQyEAL_M/s1600/20170619094836_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUfzKPoyXh9b6u0YnN05_oZzQEWr6k38237S1sj7zIFCTMtdrk5p5y9D5eoMIAQqAOIwhw1s6gFAePUVEJantwuHENpPNVcO0hm7li18SPJgegwfCEMYYybvvQr-X_MBAjV-beQyEAL_M/s400/20170619094836_1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Available spirits, getting very expensive towards the end.</td></tr>
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The spirits can be upgraded to move faster and to pick more things from the garden quicker. I found the goat and the turtle extremely expensive and I didn't finish upgrading them as I did not have the funds.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFUgEneaDJ3vmNhToL08NnwmOLHNARreajnvbiqku0JZEAAhG-EazpASIPWbcqk7_YphxtOxAyM5X0Qhdlj8MPKFs4Alxw53PSn1R_l7xihGNUe-TQ9kzvdzbK9BrfyYzJFtzsxWQMLj4/s1600/20170619093755_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFUgEneaDJ3vmNhToL08NnwmOLHNARreajnvbiqku0JZEAAhG-EazpASIPWbcqk7_YphxtOxAyM5X0Qhdlj8MPKFs4Alxw53PSn1R_l7xihGNUe-TQ9kzvdzbK9BrfyYzJFtzsxWQMLj4/s400/20170619093755_1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some various power ups to buy and upgrade.</td></tr>
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Not every visitor in your garden can be used in potions and frankly, the bats, much like in Spelunky are a pain in the ass. Even with my "20% less bats" skill (right in above picture) maxed, there was still a shittonne of bats.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Ii025EIIEoY8mOD4cpjQED6KZYl04LzL_ZWrhQRaKY4vKtP4gH5-cn4N-1w9k-iiKl41wzfMWBGElXINTi0kKAXZ7nvpD0o6a4dd7Iq785N2N9CtL_MJyBDLCZaVh7PRCb0zuMPbFgM/s1600/20170619091954_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Ii025EIIEoY8mOD4cpjQED6KZYl04LzL_ZWrhQRaKY4vKtP4gH5-cn4N-1w9k-iiKl41wzfMWBGElXINTi0kKAXZ7nvpD0o6a4dd7Iq785N2N9CtL_MJyBDLCZaVh7PRCb0zuMPbFgM/s400/20170619091954_1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My garden at Level 30.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP77DbSrlRC1iO17vaywNlfjOy7IbidVafswYT3p8j0tjPaNZ5SJh-8cl8Zlr51HIdjCPLsbfYsFLoW-VYlc9iloIsTfYAecbAUEX8KhOOe08Er-zbkHnHK4g8CEcBM3bsMYI-t01qBIE/s1600/20170619073226_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP77DbSrlRC1iO17vaywNlfjOy7IbidVafswYT3p8j0tjPaNZ5SJh-8cl8Zlr51HIdjCPLsbfYsFLoW-VYlc9iloIsTfYAecbAUEX8KhOOe08Er-zbkHnHK4g8CEcBM3bsMYI-t01qBIE/s400/20170619073226_1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My garden in the rain at Level 29.</td></tr>
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There are totems you can put by the water that attract different things. These are helpful for ingredients and money. Clicking the crocodile that appears in the water grants you a hefty sum each time. The croc totem seemed almost obsolete by the time I unlocked it at a much later level.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4Yl4m8aVsr8ja224gFquiRmkVRmgFJGg2sxGBQ-We65Deul87Uq3FcBq-oUz49jQk25C3Lsbt1TpQo6vdrj0TxVucgIe3HY_Y3mcYbWiR7jNS9A67aalxHejMndkvXi-_gj0SU2tuwvo/s1600/20170619094839_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4Yl4m8aVsr8ja224gFquiRmkVRmgFJGg2sxGBQ-We65Deul87Uq3FcBq-oUz49jQk25C3Lsbt1TpQo6vdrj0TxVucgIe3HY_Y3mcYbWiR7jNS9A67aalxHejMndkvXi-_gj0SU2tuwvo/s400/20170619094839_1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">List of available totems.</td></tr>
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Your garden can be expanded, and it gets more expensive to do so, just as everything else in the game goes up in price.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUPfPtzM5JKhbO7chHuOD6fmLT6c57lMk0Ob9wg6NdpzeqCam7E48IpMeHY3Z-J1XUcWf5LMZ4xWFyWqKEZ5eTrZ4q0P_-OM8V4B5KoVzEGS_DnR7WNmrhXtyx1K4Z_zGNsXQn6UYgHyM/s1600/20170617111236_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUPfPtzM5JKhbO7chHuOD6fmLT6c57lMk0Ob9wg6NdpzeqCam7E48IpMeHY3Z-J1XUcWf5LMZ4xWFyWqKEZ5eTrZ4q0P_-OM8V4B5KoVzEGS_DnR7WNmrhXtyx1K4Z_zGNsXQn6UYgHyM/s400/20170617111236_1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another garden screenshot.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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The game is quite fun, however as it is somewhat of a non traditional clicker, it is quite repetitive and the music gets on my nerves after a while.<br />
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<br />Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02229371732923493528noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-43318275755521395702017-05-31T11:43:00.000-04:002017-05-31T11:44:13.187-04:00Undetale!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIFe5Sq_z_IDMUPGBluq45bKnraoFKvHjt_G5dBJIVFC67nLx-znkPctBeQmsZC793bfwwiLH0b_UwJSFlTKUq5FmekKTXu19dL0Cg-mc0IMMpgd73kKDJ9xn2WvRxw6UzlhaNlCRsxqrM/s1600/Undertale.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIFe5Sq_z_IDMUPGBluq45bKnraoFKvHjt_G5dBJIVFC67nLx-znkPctBeQmsZC793bfwwiLH0b_UwJSFlTKUq5FmekKTXu19dL0Cg-mc0IMMpgd73kKDJ9xn2WvRxw6UzlhaNlCRsxqrM/s400/Undertale.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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It seems like today every game decides to throw in RPG elements. They just seem to mix so well into every Genre. Be it first person shooter in the form of Call of Duty or Battlefield, Action games with level up mechanics or customizing how your character develops. Hell, there's even Rhythm games incorporating RPG elements with Final Fantasy Theatrhythm!<br />
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Undertale's unique, from what I've seen. It's an Shmup/RPG game that I just know Luchalma would love! Let's dive in and see what Undertale's all about. It didn't win the Gamefaqs battle of best game for nothing!<br />
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Like I said before, Undertale, from a first glace, peaked my interest. It has an Earthbound style of graphics that I really enjoy. Earthbound is one of my favorite games on the Super Nintendo, so it's very refreshing to see this style again, and Undertale does it well. Aside from the fact that the main character looks a bit odd from the side. She's got some kind of duck lips goin' on, but that's okay. So, the second thing that drew me to the game was the music. I was listening to the music before I even played the game, which is weird. You know how I love my video game music, but I normally only listen to stuff from games I've already played. I can envision myself playing the games while I listen, and it always gives me a sense of nostalgia. Usually listening to other game's music just doesn't do it for me, unless it's an exceedingly excellent track. Well, Undertale's tracks are all just simply amazing. You can pick any song and it'll be good. From the boss battle themes, to the ambiance of the ruins. It's all incredible. But let's get into the meat and potatoes of the game and see how each section fares.<br />
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Story-<br />
The story of the game is... really good, and I don't want to spoil anything. You're a human that's dropped into the monster realm, and from there you take command of your story. This game offers another unique gameplay feature that diversifies it's self from other RPGs. You can choose whether or not you'd like to destroy every monster you come across, or perhaps you're feeling merciful and decide to spare the lives of the monsters in your path. Each encounter determines your fate as a human. Kill? Be killed? Spare them? What will you decide? I decided to spare the monsters and bosses I encountered in my playthrough and it changed my story dramatically. Everyone could have a different experience while playing this game, depending on how they choose to play it. It's interesting and fresh.<br />
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Characters-<br />
Characters in Undertale shine. The common enemies are all fairly interesting with their own quirks, and the bosses are all really just awesome. From the start of the game you meet a kind woman by the name of Toriel who literally holds your hand through the dangerous Ruins you've fallen into. Later you meet up with a pair of hilarious skeletons, a true warrior Undine and a scientist. They all have huge personalities that need to be experienced. They're all unique and enjoyable to interact with. That is, if you choose to enjoy them. Your path is not cut and dry. You're more than welcome to take each character out, never to be heard from again. If you'd like to kill one of the skeleton brothers, you can do that. Just don't expect the other brother to enjoy your company. Brother killer.<br />
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Gameplay-<br />
Random battles happen, but they're not too frequent. But this game does shine with the battles. Like I said, it's a shmup/RPG mashup. Killing enemies gives you EXP, which in turn levels you up and makes you stronger. However, every single enemy and boss has their own was of being spared. You have a multitude of options when facing enemeies. Why, you can compliment them on their cool hat, or dance with them. Even roll around in the dirt and have them smell you, making them think you're a dog! It's a really great idea, and implimented well. You never have to get a single EXP point in this game to beat it. In fact, I never did while I played. Every enemy was spared, and it crafted a rich and enjoyable experience for me.<br />
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Music-<br />
Easily the best part of the game. Pick any track and enjoy it. The boss music in this game is simply incredible, and I find myself listening to it constantly. Whether it's Battle against a true hero, Heartache, Asgore's theme or Death by Glamour, I know I'll be jamming out. They're simply perfect. It's not just the boss themes, either. The atmospheric music is top notch! I really recommend giving the soundtrack a listen, even if you have not played the game. It's really that good!<br />
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Fun factor-<br />
Undertale provides a lot of fun. I ended up picking it up on sale for 5$ and I would have easily payed more for it. The main story is probably only about 8 hours or so long, which for this game, is perfect. Like I said earlier, there's a multitude of ways to tackle the game. Kill everything, spare everything, or make your own ending by killing key bosses. It's all up to you. I can see myself replaying this game again. Especially since I spared everyone, so I do need to play through destroying everything in sight. Things change, such as the music for bosses, depending on how much you kill.<br />
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Overall-<br />
I recommend playing Undertale. It's a unique experience that... well, has to be experienced. If you like Shmups, you'll really enjoy undertale. Every encounter is different, from bullet hell to platforming, it's got it all. Do yourself a favor and pick it up sometime and give it a play!Jamirus2http://www.blogger.com/profile/01350139284237533690noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-3604226415724211112017-05-22T05:05:00.002-04:002017-05-22T05:06:35.298-04:00Retroulette Special: Grand Theft Auto IIII know what you're thinking.<br />
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(Or probably not, but for the sake of this next sentence I'm going to suppose that this is the case.)<br />
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Grand Theft Auto III? Isn't that a little too new for Retroulette?<br />
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The short answer is no. Because this is my site and I make the rules.<br />
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The long answer is an answer that is really more of a question. Or more accurately all of a question, because it has a question mark at the end and everything.<br />
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What defines a retro game?<br />
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Is it based on an amount of time? Does a game become <i>retro </i>when it celebrates a certain birthday? Or is it based on console generations? Is a game from three generations back "retro", while one from two generations is merely old? Is it a graphics thing? Does simply being pixelated <i>make </i>something retro?<br />
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These are the questions that have haunted me since starting the Retroulette experiment. And I still don't really have a satisfying answer. When I started this website in 2012, it was pretty well agreed that games on the NES, SNES or Genesis were definitely retro. So I mostly stuck to that era. But what about PlayStation and Nintendo 64 games? Those definitely seemed too new to me, even though the PlayStation was, by then, 17 years old. That's a long ass time. Especially in the gaming industry. Even now, when the PlayStation is 22 years old, the games seem somehow less retro. Yet I've reviewed games for Retroulette that were much newer than that. <a href="https://robotsquad.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/raciesretroulette-15-roswell.html">Roswell Conspiracies: Aliens, Myths & Legends</a> was, at the time of review, merely 11 years old. But <i>look </i>at that game. It's old and shitty looking, though it probably came out old and shitty looking.<br />
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Consider this.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgygyUNfVqNNtdm-AwAFc6DQOjsQ5WEWjau0v729hOa3Oo3arkAL8UV1khDhTn4f3VOUu_HL84tO5EK-Am0z72HI3-z-uf1IQI7SLndPyOEcuTxFxdCLRIe1xqMxkEVt8edkExo-OWDZWg/s1600/YEARS+GO+BY.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgygyUNfVqNNtdm-AwAFc6DQOjsQ5WEWjau0v729hOa3Oo3arkAL8UV1khDhTn4f3VOUu_HL84tO5EK-Am0z72HI3-z-uf1IQI7SLndPyOEcuTxFxdCLRIe1xqMxkEVt8edkExo-OWDZWg/s1600/YEARS+GO+BY.png" /></a></div>
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In the above example, Metal Gear for the NES was definitely retro by the time Metal Gear Solid 2 was released. Grand Theft Auto III is now quite a bit older than that was. Hell, some <b><i>Xbox 360</i></b> games are almost as old as that.<br />
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So, while I'm not quite ready to ready to call Gears of War a retro game, I think I'll just have to admit to myself that I'm aging quickly and so is everything I love and all of this is meaningless in the end.<br />
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On to the game. This is the original PlayStation 2 release. This game plays on damn <i>phones </i>now, something I can't imagine the creators could have predicted.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBnCGzXffryqSVY7OqtZi3Gw9p4JnMVg1oZCmygLbaZ2FlUQ6-l00TNDYvd692kwZ1cvoiz9Uu2RD-Dd0L7GTcStZBkA_e3p1xec0tj3YHmhNj61Xc92NkzrY0V260y4upKQeMBcWK1QI/s1600/Matrix.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBnCGzXffryqSVY7OqtZi3Gw9p4JnMVg1oZCmygLbaZ2FlUQ6-l00TNDYvd692kwZ1cvoiz9Uu2RD-Dd0L7GTcStZBkA_e3p1xec0tj3YHmhNj61Xc92NkzrY0V260y4upKQeMBcWK1QI/s640/Matrix.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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The game boots immediately into the Matrix.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZD4xyNlr9uIec4Tf4xUQDJzzJ0CyimgKY601Iaa_sm2PDjYPAjEo5l7N6IwUBSUIuHKyBYm3CsIuC7olXgrHvXz9TI4br3YUbq0yawh6LDAmrLinrtwJEzPXV4AmylYXNNFRhA4-S_dM/s1600/RAM+ROM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZD4xyNlr9uIec4Tf4xUQDJzzJ0CyimgKY601Iaa_sm2PDjYPAjEo5l7N6IwUBSUIuHKyBYm3CsIuC7olXgrHvXz9TI4br3YUbq0yawh6LDAmrLinrtwJEzPXV4AmylYXNNFRhA4-S_dM/s640/RAM+ROM.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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Oh damn I guess this game is more retro than I thought.<br />
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Rockstar Games sure has come a long way since this. When this game came out, Rockstar Games was most notable for publishing <a href="https://robotsquad.blogspot.com.au/2012/04/retroulette-7-jim-hensons-muppets.html">Jim Henson's Muppets</a> on Game Boy Color. After this, they were treated like......well.....well, like rock stars, I guess.<br />
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The game then moves into a jazzy intro movie, done in a cinematic style that games just weren't really <i>doing </i>at the time. Games booted up and played a montage of dragon punches before asking you to insert coins or some shit. This looks like the opening of a French crime drama from the late 1970s.<br />
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After this, the game goes into a loading screen that can could most mercifully be described as interminable. But the game doesn't load much after that, so as long as you boot it up you could get a few errands done before coming back to a relatively load free experience.<br />
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The game opens with a bank robbery. A trio of thieves runs out of the bank. Suddenly...BETRAYAL!<br />
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Meanwhile, the man says nothing, which will become a trend. One wonders if perhaps a lack of communication had something to do with the failing of this relationship. If you can't trust bank robbers though, who can you trust?<br />
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She shoots him and leaves him for dead. Unsurprisingly, with the bear-sized meat claws in which she's clumsily attempting to grapple her guns into, she manages to not land a killing blow. She escapes, having only damaged the part of his brain that controls speech (which he wasn't using anyway).<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Frankly I'm surprised she managed to find the firing mechanism at all.</td></tr>
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He gets arrested, and takes the fall for the whole operation.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It must have been a long, uneventful interrogation.</td></tr>
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On the way to prison, a gang blows up part of the bridge with the police convoy in transit, and charges in with guns to break out another inmate. Our plucky hero (let's just call him...Claude) and another prisoner use this opportunity to escape. The police are wholly unprepared for this scenario, apparently having not seen the 1997 Chris Tucker classic Money Talks, where this exact thing happens.<br />
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The other guy happens to know a place where they can lay low, which is about 15 seconds away from where you busted out of police custody. I wonder how this mastermind got caught the first time.<br />
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His idea of "laying low" is to meet a guy named Luigi, and immediately start taking on other criminal activities.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Poor Claude. He desperately wants to say no, but he just bring himself to say the words.</td></tr>
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So less than a minute after breaking out of prison, a DAY after being busted for bank robbery, you're taking punk-ass jobs from the mafia. Missions in this game consist of a few things.<br />
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A) Driving somewhere and killing somebody.<br />
B) Driving somewhere and not killing somebody.<br />
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You pick up missions from all around town, making contacts everywhere very quickly for a man who says nothing. Including missions at random payphones that start ringing.<br />
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The first thing that strikes me when let free into the open world is just how <i>Grand Theft Auto</i> this is. The series has come a long way since GTA III came out and fundamentally changed the industry from the ground up, but all the pieces are right here. Just in a less polished or slightly broken state. You hijack cars and drive around a 3D open world filled with missions and side jobs and hidden packages while listening to fake in-game radio stations that play music and satirize American culture. Unlike later games though, where well curated licensed music on the radio stations is one of the highlights, the stations in this game are filled with a mix of who Rockstar could afford at the time. That means a bunch of songs from bands no one has heard from before or since. The station I listened to almost the whole game was just 5 or so songs from the Scarface soundtrack, on loop, forever.<br />
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Driving in this game is a challenge in itself. The cars seem absolutely insistent that they be upside down at any moment, and they are very persuasive. The problem with this, other than the obvious, is that for some bizarre reason cars fucking <i>explode </i>after a few seconds of being flipped over.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hot Wheels are as good as grenades in this universe.</td></tr>
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After you get out of your car and have to shoot some fools, things get even worse. The shooting in this game is, to put it mildly, abysmal. Shooting is primarily done via a lock on system that only occasionally and probably accidentally aims at the person you want to shoot. The camera is a disgrace. There is no direct control of the camera, even though the PlayStation 2 has a perfectly serviceable right analog stick that the game seems almost scared to use. The only way to move the camera is to press L1 to center it behind your character. It will nevertheless get caught up on every piece of geometry in the game. Some guns can be aimed manually in first person, but never the ones you want, and the aiming sensitivity is terrible. It took sometimes 10 seconds just to line up a shot as I swung wildly in every direction. And to somehow make lining up a target even more of a headache, the aiming is inverted. And there's no option to change it.<br />
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...<br />
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Listen.<br />
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This inverted vs normal debate has been going on for decades now. And it will be going on long after the Sun explodes and swallows this entire planet. But I would be remiss if I did not use this opportunity to tell you that if you use inverted controls, and aren't even a <i>little </i>sorry for being who you are, that you're everything that's wrong with society and humanity as a whole.<br />
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The game is also just very hard in general. I ain't no punk-ass newbie who just stepped off the gaming boat. I've been at this thing for a while. But a great deal of the missions have the added challenge of being timed, or charging you with protecting a vehicle that, if you so much as stare at its steering wheel, rolls over faster than a well trained puppy.<br />
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After you fail a mission for the fiftieth time, you're left stranded wherever you ended up. If you want to retry the mission, you've got to find your way back to whoever gave it to you in the first place. And finding your way can be more difficult than it sounds, as there isn't a map of the city to look at. You're given a minimap in the corner of the screen, but if an icon is on the edge of that thing, it could be 10 seconds or 10 minutes away and you wouldn't know until you get there. In some missions (that will be timed of course), you see objective markers on the map. So you head in that direction only to find that it's actually two islands over and you have to turn around to find a bridge.<br />
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At least you'll have all of that cash to dry your tears. Making money in this game is easy. Ludicrously so. A few hours after breaking out of prison with nothing to your name, Claude becomes a multimillionaire. And yet you'll still spend your time doing dirty work for people and living in squalor.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm sure he's got a swimming pool filled with gold coins in there <i>somewhere</i>.</td></tr>
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There's ultimately nothing to spend your millions on anyway, beyond ammo for your guns which runs a few hundred dollars at most. Your only real reward for doing missions is the satisfaction of a job well done.<br />
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This game, when viewed in the context of 2017, has a lot of problems. And yet, at the same time, it's very hard to still not be wowed by what this game accomplished. Small and flat as it may be by today's standards, Grand Theft Auto III presents the player with a living open world and gives the freedom to do a lot of crazy shit. This game inspired <i>so many</i> others, it would be easy to play it today and wonder what the big deal was. But it still feels fun, in the way that sandbox games will always be fun. It also feels <b>important</b>.<br />
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<br />Luchalmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13316015417860624051noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-60142629742391097232017-05-15T21:07:00.001-04:002017-05-15T21:08:16.792-04:00REVIEW - Persona 5 (PS4/PS3)The year of long delayed games continues!<br />
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Before anything, let me tell you how I felt going into this game.<br />
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I'm not a <i>huge </i>Japanese role playing game fan. I've played quite a lot of them, actually finished very few, and truly love only a couple of them. I hate random battles. I tolerate turn based combat. And my appreciation for the tropes and archetypes of the genre has coincidentally dropped since I stopped regularly watching a lot of anime.<br />
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But something compelled me to preorder Persona 4 Golden when it was announced. This was weird for me in a number of ways, not least of which is the fact that preordering a game is (and always has been) for chumps. Call it destiny, or the fact that I desperately needed something to play on the Vita, but whatever it was I fell for that game <b>hard</b>. I fell in love with the story, the characters, the setting, the music, the art design. Even the turn based battle system kept me enthralled for the over 100 hours I spent with the game. When I finished it, I went through a period of mourning. What was life even supposed to be without Persona 4 in it? It had become not only one of my favorite games, but my <i>favorite</i> game.<br />
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So yeah. When Persona 5 was announced, I was interested. But the game had a lot to live up to. My main concern was the question of "am I really a Persona fan, or am I just a Persona 4 fan?". I had tried playing Persona 3 many years ago and bounced off of it.<br />
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But now, 112 years later, Persona 5 is finally out. And I've played it. And it's good. It's <i>really</i> good!<br />
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The game casts you in the role of ENTER CHARACTER NAME HERE, a high school student on probation for the horrible crime of intervening in the assault of a young woman. So he has to move to a new town, a new school, where everyone is scared of him and says nasty things in hushed tones as he passes. The "stranger in a strange place" idea has always worked for the series, but it's pretty harsh to be treated like such a piece of trash as soon as you step off the train.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">OK, next time I'll just find a clock if I want to know the time...</td></tr>
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In fact, the whole opening act of the game has a very dark cloud hanging over the whole thing. Persona 4 dealt with a series of murders in small town, but somehow managed to keep the whole thing light and affable. Persona 5 features sexual harassment and assault, physical abuse, and suicide, all the while being treated like a violent psychopath just for trying to help someone. The sense of humor only manages to keep it a hair above soul crushing. So when the opportunity arises to actually do some good and start handing out some justice, it's easy to take up the call.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here sir, have some more justice. I have plenty.</td></tr>
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You and your ragtag team of vigilantes become the Phantom Thieves, a group tasked with entering the metaphysical hearts of evildoers and changing their entire personality via a magical phone app. It.....makes a <i>bit</i> more sense in context.<br />
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In these dungeons (or Palaces as they're known), the representations of the owner's true feelings, you run around and fight stuff of course. Unlike previous Persona games' randomized and sort of generic feeling dungeons, P5's are all unique and lavishly produced environments with different themes based on the owner. There are puzzles to solve, and there's now a big emphasis on stealth. You can crouch behind corners and furniture, jumping from hiding spot to hiding spot. Then you can catch an enemy off guard, giving your party first chance to attack.<br />
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Battles play out in a turn based manner, with enemies waiting patiently while you wreck their shit. Each of your party members has a Persona, which in theory is a reflection of their soul personified but in practice is just a badass looking Pokemon that they can use to attack. But unlike your other, lesser Phantom Thieves, your player character can use any Persona he feels like, including any enemies you find along the way.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I am thou."<br />
"Thou art I."<br />
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"Got to catch them all."</td></tr>
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Combat is heavily element based, everyone having strength and weaknesses. Hit an enemy's weakness and they fall to the ground. Hit all the enemies' weaknesses and you're pretty much running the show. With all of the enemies on the ground, you can attempt to recruit one to your side via a weird series of multiple choice questions, ask them for money or an item, or just wipe into nonexistence with a flashy screen-clearing all out attack.<br />
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Flashy is a good way to describe the entire game. But not a great one. I don't know <i>how</i> you would describe the visual design of this game. Every single frame is dripping with an overload of artistic flair. I remarked about Persona 4 that it had a very strong sense of style, with even the menus being nice to look at. Persona 5 makes Persona 4 look like a Powerpoint slideshow written entirely in Comic Sans. I don't know if the art director had a personal vendetta against right angles or what, but everything in the game is a black and red soaked, jagged and moving feast for the eyes.<br />
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Screenshots don't really convey how much the screen is just pulsing and spinning at all times. It's a sight to behold for sure. Admittedly there are times when I wish they'd reined it in a bit with the production. One such example is that the game makes a very noticeable <i>ping </i>when you're near an object you can interact with. Anyone who's played an RPG knows how helpful that can be. But when you're running around an area with tons of stuff to look at (and oftentimes multiples of the same thing, with the same dialogue), all the racket this makes can sound like a dubstep song in reverse.<br />
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Special attention must also be called out for the music. The series has become known for its great jazzy soundtracks, and Persona 5's is <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeSyAgUvwHI">no disappointment</a> in that regard. Almost every song has been stuck in my head since I started playing, even though I mostly don't understand the Engrish lyrics.<br />
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A large part of the game is spent outside of the dungeons, and that mostly involves doing everyday things like going to school, studying, hanging out with friends, and doing part time jobs. All of these activities raise various stats or progress relationship storylines. The game is on a fixed schedule though, and you can only do so much in a day. This can easily lead one to feel overwhelmed, or like they're playing in the "wrong" way. And this can be a hard thing to overcome. The key to enjoying Persona is to accept that unless you're slavishly following a guide as to what you should be doing down to the second, you're not going to see everything the game has to offer. And that's OK. The game has enough great content that you won't feel like you're missing out.<br />
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<br />Luchalmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13316015417860624051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-21277577957551844922017-05-08T21:12:00.000-04:002017-05-08T21:20:03.679-04:00REVIEW - Shovel Knight (PS4/Vita/PS3/PC/Mac/Xbox One/Wii U/Linux/Fire TV)I'm a little late on this one.<br />
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Let's get this out of the way.<br />
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Shovel Knight is a retro styled 2D platformer with 8-bit graphics and a chiptune soundtrack. Those kinds of games are released by the assload these days, so if that's definitely, <b>violently </b>not your thing, Shovel Knight is probably not for you. And if it is your thing, you've probably already played it. So who is this review even for?<br />
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<i>I don't know.</i><br />
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Anyway, Shovel Knight is inspired by classic NES platformer and action games, particularly Mega Man. Well that's not really fair. To say Shovel Knight is only <i>inspired </i>by Mega Man is like saying Mulholland Drive is "a bit hard to follow". Shovel Knight is steeped in Mega Man's scent. It rolls around in his essence. It wears his skin and does a flirty little dance.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Would you Rockman? I'd Rockman so hard</td></tr>
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The story is, Shovel Knight and Shield Knight are roamin' the land, adventuring and loving each other. Then Shield Knight gets locked inside a tower and Shovel Knight is bummed about that. Then some evil chick takes over the land and enters the tower. With the tower now open, Shovel Knight is determined to rescue her.<br />
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But first!<br />
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Shovel Knight must defeat the evil chick's eight evil <strike>robot masters </strike><br />
<strike>exes</strike><br />
Knights.<br />
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These Knights, the Order of No Quarter, working for the evil Enchantress, are the bosses of the game. The game is a sidescrolling action game, and like the games it's inspired by, it's hard. You start out with very little life and enemies can do some damage. The game feels <i>good </i>though, the movement feels spot on and you always feel in control of Lil' Shove. Every boss stage has a hidden item to find, called relics, that give you an extra ability such as shooting fire or becoming invincible for a short time. These can really come in handy, and luckily if you can't find them in the actual stage the merchant in town is happy to sell it to you for a bit of your precious treasure.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Maybe too happy...</td></tr>
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There is an overworld between stages, similar to something like Super Mario Bros. 3 or <a href="https://robotsquad.blogspot.com.au/2012/06/retroulette-24-misadventures-of-flink.html">The Misadventures of Flink</a> where you move your character around to the main stages and towns but also random encounters with strangers, puzzle-y little stages, and challenge stages which require you to use a single relic in interesting ways to overcome.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The haunted castle filled with reanimated corpses: Not often featured in the tourism brochures.</td></tr>
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The graphics in the game are really well done. The pixel work is appropriately retro while also being more colorful and detailed than what could be achieved on something like the NES. And they wisely let the characters and environments speak for themselves without kitschy graphical effects like sprite flicker and scanlines to sell the old school look.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This guy's about to get Scrooge McFuck'd <i>up</i>.</td></tr>
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Retro games are also known for their simple but catchy soundtracks. Shovel Knight is no slouch here, either. Each stage has a memorable theme that manages to not grate on you when you're hearing it for the 80'th time after dying. Hidden in all the stages are music sheets that, when given to the bard in town, allow you to hear all the music whenever you want!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"OK so I'll just boot up the game......,Developer logos....Alright, main menu.....Load game...Confirm....Loading............Ok, I'm in game....I'll just go to the town here.....Here's the bard...Yes I know you'd like me to find more scrolls....Yes I'd like to listen to a song.....Ohhh track 5 is a good one.....OK I'm ready to run!"</td></tr>
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It's a decently robust package, with a separate challenge mode and New Game+. But developer Yacht Club Games refused to stop there. They just keep inexplicable throwing more game onto this game, with not one, but two entire campaigns added in after release, and a co-op mode and all sorts of other stuff. Somebody should stop them, before they release the kart racing mode and the MOBA multiplayer option.<br />
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<br />Luchalmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13316015417860624051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-20111932416126563852017-03-14T03:36:00.001-04:002017-03-14T04:14:05.159-04:00REVIEW - The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Switch/Wii U)Announced exclusively for the Wii U, Breath of the Wild is out now four years and one additional platform later.<br />
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Nintendo has never made a bad Zelda game.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">OK. I can maybe give you The Adventure of Link.</td></tr>
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By and large they've consistently made exciting and accessible adventures that anyone can play and enjoy. And yet, by the time of the release of 2011's Skyward Sword, even diehard fans of the series had to admit the formula was getting a bit stale.<br />
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With the release of Ocarina of Time, Nintendo hit it big by, well, simultaneously inventing and perfecting an entire genre. The problem with creating the perfect 3D Zelda game right away, is there's nowhere to go but sideways. And for almost twenty years, they've been sticking very close to that recipe. With Breath of the Wild, Nintendo has almost completely rewritten the rulebook.<br />
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The story is the most familiar thing about it. Ganon is up to some evil business. Hero of legend. Princess in peril. Something about time. It starts off like Just Another Zelda Game. But the most dramatic thing is what happens after that. It just, like, <i>throws you out there</i> man. You're on your own. By comparison, Skyward Sword spent something like 39 out of 40 hours making sure you knew how to open a door before letting you explore. BotW will tell you some things. But more often than not you'll learn about things from experience. The game won't explicitly say that wearing a metal shield during a lightning storm is a bad idea until you're already an extra crispy pile of ash on the floor. It's an unforgiving game when you first start out. Refreshingly so. It's weird and exciting to see a Nintendo game not afraid to kick your ass over and over when they spent the last ten years selling games to your grandma.<br />
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This game is steeped in mechanics. There's a stamina bar that is depleted rather quickly when running, swimming and climbing. Link will freeze or overheat in extreme temperatures. You will have to cook your own potions and elixirs from mushrooms, animals, and monster parts. You will have to monitor how much sound you're making if you want to sneak up on enemies. Different clothes will affect your abilities in different ways. Things will happen at different times of day. Rain will prevent you from climbing. Lightning will kill you. Fires will spread. Weapons you find will break after use. There's a boggling number of things to keep track of, and after a couple dozen hours I'm still finding things out. All of these systems play out in ways that make a logical kind of sense that you don't see in many other games. The metal-in-a-lightning-storm thing from earlier for example. Like, of course lightning would be attracted to metal. But <i>what other game </i>would even <i>bother </i>with making it kill you? And because you can throw weapons, you can toss a metal sword at an enemy, and the lightning will kill them instead! The game doesn't tell you that. You just mess around with things and go "Hey cool that worked."<br />
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About the weapons breaking, that's a huge part of the game, and will probably be one of the most divisive things about it. Lots of games feature equipment that gets less effective over time. And in most cases it's a matter of repairing it with a whetstone or a repair kit or a trip to the local blacksmith. In BotW, your shit just breaks. And not after hours of grueling battles. We're talkin' about going through 2-3 swords in a single fight sometimes. And when you start the game, you'll only be able to carry a handful of the things. So you'll be picking up swords and bows and shields constantly, not afforded the luxury of getting too attached to anything.<br />
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Nintendo has created a massive, detailed and beautiful world to run around breaking swords in. Unlike previous Zelda games, where your progress in the world is gated off by the linear progress you make through its dungeons, you're free to wander off in whatever direction you want right from the beginning. You may find certain areas harder to get through, but you can do it. In fact, from the very beginning of the game you're essentially given the quest "Beat the Game", and you can go to Ganon, kick his ass and call it a day. Or, since that would be incredibly hard with your starting gear and health meter, you can traverse your way around Hyrule in search of treasure and adventure for 100 hours first.<br />
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"If you see it, you can go there."<br />
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That's the promise of all these open world games. And in many cases it's true....kind of. There's nothing really stopping you from spasming your way up the side of a mountain in Skyrim. Though it's not really fun or elegant, and to what end is anybody's guess. BotW handles climbing differently than something like Assassin's Creed. You can attach yourself to almost any vertical surface. Whether you can make it to the top of a mountain or a tower is determined by how much stamina you have. Climbing a mountain then becomes a little puzzle, trying to find little footholds that will allow you to recover enough stamina to keep going. And so climbing a huge mountain feels like an accomplishment. It feels earned. And a lot of the time, at the top of the mountain you'll find something interesting. The game knew you would try to go up there, or behind there, or under there, and it rewards you for your exploratory curiosity.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRZ9kNEAKmUM54lpfvLA7K6F5B4U0onl9q-WdqUhKOko6OoTP3651yEPixttVH05tyMa2Y_FETNW3pkVJk7nnqRERD-qwDaxUT-BGzIk1yJ9Y3l_HdhidxtHcNmXT_ziky9iJi4gkdZp8/s1600/Korok.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRZ9kNEAKmUM54lpfvLA7K6F5B4U0onl9q-WdqUhKOko6OoTP3651yEPixttVH05tyMa2Y_FETNW3pkVJk7nnqRERD-qwDaxUT-BGzIk1yJ9Y3l_HdhidxtHcNmXT_ziky9iJi4gkdZp8/s640/Korok.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You'll see these little dudes everywhere. <i>If </i>you bother to look.</td></tr>
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This is the first HD Zelda game. Or the first one designed that way at least. And it's a really good looking game. You're not going to confuse it for a PS4 game, but Nintendo has done a good job of building a stylized world with swaying trees and pretty sunsets. The characters are expressive and detailed in a way they've never been before.<br />
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Though it comes at a price. I'm not one to usually notice framerate in a game. But it drops pretty hard in this game sometimes. Towns in particular slow right down. It's never deal-breakingly bad, but I do wonder why the game has such a hard time keeping up when other, similar games run a lot smoother.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pretty though.</td></tr>
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There's also a lot more voice acting than the series has ever had. Nintendo has been pretty reluctant, with its major franchises, to give them a voice. While Link is still silent, and most of the dialogue is still text, you'll hear other characters talk from time to time.<br />
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And I guess I can see why they'd shy away from voice acting. It's kinda garbage in this game.<br />
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Like, I've heard far worse. But you know in games and cartoons when you hear an old lady and it's clearly just some chick making her voice more shaky like "I'm an ooollldddd laaddyyy" and you're like "Yeah ok."<br />
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Everyone sounds like that.<br />
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The game is also very musically sparse. It's odd, for a series so well known for its catchy themes and jingles, to hear nothing but crickets and birds for so much of the time. The music does kick in at appropriate times, but it's still just you and mother nature for hours and hours.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhozyuoBIKjkyNN1vuRtAS668ICoHnXyIdUwMYpZLYUeSC6UAJHZfA9qmKjBmrDPETXUv57WS0cXWtC1vz8VLyeiDNEQ-rG0VAE8b1-g4nPXETJ6HPt_Fi2oIS3nXBCxulef6wKmWMX6JU/s1600/Selfie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhozyuoBIKjkyNN1vuRtAS668ICoHnXyIdUwMYpZLYUeSC6UAJHZfA9qmKjBmrDPETXUv57WS0cXWtC1vz8VLyeiDNEQ-rG0VAE8b1-g4nPXETJ6HPt_Fi2oIS3nXBCxulef6wKmWMX6JU/s640/Selfie.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Speaking of nature, there's a photo database system that encourages you to find and catalog every animal and monster in the game. It's wildly addictive.</td></tr>
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I feel like I could keep writing about this game for weeks. There's so much to say, so much to find, so much to learn. I can't fit everything there is to this game in ten articles. And I wouldn't want to. So much of the fun of this game is in discovery and experimentation.<br />
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It's not hard to see how Nintendo got to this game. In a strangely Un-Nintendo like fashion, they looked outside of their bubble to see how gaming has changed. Breath of the Wild is the result of studying why Skyrim, Dark Souls, and Minecraft are all popular. But Breath of the Wild isn't a Frankengame of stolen mechanics. It's its own thing. Made in a way that only Nintendo, a company that's been at this for longer than just about anyone, could pull off.<br />
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I'm going to stop writing now. There's still lots of things to see in Hyrule.Luchalmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13316015417860624051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-30928521518616726512017-01-05T01:13:00.001-05:002017-01-06T20:08:11.460-05:00No More Pick #58: Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://robotsquad.blogspot.com.au/2017/01/no-more-pick-58-pretty-girls-mahjong.html#more" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="388" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYlQTF59HCRVkX0Wz2poQOB-y8gdjC2BoUtYej62E0CnpuUkg2KmsxUPPjuZc2OigkpNnQ8_0med65uiAk7vEG5UVVZENnRPboiDTdnV23_tBkDv6-RuhxL1VJZ3Ou5HBw-_OSqJuslC8/s640/banner.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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This game is almost impossible. The only way to beat it, is to have your entire family standing around, quickly screenshotting and pausing the game so you can find more picks.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ37Yb8HLQLXNl2AXnYZ1DFBrUnuR-3lAKq_eeOhEAS0IHlMQ3hf3DcuN4Ri5-fYGShyphenhyphen81lSBbdW2z0nhW2fIlfN-GqSGmRFUm9v54kTurU0VfCC6Hrb9tV-AMf5AlgprzwUf0TI-o4Mg/s1600/20170105164633_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ37Yb8HLQLXNl2AXnYZ1DFBrUnuR-3lAKq_eeOhEAS0IHlMQ3hf3DcuN4Ri5-fYGShyphenhyphen81lSBbdW2z0nhW2fIlfN-GqSGmRFUm9v54kTurU0VfCC6Hrb9tV-AMf5AlgprzwUf0TI-o4Mg/s640/20170105164633_1.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fucking finally.</td></tr>
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It's incredibly easy to run out of time by not matching the Mahjong tiles fast enough. The other extremely frustrating, tedious, bullshit about this game is that tiles that need to be paired together, will be on top of their pair, making them unusable. This happens a lot. There is no shuffle tiles option, or any power ups at all for that matter.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnEDUgpA9zdKIl231O4Gu8enKSCz7vcfR8JsJ0B4QS7ThhFLb-bcsqKXGuJm8ZWx_eeTZw9lNybHXbk46boc7kKYkdPlvOEjB0oQhATFtNT07MUZmTZG7XfyZYmLqTdSy1wGx70OzTr80/s1600/20170105164445_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnEDUgpA9zdKIl231O4Gu8enKSCz7vcfR8JsJ0B4QS7ThhFLb-bcsqKXGuJm8ZWx_eeTZw9lNybHXbk46boc7kKYkdPlvOEjB0oQhATFtNT07MUZmTZG7XfyZYmLqTdSy1wGx70OzTr80/s640/20170105164445_1.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Don't let the Yin and Yang fool you, there's nothing peaceful about playing this.</td></tr>
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There are 5 Pretty Girls, each with bigger cans than the last. At the end of their respective stages, they strip into just their underwear. The girls do not look happy about this, which makes me sad for them.<br />
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Play this game if you like poking your eyes out with a fork, fake balloon jubblies and being stuck on the same level for hours through no fault of your own.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBMVTdBee3KBsMOpFJ3ddRTxHy7eUaq5l-jmoNONfzbrfUHVwE7q53iiXsr85rXxq2792mjgyZ-n3OE8q27qGj8RAY0V-eTAmxhR1Pg-ylbXsEBpGkUNvLxmWFqOJtg9JrQnHU3WxWsH4/s1600/recycling.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="458" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBMVTdBee3KBsMOpFJ3ddRTxHy7eUaq5l-jmoNONfzbrfUHVwE7q53iiXsr85rXxq2792mjgyZ-n3OE8q27qGj8RAY0V-eTAmxhR1Pg-ylbXsEBpGkUNvLxmWFqOJtg9JrQnHU3WxWsH4/s640/recycling.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A glimpse into my recycling bin.</td></tr>
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<br />Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02229371732923493528noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-47900012942035330272017-01-04T20:57:00.000-05:002017-01-04T20:59:08.477-05:00The Garage Made It to Heaven Too #57: Woodle Tree AdventuresIt's 2017, and it's really time to buckle down and tackle this Steam backlog. The first game of the year is...<br />
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Woodle Tree Adventures is, well, I'll let the creators take this:<br />
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I'm not exactly sure how an art style can be described as <i>catchy</i>, but in any case it's patently false. It hasn't caught on at all. As for unique, the art style pretty much boils down to "Super Mario 3D Land, and not much else".<br />
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Despite the forgettable and trite factors of its art style, the graphics are the best thing about WTA. It's full of flat but colorful textures with simple geometry, that sort of works in a minimalist way.<br />
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Anyway, once you ,manage to start the game (after avoiding pressing any of the 90% of buttons that will close the game immediately), you are given your quest from this Deku Tree lookin' motherfucker.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgngz6foCpYhhRGHQDlNn7poMJQ_0A_fJnp5TJdjfZYvGPu3kBYu6KApVyVB5DI28TDmWTUdSBn8hzGzwgitbITu0vfLItITmERec5qoEqwFxo-aplFtHa-ASD6Ehyfb1l7UEOx_bdyteQ/s1600/20170104210234_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgngz6foCpYhhRGHQDlNn7poMJQ_0A_fJnp5TJdjfZYvGPu3kBYu6KApVyVB5DI28TDmWTUdSBn8hzGzwgitbITu0vfLItITmERec5qoEqwFxo-aplFtHa-ASD6Ehyfb1l7UEOx_bdyteQ/s640/20170104210234_1.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Come here woodle boy, I have tears here in my van.</td></tr>
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So he tells you the world is thirsty and you have to go around collecting tears, Dude there's a waterfall right behind you, go get some of that.<br />
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Anyway then you go to your Tree house.<br />
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*cough*<br />
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From here you can enter one of the levels.<br />
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Once the game starts, you are assaulted with horrible camera issues. And I mean, like, serious fucking problems. It's like if the Lakitu Brothers spent all of Mario 64 playing hide and seek with Mario. It will constantly get stuck behind parts of the level, seemingly point away from your character, and sometimes when you die it will change to a different, worse angle and <i>stay locked that way</i>. With no way to manually move it. It's camera roulette and <b>you always lose</b>.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwV3gn7W4pMrtJ55SH5JJ91xRo0B2n5_r4qVn0bbNRntT9Q2hRlrqz8xPOY0gy8ceMmkF95iOy6eCpW2S67Qq2U-Wo37A5QiN4M9jGtNde8eyX-lN6TqXASSdH0wTklyV2mnM6W2Y5oaQ/s1600/20170104212029_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwV3gn7W4pMrtJ55SH5JJ91xRo0B2n5_r4qVn0bbNRntT9Q2hRlrqz8xPOY0gy8ceMmkF95iOy6eCpW2S67Qq2U-Wo37A5QiN4M9jGtNde8eyX-lN6TqXASSdH0wTklyV2mnM6W2Y5oaQ/s640/20170104212029_1.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This isn't some modern art masterpice, this is an actual screenshot of a camera angle provided by the game.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Try making that tricky jump while the camera is pointed at the ground half a mile away.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Say you've collected two of the level's three tears and are almost to third, and the camera shifts in the middle of a jump and you die. Well you just get brought back to the nearest checkpoint. No big problem. So you just try that jump again an-oh goddamnit the camera pointed at the sky for no reason and you fell again. Well you just get brought back to the nearest check-AWW WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT. This is the beginning of the level! Well, the game, seemingly randomly, forgets checkpoints you've reached and puts you half a level back, maybe two thirds or maybe all the way. Maybe with a new camera angle that makes it impossible to see your character. It all feels like the game is pulling shitty Halo skulls from a hat constantly and throwing them at you.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQNluQG_W5G38XAB5eTnrB29iBJ7r7UUCOP5ABpxfuDu3ZylEp2MQ2L6utjbYM_GhdXPJaJJG8ZaX_4frBK7c360edXilac2__fTrsyp7CgrdClsbH5j6hg7Jc3EnZHF3TiSO4SQ4-HR4/s1600/20170104220023_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQNluQG_W5G38XAB5eTnrB29iBJ7r7UUCOP5ABpxfuDu3ZylEp2MQ2L6utjbYM_GhdXPJaJJG8ZaX_4frBK7c360edXilac2__fTrsyp7CgrdClsbH5j6hg7Jc3EnZHF3TiSO4SQ4-HR4/s640/20170104220023_1.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Aww damn I got the "Character is invisible"one again. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Making your way through the handful of requisite snowy/sandy/beehive levels doesn't take too long, for better or worse (it's better). The game is about an hour long, and about 50 minutes of those are fighting with the camera. After a more-lengthy-than-you'd-think credit sequence, you're shown this screen<br />
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And you just stare at it waiting for it to go away before you realize you have to close the game to proceed.<br />
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It's my pleasure, Woodle Tree Adventures.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGEWXrCgK5SbTUIinpUIHqqiFLe-6oKQ79an66r_YGU4EIJ8kdC0Y_qLWbU1B5CPQPvHc3X4nt_gIjmThBFaXJRe-fFU6wcDHitctuxBFyyDDzUsNFLkt6qUfky5Ae8Gy2cHrpjvazEog/s1600/final+verdict.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="122" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGEWXrCgK5SbTUIinpUIHqqiFLe-6oKQ79an66r_YGU4EIJ8kdC0Y_qLWbU1B5CPQPvHc3X4nt_gIjmThBFaXJRe-fFU6wcDHitctuxBFyyDDzUsNFLkt6qUfky5Ae8Gy2cHrpjvazEog/s400/final+verdict.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAEZ-zNBLYeg8fPnQLYz_ewGixjdAokMAYURpxomv0nx_JTB-tK9aD6yWeleRK2SSibfO8kqQElvGyurb3hSkrvr0WilfnirZBWNvuT6dCWpAgfespxFvrAY3FAZrrcvWVwig_alFkNp4/s1600/Score.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="366" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAEZ-zNBLYeg8fPnQLYz_ewGixjdAokMAYURpxomv0nx_JTB-tK9aD6yWeleRK2SSibfO8kqQElvGyurb3hSkrvr0WilfnirZBWNvuT6dCWpAgfespxFvrAY3FAZrrcvWVwig_alFkNp4/s640/Score.png" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />Luchalmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13316015417860624051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-77654110790433066022016-12-28T21:27:00.000-05:002016-12-28T22:15:16.272-05:00The Third (Semi Annual) Golden Lotion AwardsIt's that time of year again. When articles about video games start with <i>it's that time of year again</i>. 2016 is at its end, and hundreds of new games have come and gone, millions if you count Steam releases. Like most years, a lot of crazy shit has happened. Controversies, disappointments, firings, hirings, instant classics and total dogshits. We're now living in a post-VR, post-"Pro" versions of consoles, post-Nintendo games on phones world. We're at the event horizon for video games, and I think anything could happen from here on out. Will consoles even be a thing in five years? Will we all reject real life in favor of a virtual world filled with nonstop supermodel hookups and infinite Taco Bell gordita supremes? <i>I don't know. </i><br />
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In the middle of all the craziness, a few notable games managed to find their way into the world. And in 2016, a game actually being released as a full, realized product is worthy of an award in itself.<br />
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Without further ado, here are the winners and losers of this year's Golden Lotion Awards.<br />
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<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;">THE <span style="color: red;">THEY DIDN'T FUCK IT UP</span> AWARD</span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">How hard can it be to not betray the hopes and dreams of a rabid, fickle fanbase? </span></div>
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<h3>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;">WINNER </span>- Doom</span></h3>
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Here is an example of a game that has no place in today's world. Shooting monsters and shit with a meathead grunt of a main character with ludicrous guns and over the top violence is SO 1990s you guys (sorry Gears of War...). What could you even <i>do</i> with a new Doom game to justify its existence. The answer, as it turn out, is to just make it Doom.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNjgR7tJyNq_L3NOmdqhN87LNeFik3u1-ntWTyoR8CG42LuTi2BUqr-RMzg7gRVfivXwnBsMqf94D114vBAQvJpc5vBeztW8mtsGIXyP_EU-HkZAX2T94h8IbtI1V1rju-RBlPF8Y6fAU/s1600/doom-cacodemons-screenshot_1920-0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="388" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNjgR7tJyNq_L3NOmdqhN87LNeFik3u1-ntWTyoR8CG42LuTi2BUqr-RMzg7gRVfivXwnBsMqf94D114vBAQvJpc5vBeztW8mtsGIXyP_EU-HkZAX2T94h8IbtI1V1rju-RBlPF8Y6fAU/s640/doom-cacodemons-screenshot_1920-0.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Making Doom, an idea so simple it's a wonder no one's thought of it before.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Doom 3 was a decent game, but it made the questionable decision to try its hand at being a more atmospheric, slower paced horror game. Doom (2016) understands the visceral thrills of running at 1,000 mph shooting guns at fast moving enemies and not even stopping to reload. It's old school design smartly paired with modern trappings. Unlike most of today's linear shooters, it keeps the locked doors and backtracking intact, and adds hidden collectibles and upgrades to make exploration worthwhile.<br />
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<span style="color: #999999;"><b>Silver Lotion Winners:</b></span> <b><span style="color: #3d85c6;">Hitman</span>, Uncharted 4: A Thief's End, <span style="color: #3d85c6;">Ratchet and Clank</span>, Gears of War 4</b><br />
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<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">THE <span style="color: red;">THEY DID FUCK IT UP</span> AWARD</span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">All you had to do was make a perfect game, and you COULDN'T EVEN DO THAT!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwvMLmTmIpp4US5JAV4-ur1LskBASUUaHNj4jLG3AtBuNdgiXYh_UiDO0rTHQbTFwkCt3H-FkbLZRczNu20WoVD_G96GBVBzfW7t60zKSyOJFwSMhz00g-MffeBMda3gkb7ua9OeMeq9Q/s1600/MN9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwvMLmTmIpp4US5JAV4-ur1LskBASUUaHNj4jLG3AtBuNdgiXYh_UiDO0rTHQbTFwkCt3H-FkbLZRczNu20WoVD_G96GBVBzfW7t60zKSyOJFwSMhz00g-MffeBMda3gkb7ua9OeMeq9Q/s640/MN9.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;">WINNER </span>- Mighty No. 9</span></h3>
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A long time ago, Capcom was a publisher putting out Mega Man games like there was a bomb in the building that would go off if they ever released less than one a month. Around the turn of the decade they must have figured they were releasing enough bombs of their own that it wasn't a problem, because since then the once iconic video game franchise has been quietly retired.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieb_2aM4csrImTV1ajpDy7sBsUtJi2VrcvFOxT8DH08xh3fIW7ouUZOksGiHpS03NQhFIuc91ODBPVFZzcBuXTKtyhHHq_thF78Vyjsu0mf2X57ShP9t_Sc1ff67DcHu6BZVqhZdC61xE/s1600/Retired.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="284" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieb_2aM4csrImTV1ajpDy7sBsUtJi2VrcvFOxT8DH08xh3fIW7ouUZOksGiHpS03NQhFIuc91ODBPVFZzcBuXTKtyhHHq_thF78Vyjsu0mf2X57ShP9t_Sc1ff67DcHu6BZVqhZdC61xE/s640/Retired.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in Rain Man's stage...</td></tr>
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Hope was given in the same form that the bloated corpse of every has-been game franchise rises these days, Kickstarter. In 2013, with former Capcom bigshot Keiji Inafune's name and reputation attached, <i>Mega Man in everything but name</i> Mighty No. 9 was pitched and the campaign was an instant and massive success.<br />
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And that's when the troubles started.<br />
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Now, I'm not one to put much stock into the idea of curses, but holy goddamn maybe there was a reason Capcom kept Mega Man locked away in some abandoned corner of their HQ. From the very beginning of development, there were signs that Mighty No. 9 was having problems. And it just never really stopped. Everything from design decisions, delays, community management, delays, backer reward mix-ups, delays, advertisements and graphical downgrades marred this game the whole way to release. It seemed like Inafune was running the video game version of Springtime for Hitler. Then the game actually came out, and was by all accounts just a pretty crappy game all around. Which is really the <i>least surprising</i> thing about the whole debacle.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #999999;">Silver Lotion Winners:</span> <span style="color: #3d85c6;">Star Fox Zero</span>, Dead Rising 4, <span style="color: #3d85c6;">Metroid Prime: Federation Force</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">THE <span style="color: red;">I'M NOT MAD, JUST DISAPPOINTED</span> AWARD</span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">It's OK buddy, just do better next time.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-z-STw__mYanggkO__-ZIj0jZnSYKTQk2_IGe5NzlP9OtjzbTbzY-MJ6PPEzNGvYqSyFwO0q8fkBupERK23mtluEPmRNfNANBY1Fv6UiWnGyqe1lUMEttnBnAXhr_4wiaSyXiI4UOEiU/s1600/nms.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-z-STw__mYanggkO__-ZIj0jZnSYKTQk2_IGe5NzlP9OtjzbTbzY-MJ6PPEzNGvYqSyFwO0q8fkBupERK23mtluEPmRNfNANBY1Fv6UiWnGyqe1lUMEttnBnAXhr_4wiaSyXiI4UOEiU/s640/nms.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;">WINNER</span>: No Man's Sky</span></h3>
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This game will probably go down in history as the biggest disappointment of a game ever made. And really, it never deserved what happened to it. It was a game made by a small team with big ideas. They reached for the stars (pun fully intended with no regrets), and they didn't quite make it. With any other game that would be no big deal. The "mining rocks and not much else" genre is <i>huge </i>right now. No Man's Sky would have found its audience somewhere. With Sony pushing the game as a AAA mega blockbuster, and fan hype shooting into orbit (again, I knew exactly what I was doing), the weight this little-space-game-that-could had to bear absolutely crushed it. As it stands now, with death threats, accusations of lying, and calls for legal action, the developers will have to go into hiding for years before even <b>thinking </b>about making another game. And for a small group of folks who just wanted to make a cool thing, that's gotta suck. </div>
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<b><span style="color: #999999;">Silver Lotion Winners:</span> <span style="color: #3d85c6;">Virtual Reality</span>, Playstation 4 Pro</b></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">THE <span style="color: red;">BEST GAME THAT WILL NEVER ACTUALLY COME OUT</span> AWARD</span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">GOTY 3034</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRtGIEnKzCuC_DIhyphenhyphenRwKtcFrBOEXbMNqHNmE7qmtCVjy89509P-lNWW0ia2g3mARHZ0pUFCbINv3ZNr1KHPbDHzXmq7F9AqaWekrX_5rzwHJ6WBwwQnsLLv0O7TYzYxv9tUyMmASlD8a4/s1600/TLG.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRtGIEnKzCuC_DIhyphenhyphenRwKtcFrBOEXbMNqHNmE7qmtCVjy89509P-lNWW0ia2g3mARHZ0pUFCbINv3ZNr1KHPbDHzXmq7F9AqaWekrX_5rzwHJ6WBwwQnsLLv0O7TYzYxv9tUyMmASlD8a4/s640/TLG.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: red;">WINNER</span>: The Last Guardian</b></span></div>
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With 2016 at its end, we close out another year of Sony conveniently neglecting to mention where the hell The Last Guardian is. If they are just going to cancel it, <i>just cancel it already</i>. Stringing fan along with vague "It's still being worked on" every other year is just c-<br />
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What?</div>
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<b>What?</b></div>
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Well look who looks like a damn fool, The Last Guardian is totally legit for sale now. With a box and everything. And it isn't even a burning garbage fire of a game even. I don't even know what to think anymore.</div>
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<b><span style="color: #999999;">Silver Lotion Winners</span>: <span style="color: #3d85c6;">Mirror's Edge Catalyst, wait that came out too? What is going on here?!</span>, OK how about Final Fantasy XV? Wow really? That damn game has been in development for 10 years, one generation and name change ago, <span style="color: #3d85c6;">Alright alright, Beyond Good & Evil 2 is still never coming out right? RIGHT? OK good. Well I mean bad because I think it would be a cool game but it wins this award. All of this award. Gold, silver, bronze. All of it.</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">THE <span style="color: red;">BEST POKEMON GAME OF THE YEAR</span> AWARD</span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Gotta catch 'em all! You know, until we add more.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiye1EnKS6UGr1NJ2u_3wGTy0rINR49mxVgAybJ0i9fLD9BMYXtaeS3vMm4VjlmzrCymL_W7YVOLoguPxZpEtYx2tQG45KDK00Dek-JK4QRRbaaWV6AT88v43UAwbAcwEomkC9Or4lFXS8/s1600/woff.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="172" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiye1EnKS6UGr1NJ2u_3wGTy0rINR49mxVgAybJ0i9fLD9BMYXtaeS3vMm4VjlmzrCymL_W7YVOLoguPxZpEtYx2tQG45KDK00Dek-JK4QRRbaaWV6AT88v43UAwbAcwEomkC9Or4lFXS8/s640/woff.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;">WINNER</span>: World of Final Fantasy</span></b></h3>
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Square Enix is no stranger to trying a little something different with its Final Fantasy series. If there's any possible way they can shove a little FF into another genre they'll do it, call it a spin off and send it out the door so fast your ATB bar ain't even got time to reload.World of Final Fantasy is a throwback fanservice filled game with monster collecting and chibi characters. Unfortunately somebody decided to release it just before the <i><b>real </b></i>Final Fantasy game.</div>
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<b><span style="color: #999999;">Silver Lotion Winners:</span><span style="color: #3d85c6;"> Pokémon Sun</span>, Pokémon Moon, <span style="color: #3d85c6;">Pokémon GO</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">And now we stop for a moment to honor some of those we lost this year.</span></h3>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQn923TYunaKiImj3sPXZs2PcZDyM8igftUR3KpW57mMmiLJWqVCpEabSgkDWPgIuCzbVm62LXnyQgYAj9zg4aRacVqo_GQWc3bzVpn65VDMStH1CF-GMEPsJUNhG7i3AZMVKQyj1ZB0I/s1600/Memoriam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQn923TYunaKiImj3sPXZs2PcZDyM8igftUR3KpW57mMmiLJWqVCpEabSgkDWPgIuCzbVm62LXnyQgYAj9zg4aRacVqo_GQWc3bzVpn65VDMStH1CF-GMEPsJUNhG7i3AZMVKQyj1ZB0I/s640/Memoriam.jpg" width="520" /></a></div>
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And now back to the awards.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">THE <span style="color: red;">HEY THIS GAME IS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD</span> AWARD</span></h2>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Not often, but sometimes, a game comes out of nowhere and surprises you</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA5ol7s5ZW0sR12RUHrmOied0s_w7DF4iw8wLC6uCOD3RiZIMQYF_1TN_WHMPzlEApM1ydWkmpnAceii642LBhyphenhyphenS_23UsH8P3iajUqu0rmieJMn3QlrrxTjc-Xziw0-P5ZdEz7n0SxEys/s1600/sdv.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA5ol7s5ZW0sR12RUHrmOied0s_w7DF4iw8wLC6uCOD3RiZIMQYF_1TN_WHMPzlEApM1ydWkmpnAceii642LBhyphenhyphenS_23UsH8P3iajUqu0rmieJMn3QlrrxTjc-Xziw0-P5ZdEz7n0SxEys/s640/sdv.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;">WINNER</span>: Stardew Valley</span></h3>
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There's a thriving market for "games that are sort of like other games that aren't being made anymore" right now. When it doesn't work, you get Mighty No. 9<span style="color: red;"> *</span>. When it does, you get Stardew Valley. Games like Animal Crossing and Harvest Moon introduced people to the idea of simulator/social gaming. There's a town you're new to, you talk to the wacky townsfolk, and you hit trees or something until you're rich. Stardew Valley does all of that good stuff, and adds just way more depth to everything. The game is similar to something like Persona in that you have a limited amount of time in a day to develop skills or progress your relationships, and like a Deadly Premonition for example, the townspeople are on their own schedules and have their own likes and dislikes. You can mine, or don't. Fish, or don't. There's things to fight, treasures to find, birthdays to celebrate, businesses to save, farms to farm. There's just an overwhelming amount of things to do in a town that starts to feel like home. Also, it was made by ONE GODDAMN DUDE.</div>
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<b><span style="color: #999999;">Silver Lotion Winners: </span><span style="color: #3d85c6;">Hitman</span><span style="color: #999999;">, </span><span style="color: #999999;">Doom</span><span style="color: #999999;">,</span><span style="color: #999999;"> <span style="background-color: white; color: #3d85c6;">Overcooked</span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">THE <span style="color: red;">OH MY GOD HAVE YOU SEEN THIS FUCKING GAME GOTY AWARD</span> AWARD</span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Seriously, this game.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOpWUgFuBvuOv0cmp9E561vyOI4EjR12JAPfYqWsSy5OX9OdRAKX5TH9aahMpxNHTWZjyq5K29vXKkU9C8lmucYLL2O-KJIByDq8xk8J7VLuQRTDgw-jGFhIiOEhoeV388HAfT-iR8PxE/s1600/bf1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOpWUgFuBvuOv0cmp9E561vyOI4EjR12JAPfYqWsSy5OX9OdRAKX5TH9aahMpxNHTWZjyq5K29vXKkU9C8lmucYLL2O-KJIByDq8xk8J7VLuQRTDgw-jGFhIiOEhoeV388HAfT-iR8PxE/s640/bf1.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: red;">WINNER</span>: Battlefield 1</b></span></div>
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Honestly, it's surprising as hell to me that this game is even in the discussion of my favorite game of the year. If there's anything at all to say about myself as a human being, it's that I don't like playing multiplayer games. I suck at them, I don't have fun doing the same actions on the same map over and over again, it's just not my idea of a good time. And yet, and <i>yet, </i>I've always had a soft spot in my heart for the Battlefield franchise. Since the first one in 2002, I've been utterly fascinated by the freedom of a large scale military sandbox. Mostly playing against bots even, for the actual competitive nature of it was of little interest to me. Then eventually the bots were removed as an option and I was forced into the chaos engine of online. I played these games casually, a round or a few here and there. Still bad at it, but still too fascinated by the emergent possibilities to just totally ignore it. </div>
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Then DICE announced Battlefield 1. With the modern and even the near future setting totally mined of any interesting possible scenarios, they decided to rewind back to World War 1. A war that, although it was the single most defining event of the modern era, almost no video game's even <i>tried </i>to portray. It's been a long held theory that World War 1 would be too boring for a shooting game, taking place largely in a trenched stalemate. But, well, Battlefield 1 is amazing. Even if it's not perhaps the most realistic portrayal of The Great War, it is definitely an effective glimpse into the madness of one of the miserable times in human history. It's bloody, it's muddy, it's dark, everything's on fire. people are screaming, dying, calling for their mothers. And then there's the guy trying to ride a horse up a tree. It's still Battlefield, after all.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">With all of the possibilities for total nonsense that implies.</td></tr>
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Even beyond the game itself, what stands out is what it brought out in me. In school, our coverage of WW1 was limited to "Franz Ferdinand was killed and then things were bad for a while". The American education system at work. With this game approaching, I wanted to fill myself in on World War 2's not as popular older brother. I've dedicated a large chunk of my time reading books, watching documentaries, movies, and listening to history podcasts. I've become sort of obsessed, and it wouldn't have happened without Battlefield 1.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: red;">*</span></b>Don't actually get Mighty No. 9</span></div>
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Luchalmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13316015417860624051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-67193024902524447292016-12-27T04:03:00.002-05:002016-12-27T04:03:54.720-05:00Merry Christmas from Pikachu Girl!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Pikachu Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067221062805190971noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-32850313836873515252016-12-27T03:57:00.002-05:002016-12-27T04:01:23.932-05:00REVIEW - Pokémon Snap (N64)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Pikachu Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067221062805190971noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-20145134751238334552016-12-27T03:36:00.000-05:002016-12-27T03:36:17.911-05:00Merry Christmas from Snivy Fan!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Snivy Fanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15452787031299865253noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-89797518956002923522016-12-27T03:29:00.000-05:002016-12-27T03:29:30.307-05:00REVIEW - Spyro Enter The Dragonfly (PS2)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Snivy Fanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15452787031299865253noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-4447505583059678902016-08-03T23:10:00.000-04:002016-08-03T23:10:35.726-04:00Chasing the First High; or, How One Game Ruined EverythingIt was 2012.<br />
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I made my way slowly through the mine, slow enough to avoid making any of a myriad dumb mistakes I've made before. Watching ahead for traps, behind for spiders, above for bats, and below for spikes. Every step had to be sure, calculated. But time was not a luxury I could afford for long. A ghostly specter of death waited just off screen for any careless or arrogant enough to dilly-dally. With a limited number of bombs, was it worth it to use one to obtain the items within that wooden crate? Why, it could be a horribly non useful catcher's mitt item, or it could be twelve more bombs. A net profit! Is it better to spend all the money at the shopkeeper on more ropes? Or should I save it and hopefully find an incomparably useful jetpack down the line? Was that a damsel I heard? If I went out of my way and found her I could regain some lost health. But I'm also running out of time. These thoughts and more shuffled in and out of my thoughts as I creeped my way through the deadly catacombs. Finally, amazingly, the exit comes into view. I only had to not get hit by the damn bat tenaciously flying in my direction. It's a position I've been in before. Close to safety, with one wrong move meaning everything I had done was lost.<br />
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But this time, I remembered. I grabbed a nearby clay pot and threw it in the bat's stupid face. Direct hit. The exit was clear. I've made it! Hours of hard work, memorization and trial and error and learning. But I've cleared the mines! I've made it to the jungle! I'm making <i>progress</i>.<br />
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Then I get to the mines and immediately die to a spike trap. Everything I had done was pointless.<br />
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But it wasn't <i>really</i>, because everything I had just done will better inform future endeavors. I'm getting better at the game, one failure at a time.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">LIFEHACK: When in doubt, throw small animals at the problem until it's resolved.</td></tr>
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This is Spelunky. Derek Yu's platformer/roguelike released on Xbox 360 in 2012 (and subsequently released on just about everything else), at a time when mainstream audiences didn't really know what a roguelike <i>was</i>, let alone the original Rogue from which the like-games...liken. I bought it on little more than a whim (the very attractive sale price didn't hurt either). At the time, I was becoming more and more entrenched in the idea that I wanted <i>narrative experiences</i> from my games. A good story, and a good atmosphere were what I came to games for, gameplay mechanics being an afterthought. Then here comes along this thing that's just, like, all gameplay and shit. The story is "go in a cave and look for cool stuff", the characters are "mute knockoff Indiana Jones" and "mute guy with mustache". For the first time in a long time, the actual act of playing a game was exciting to me. It was difficult, punishing even, but it rewarded your persistence. It gave to you for learning and understanding its rules, and had secrets aplenty for those who bothered to look deeper. It is very close, in my opinion, to a perfect game.<br />
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But this article is not about how good Spelunky is (very good, by the way). I've played close to 200 hours of Spelunky probably, all versions of the game combined. I still have things to do in it, if I really wanted to be a completionist about it. And I probably would have done them if my progress wasn't wiped a half dozen times now (seriously, just patch in Steam Cloud support please). But at some point I decided to maybe try playing some other games.<br />
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The issue is, I really just want to be playing Spelunky.<br />
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Since 2012, almost all of my gaming time has been an effort to find "The Next Spelunky". There's plenty of games with similar features. Procedurally generated levels and items. Permanent death. The whole Rogue business. As soon as even one person describes a game as being "kind of Rogue-y", I want it. This is my Steam list of games I've played in a desperate attempt to fill the void.<br />
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There's some damn fine games in that list. Rogue Legacy kept my interest for a few dozen hours. Invisible Inc. is a cool rogueish stealth game. After buying Rebirth on Xbox One, the Binding of Isaac finally clicked for me and I had fun with it. But as cool as any of the games had been, they all have the same issue. They're just not Spelunky. I don't want a similar game. I want the same game. Forever and ever. But at the same time I feel like I have to move on. It's just not working very well.Luchalmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13316015417860624051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-25456360208000670032016-07-27T23:35:00.000-04:002016-07-27T23:35:33.325-04:00Still Alive: An UpdateFor the one fan of <i>Beware the Robot Squad</i> out there, I thought maybe I should take some time to say hey.<br />
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Hey.<br />
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I'm sure I could give some big explanation for why updates have been so slow. Real life has gotten in the way or some such blithery nonsense, but really I'm just lazy. Anyway, here's what's going on with me right now.<br />
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I'm almost done with The Witcher 3, I think. After over a year of off and on playing it seems to be approaching something like a final act. Shit is getting <i>serious</i>. Stakes are high! And yeah, I had planned a year ago to write some sort of review or opinion piece about the game, but then it took me a year to get to this point, so I'll summarize: It's good.<br />
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It's <i>really fucking</i> good.<br />
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By now, I'm sure everyone has an opinion on the game. It's either one of the best games of all time or a janky game with slippery fish combat. My experience with it has been one of increasing wonder. Gaming is rarely better for me than with a good open world RPG. Give me a few hundred square miles of empty wilderness, a couple dozen townsfolk with missing necklaces, and a thousand identical looking goblins and I'm in heaven. It was always understood that the tradeoff you were making was a big playplace in exchange for any sort of interesting characters or narrative. I may be walking around as a boring create-a-hero that might be mistaken for an NPC in any other game with the one line of dialogue that they repeat over and over again, but dammit I'm a generi-guy walking around <i>the future</i>. Oooooh lasers!<br />
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After playing CD Projekt RED's latest though, it makes me think that maybe all of the other developers just didn't try hard enough. The world of The Witcher is vast yet filled with cool stuff, and populated by people and things that do a damn good job of making me care about them. Even when the game <i>does </i>have me finding some townsfolk's missing necklace, I'm <b>really </b>interested in what happens to that necklace, man. It's a rusty cliche to say at this point, but the world feels really alive in a way that a lot of game worlds don't. It must be the shaky trees. I can't go back to static trees anymore. I've been spoiled by Jell-O brand plant life.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">*Shyamalan flashback intensifies*</td></tr>
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It's always a bummer to me reaching the end of a long game. Like finishing a favorite TV show, it leaves me feeling like, what am I supposed to invest myself in now? Real life? Screw that. Luckily, I have the specter of The Witcher's lengthy DLC waiting for me in the shadows.<br /><br />I have a pretty large list of games I want to play after The Witcher is over and done with. And coincidentally enough they're all incredibly long, investment heavy games with big open worlds and filled with dozens of filler side content I'm too compulsive to ignore. Metal Gear Solid V, Xenoblade Chronicles X, Far Cry 4, Fallout 4. I don't know when it happened, but a tight, linear gaming experience is apparently untrendy old man trash. Maybe next year I'll be done with one of <i>those </i>games and I'll check back in here.<br />
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In the near future, I'm excited for No Man's Sky.<br />
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Like, really <u>really </u>cautiously optimistic. It's one of those things that sounds like if it does everything it promises it will be one of the best games ever. Reminds me of how I felt reading previews for Fable. I imagine that isn't a good sign. Even if it missed the mark though, Fable was a pretty good game. And I imagine NMS will probably be OK too. We'll see.<br />
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<br />Luchalmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13316015417860624051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-54651986141390552272016-03-06T03:47:00.000-05:002016-03-06T03:47:00.880-05:00Lalaloopsy Review. [DS]I haven't played a DS game in a helluva long time. I have noticed Lalaloopsy dolls and since I think they're cute (I know, I know, way to "girl up" Robot Squad), I thought I'd get the game. I'm lucky it wasn't packed to the rafters with DLC, because it's published by Activision.<br />
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When the game starts, you get to pick which doll to play as. There are a lot of choices. I am not familiar with any of them and I picked one with pink hair on accident. You need to find your character's pet. After you've done that you can go in her house to have special "fun" (craft). My character made ballet slippers in her house. There are different tiers of the crafts being made.
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Loopsy's - Assemble!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtPwM8vOV7uoU18dTh8gnwLOOYpjXRFZBwv5jZO9k_FSRvrEA-FCjzCWQS7usdLey9f69sYEpOaHeKiBxHiP36vJDzy_UAswL-7Ocj8KmgevT1kCd-BIVffK7XVGuCWohOyRrdqouU9mU/s1600/20160306_171316.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtPwM8vOV7uoU18dTh8gnwLOOYpjXRFZBwv5jZO9k_FSRvrEA-FCjzCWQS7usdLey9f69sYEpOaHeKiBxHiP36vJDzy_UAswL-7Ocj8KmgevT1kCd-BIVffK7XVGuCWohOyRrdqouU9mU/s400/20160306_171316.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I am going to make ballet slippers.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmx6sB8fSVkG52LkHolR-VMd6VMdlfklmQX4O3FoGh_q0rawmf2uBRp3dfHIFr1S1vW6S0U9n-Y3xmAm_0JBoILHPNkaPpPK037DOP_l09vNEzLXzi-HLFU5MX8yQudmpV0D8dLi70x6Q/s1600/20160306_171630.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmx6sB8fSVkG52LkHolR-VMd6VMdlfklmQX4O3FoGh_q0rawmf2uBRp3dfHIFr1S1vW6S0U9n-Y3xmAm_0JBoILHPNkaPpPK037DOP_l09vNEzLXzi-HLFU5MX8yQudmpV0D8dLi70x6Q/s320/20160306_171630.jpg" width="242" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I am making ballet slippers.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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Tier 1 costs 0 supplies. The tier 2 and tier 3 cost more resources (obv). After you become friends with the other dolls you will get to make more crafts. So, if you like baking cookies (even better than Mama's) and sewing pillows and mittens, you've picked the right game.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4vQNTgO8qmSsY2Ry5r76F70FJZBs3zuDqfVDoJksFGF2W5_Imd-yUuwY_C4Kfg9-ZMSyW5ClQxGuktSAHhCFLeWlj_y6yLWryJq3tHVrp04fZMUjeT_NIEjBphdrOCo-oaxf46dO8qhQ/s1600/20160306_172509.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4vQNTgO8qmSsY2Ry5r76F70FJZBs3zuDqfVDoJksFGF2W5_Imd-yUuwY_C4Kfg9-ZMSyW5ClQxGuktSAHhCFLeWlj_y6yLWryJq3tHVrp04fZMUjeT_NIEjBphdrOCo-oaxf46dO8qhQ/s320/20160306_172509.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some more crafts(?)</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipPfYkmtZIKd9pq75xtjMNnmhK1mJA5o3_nFwb2qV5ourQCQ5eUXak8xiH8dTNoab9xOBtdedMvrlvNxIrgy68vNmj0R2zv-dAF4HMfGlbFlkrKBs3JDMiuRp-iyaDW3AHeDsUV-3ho5A/s1600/20160306_172519.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipPfYkmtZIKd9pq75xtjMNnmhK1mJA5o3_nFwb2qV5ourQCQ5eUXak8xiH8dTNoab9xOBtdedMvrlvNxIrgy68vNmj0R2zv-dAF4HMfGlbFlkrKBs3JDMiuRp-iyaDW3AHeDsUV-3ho5A/s320/20160306_172519.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This isn't really a craft, game, but OK!</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNWMJkwThsCnR_bUexKFH6KZW55Je3Gmlaj7aC7s71_Grfi_lJWE6NU3-JEaq5IO29YRqLns7m6ERbtXH4PwtMA2sb6HLTrtvJBpeQ5v1xolt0gaSHTxOLntGUltL0f859NKL9Q3WZpX0/s1600/20160306_174404.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNWMJkwThsCnR_bUexKFH6KZW55Je3Gmlaj7aC7s71_Grfi_lJWE6NU3-JEaq5IO29YRqLns7m6ERbtXH4PwtMA2sb6HLTrtvJBpeQ5v1xolt0gaSHTxOLntGUltL0f859NKL9Q3WZpX0/s320/20160306_174404.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Blossom gets her 7 inch charm bracelet.</td></tr>
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You walk between the Lalaloopsy houses, find their pets, make gifts in their houses to give to the other dolls and continue on your merry way to the next house. If you give them the right gift, you will be lifelong friends. At least, that's what the game tells me.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjp6OkwMDa0lZDGVR8dudg0oZbAc1ACku_gmrVf0X2UDX3A3bgH-gcWwh7HuyNi6aqEnu2G-NTRuPo92L3vYMYWZwvxqfBZ9uYRk2YC1xht_QBiPBn-Q0L0fYHsHUVfLW7gAvxBmp7Gg8/s1600/20160306_181142.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjp6OkwMDa0lZDGVR8dudg0oZbAc1ACku_gmrVf0X2UDX3A3bgH-gcWwh7HuyNi6aqEnu2G-NTRuPo92L3vYMYWZwvxqfBZ9uYRk2YC1xht_QBiPBn-Q0L0fYHsHUVfLW7gAvxBmp7Gg8/s320/20160306_181142.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is one of the harder pets to find.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi1ZxdxAyXhztzOiKfNMK37XJqs9zn7mf8WqNVjamzLlmM-PceXzOILRKkJZ6S50nuRrc0pQ2PrPgpDUFTHf8Ds7nlf566LOVLVFHkgWS2b2WarF8H2K55RvE4Fug1eccocVcK2tWYmTI/s1600/20160306_175246.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi1ZxdxAyXhztzOiKfNMK37XJqs9zn7mf8WqNVjamzLlmM-PceXzOILRKkJZ6S50nuRrc0pQ2PrPgpDUFTHf8Ds7nlf566LOVLVFHkgWS2b2WarF8H2K55RvE4Fug1eccocVcK2tWYmTI/s320/20160306_175246.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Women sure aren't shy asking for pretty things.</td></tr>
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I am yet to max any of my dolls friendship metres, though I was getting increasingly close before my 3DS gave me the low battery warning and I gave up. The game is very simple and probably not designed for 27 year old women.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4mwZ4iqoj1Kf0HKGJyvB8SzzEHgAb4YeIEI6A1gu5b13UZ3U2tufRaHRAhnX087Qjz07tQ1l3vlXtJoKKkY2yj1BjZcbTxWGAdtQWzWq5kXfpIEGfsO3VFRGB2nh3W99ybOvUA2iMk6k/s1600/20160306_172959.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4mwZ4iqoj1Kf0HKGJyvB8SzzEHgAb4YeIEI6A1gu5b13UZ3U2tufRaHRAhnX087Qjz07tQ1l3vlXtJoKKkY2yj1BjZcbTxWGAdtQWzWq5kXfpIEGfsO3VFRGB2nh3W99ybOvUA2iMk6k/s320/20160306_172959.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This game even has fast travel...</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeESnYqL4zg0xojJVbt34Au6uDSzoohKmhYFYJA3eWjcDXGZy5G0IDUvQEcPxC4LcgBz0zNRtO9bbSnWvPcPspYuxJ3yeWB_2xMJRHWUV3rnFoMgCD8oCa6QXBIEsCj_NJSqJ0IKPLc28/s1600/20160306_173432.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeESnYqL4zg0xojJVbt34Au6uDSzoohKmhYFYJA3eWjcDXGZy5G0IDUvQEcPxC4LcgBz0zNRtO9bbSnWvPcPspYuxJ3yeWB_2xMJRHWUV3rnFoMgCD8oCa6QXBIEsCj_NJSqJ0IKPLc28/s320/20160306_173432.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">...so you can get to the Jam factory, pronto.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Overall, the game is extremely repetitive and lacking content, but probably great for a young child who enjoys the dolls. I hope this review helps anyone on the fence about getting the game.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZZhIcyUjbClDR6WapwwfRV-GHP4zGQa-pfCcz2Tj5gElHYwLWTj422RP8Ch4b99wUj1yvXEyhxBFp-fCOc5tzY121MITC_nCsmomXnTfD5D7yDTWk_WdR0wpEmVFTr-7vSD4SVSQIfKo/s1600/later.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="144" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZZhIcyUjbClDR6WapwwfRV-GHP4zGQa-pfCcz2Tj5gElHYwLWTj422RP8Ch4b99wUj1yvXEyhxBFp-fCOc5tzY121MITC_nCsmomXnTfD5D7yDTWk_WdR0wpEmVFTr-7vSD4SVSQIfKo/s640/later.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Farewell, from the La-la-loozies.</td></tr>
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Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02229371732923493528noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-64877742971617323722016-01-18T16:49:00.004-05:002016-01-18T16:53:38.864-05:00Luchalma Library - Parasite Eve<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">Games are fun. You know what the best part of games are? Not playing them. The second best part? Words. With those truths in mind, companies have gone forth creating all sorts of fiction to describe in thousands of words just what Master Chief does on his days off. Video game books have an opportunity to enrich a video game's universe in ways the games themselves can't. It gives gamers an opportunity to connect with their favorite characters on a deeper level. It also mostly sucks.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">I've read a fair bit of video game literature, and I'll be telling you the good from the bad and fugly.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">First up is Parasite Eve, an appropriate enough book considering it immediately contradicts the premise. Rather than being based on a video game, it was itself adapted into a video game. How or why this was allowed to happen I could not say.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1Xyv-gwqotZ66E7pqXHX0A3QC6efj9P0wxbmkCimQUlKE8F8rqgMfTOWf70ZoeUZH7uQuvDafk7WIsCYLdNh68rjbsCqB0PRKzKW90iCosOaewQ3RCMUNFektQTYvyDy-U5ZiAc_qbYQ/s1600/51eL9-OnshL._SY344_BO1%252C204%252C203%252C200_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1Xyv-gwqotZ66E7pqXHX0A3QC6efj9P0wxbmkCimQUlKE8F8rqgMfTOWf70ZoeUZH7uQuvDafk7WIsCYLdNh68rjbsCqB0PRKzKW90iCosOaewQ3RCMUNFektQTYvyDy-U5ZiAc_qbYQ/s400/51eL9-OnshL._SY344_BO1%252C204%252C203%252C200_.jpg" width="261" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">My god, where do I even </span><em style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">begin</em><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;"> with this book.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">Let's start at the top with this: This book is the WORST. </span><strong style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">Worse </strong><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">than </span><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/221269.Caliban_Cove__Resident_Evil___2_" style="background-color: white; color: #666600; line-height: 18px;" title="Caliban Cove (Resident Evil, #2) by S.D. Perry">Caliban Cove</a>, a "canon" piece of Resident Evil fanfiction filth that I've tried on too many occasions to finish and gave up every time<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">. This book put me to sleep at least three times, though I had hoped my wife (who was reading it to me) didn't notice. In fact, having someone you love read it to you is its one saving grace. I can't imagine that's what author Hideaki Sena had in mind, so I refuse to give him credit for that. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">So what exactly is wrong with this book?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><strong style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">Figure 1.1</strong><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;"> - It's Boring</span></span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Literally 319½ pages of its 320 page run time are dedicated entirely to describing, in excruciating detail, the intricacies of advanced medical procedures. The remainder of the book is an eclectic mix of lectures on the history of mitochondrial evolution, and exhaustive commentaries on the colours of various things. An excerpt, from the pages of Parasite Eve:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Yoshimitsu stared at the wall. He stared at the white wall absentmindedly. It was white. He stared at it. He pondered its whiteness. It was not white exactly, but it was a kind of white. Not quite Ivory, but closer to it than it was to Eggshell. It reminded him of white things he had seen before. Milk. Paper. Snow. Its whiteness evoked a sense of emptiness. Suddenly a pain struck Yoshimitsu in his abdomen. He imagined a white ball of healing light. Not unlike the white wall...</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">And it just </span><em style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">goes on</em><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;"> like that. But that's far more exciting than the aforementioned medical terminology being vomited out for pages on end. Whether you like it or not, by the time you are finished reading Parasite Eve you are legally a practicing physician. You will surprise even yourself with how adeptly you perform unexpected kidney transplants.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">There is a sequel to this book out there, but I will be staying far away and I recommend you do the same.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinSIfh9hO1vOLDpZmaEvO4O9xpnWWEu77c3Xt3AaeVOb8XnnefHSDsR2Ld2qU7QrbvztzNjh_k0HU59ewLuaqh1Or48hQ6Ryf3u2ZnzatNqAUJ2wS4AkC809LmYqLFKu7j_8rmSUSsE-0/s1600/9092620.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinSIfh9hO1vOLDpZmaEvO4O9xpnWWEu77c3Xt3AaeVOb8XnnefHSDsR2Ld2qU7QrbvztzNjh_k0HU59ewLuaqh1Or48hQ6Ryf3u2ZnzatNqAUJ2wS4AkC809LmYqLFKu7j_8rmSUSsE-0/s400/9092620.jpg" width="302" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: small;"><em style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">Kids, let me tell you about the time I performed an emergency tracheotomy on your aunt Robin.</em><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;"> </span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><strong style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">Figure 1.2</strong><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;"> - The Translation</span></span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">I am convinced Tyran Grillo was given the job of translating Parasite Eve on a Monday, and told to have it done later that Monday. Spelling and grammar mistakes, repeated sentences, and an over-reliance on the few words in Grillo's vocabulary mar what could have been only a terrible book in the right hands. I'm very certain Hideaki Sena could have translated it into English himself with far better results. An excerpt, from the pages of Parasite Eve:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Toshiaki absentmindedly clenched his abdomen. He urinated at the site of the thing. He could bearly move. He clenched his abdomen. The gentle curve of the monster's pubic mound aroused him. He ran absentmindedly to the cultivation room...</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><strong style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">Figure 1.3</strong><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;"> - It's Not Scary</span></span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">When you dive into a novel described to you as belonging to the horror genre, you may expect a few things. If not a total shattering of your psyche, then at the very least a general sense of unease. Parasite Eve delivers neither, and couldn't be farther from the mark in both respects. The only suspense is in waiting for something interesting to happen; the only horror Tyran Grillo's flippant disrespect for the English language. By the time something </span><em style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">does</em><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;"> happen that one may describe as trying to be scary, it's so bogged down by 300+ pages of nonsense that you can't be bothered to care. Hell, even the monsters wax lyrical about the growth rate of cells. An excerpt, from the pages of Parasite Eve:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The monster snarled at Toshiaki. "Tooooshhhhiiiiaaaakkkiiii" it bellowed.</span><span style="background-color: transparent;"> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"What?" Toshiaki answered absentmindedly.</span><span style="background-color: transparent;"> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"In order to grow in size, cells must fuse new lipid vesicles with the cell membrane", the monster growled. "The vesicles are transported to sites of fusion on actin cables".</span><span style="background-color: transparent;"> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Toshiaki screamed.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">It baffles me that someone would read this book and think "Yeah, this is just </span><em style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">waiting</em><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;"> to have a video game adaptation. And surprisingly, the video game turned out alright. It's far scarier than the book could ever hope to be, and just an all around great survival horror/RPG game in its own right.</span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd-JBR8DoiUngtNYVVl2EBoBb23Zgn1JUmsig5a6Y884HC6fPrZXpWAf4hxHdyEQqvVsK3sMm7kWu7tuQt_csZW4k7prHYk-nT020GNnwFfJ_jfphNNMVVO2ZJRx6QNcX3jSnzQ4Phyoc/s1600/9092781._SX540_.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd-JBR8DoiUngtNYVVl2EBoBb23Zgn1JUmsig5a6Y884HC6fPrZXpWAf4hxHdyEQqvVsK3sMm7kWu7tuQt_csZW4k7prHYk-nT020GNnwFfJ_jfphNNMVVO2ZJRx6QNcX3jSnzQ4Phyoc/s640/9092781._SX540_.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-size: medium; line-height: 18px; text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Parasite Eve, copyright 1998 Squaresoft</span></em></td></tr>
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<h3>
<strong style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Conclusion, and Reflections</span></strong></h3>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">It was a long road. At some points during the book, I thought it would never be over. At others, I slept. But it's all behind me now. I forget a lot of things in my life, but with my luck Parasite Eve will not be one of them. The only positive I can make from this is hoping that I can prevent even one person from reading.</span>Luchalmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13316015417860624051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-54159207626999641172015-12-06T06:01:00.000-05:002015-12-07T02:30:55.057-05:00The Games of Decade Past10 years ago, Microsoft released the Xbox 360, the absurdly-named successor to its short lived Xbox machine. With it, Microsoft ushered in a new age of gaming. And I don't mean that in the grandiose way that overexcited middle age men in suits promise every year.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"But not me fellow youths. I just want to talk to you about the revolutionary new GameBox 10. With the power of the digi-cloud, it's going to solve world hunger and feature tight cutting-edge graphics."</td></tr>
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For better or worse, Microsoft set the stage for the last generation of consoles. But they were not alone. In the last decade, countless hardware manufactures, developers, publishers, and even everyday normal cool gamers like us have changed gaming as we know it immensely.<br />
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Here are just some of the things that have defined video gaming since then.<br />
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The popularity of game genres tend to come in and out of fashion. During the 16 bit era, waves of platformer after platformer crashed onto consoles' shores. During the 32 bit era, Japanese role playing games cut a swath through the industry. The PS2/Xbox/Gamecube generation was a period of transition, but the result is now clear in the absolute domination of the first person shooter as the premier game experience.<br />
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Absolutely nothing characterized the last 10 years more than the act of aiming down the sights of a high powered weapon and firing hot lead into somebody's child. More barrels were stared down than in a marathon game of Donkey Kong. The physical motion of pressing the left trigger then the right trigger has become instinct. Future generations of children will be born knowing how to pull off sick headshots.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCE3ipPlpwdhGQDEyZVFK7TkReaKUTrtR5sH8xtvZFpZJ7ZqmmKdh0q5v_Ib9KL-QBOEkQ0_sCDNzsBzKI5ob7hSNIGnGlmIvC_786fMcG1Qw4sUIelVzgyW7ZJZyA0y4bhDQ3M_eEsmo/s1600/1280x720-XE0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCE3ipPlpwdhGQDEyZVFK7TkReaKUTrtR5sH8xtvZFpZJ7ZqmmKdh0q5v_Ib9KL-QBOEkQ0_sCDNzsBzKI5ob7hSNIGnGlmIvC_786fMcG1Qw4sUIelVzgyW7ZJZyA0y4bhDQ3M_eEsmo/s640/1280x720-XE0.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rest in peace, xX_420Sniper_Xx.</td></tr>
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The Halo series was already very popular at the start of last generation (and until this year's Halo 5 was the final hold-out on the iron sights takeover), but it was the release of 2007's Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare that set off a nuclear bomb of first person devastation. It delivered an action filled campaign unprecedented in its level of grandeur, and a unique, addictive multiplayer experience that has been copied so much it's become the industry standard. Its explosive popularity spawned a legion of wannabes and neverwills.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You'll have to take my word for it that these are all different games.<br />
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One of the most important things Call of Duty did was...<br />
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Last generation, mainstream audiences learned what nerds knew all along.<br />
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Leveling up feels <i>good,</i> man.<br />
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In days long ago, experience points were exclusively the domain of the Dungeons & Dragons and Final Fantasy set. Leveling up was the result of vile creatures vanquished and rewarded with magical spells learned. Call of Duty 4 changed all that. Infinity Ward paired the age old carrot and stick method to first person shooter multiplayer action and gaming hasn't been the same since.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4VPwpYZ6J2DrpZRE3cmjZneo1-FXu9L3RdTmwp0gJ5W5TcuKH3hx2vgJ_MBHNB8a5dIwLaxAwfjDkWFBvKV0cic7MxJnpu0xy1drOMGh3RpuaaP8M4smTC8lt8rPflL4pHIk1IvaQK2A/s1600/EXP.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="140" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4VPwpYZ6J2DrpZRE3cmjZneo1-FXu9L3RdTmwp0gJ5W5TcuKH3hx2vgJ_MBHNB8a5dIwLaxAwfjDkWFBvKV0cic7MxJnpu0xy1drOMGh3RpuaaP8M4smTC8lt8rPflL4pHIk1IvaQK2A/s400/EXP.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Keep chasing that high.</i></td></tr>
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Before Call of Duty 4, when a multiplayer match ended that was pretty much it. You killed as many people as you could, your mother's honor was questioned a few dozen times, and you went on with your day. You left the experience the same as when you began and you soldiered on for the fun of it all. After COD, 'Persistence' became the word of the day. Everything you did was part of a larger metagame. You kill enemies for points to level up, you unlock more powerful weapons to make killing easier and thus leveling up faster to unlock more guns. And when you hit the max level, you start over and do it again. It's much easier to convince yourself this is fun when you're watching the bar fill up, inching ever so closer to the next reward. The phrase "with RPG elements" has become so ubiquitous it's essentially worthless.<br />
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Since then, developers have applied this philosophy to every kind of game imaginable, from racing games to open world action games.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Or in the case of GTA V, open world racing action games.</td></tr>
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OK, that's enough about Call of Duty.<br />
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The success of Call of Duty ushered in a new era of mega-blockbusters in video games. Spectacle and extravagance were emphasized, and it all came with an advertising budget in the billions. With this, however, came raised expectations. Every publisher gambled on large projects on the hopes of creating its own money printing franchise. In almost every case, this blew up in their face. Games that would have been a huge success 10 years ago were considered failures as publishers worked under the assumption that throwing money at a game guaranteed a hit.<br />
<br />
Because the market does not work like that, this left developer after developer closing its doors. Suddenly, there was no room for modest hits. The rise of the AAA game left the AA's and the A's with nowhere to go.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=459131">Here's a list</a> of only some of the development houses closed just between 2006 and 2012.<br />
<br />
38 Studios - 2012<br />
3D Realms - 2009<br />
4mm Games - 2012<br />
7 Studios (Activision) - 2011<br />
ACES Studio (Microsoft) - 2009<br />
Action Forms - 2009<br />
Artech Studios - 2011<br />
Ascaron - 2009<br />
Atomic Elbow - 2008<br />
Backbone Vancouver - 2009<br />
Beam Software/Melbourne House - 2010<br />
BigBig (Sony) - 2012<br />
Big Huge Games - 2012<br />
Bizarre Creations (Activision) - 2010/2011<br />
Black Hole Entertainment - 2012<br />
Black Rock (Disney) - 2011<br />
Blue Fang Games - 2011<br />
Blue Tongue (THQ) - 2011<br />
BottleRocket - 2009<br />
Brash Entertainment - 2008<br />
Budcat (Activision) - 2010<br />
Carbonated Games - 2008<br />
Castaway Entertainment - 2008<br />
Cavia - 2010<br />
Cheyenne Mountain - 2010<br />
Cing - 2010<br />
Clover Studios (Capcom) - 2006<br />
Codemasters Guildford - 2011<br />
Cohort Studios - 2011<br />
Concrete Games - 2008<br />
Dark Energy Digital - 2012<br />
Deep Silver Vienna - 2010<br />
DICE Canada - 2006<br />
Digital Anvil - 2006<br />
EA Chicago - 2007<br />
EA Bright Light 2011/2012<br />
EA Japan - 2007<br />
Eden Games - 2012<br />
Eidos Manchester - 2009<br />
Eds Hungary - 2010<br />
Empire Interactive - 2009<br />
Ensemble Studios - 2008<br />
Etrange Libellules - 2012<br />
Eurocom - 2012<br />
Factor 5 - 2009<br />
FASA (Microsoft) - 2007<br />
Fizz Factor - 2009<br />
Flagship Studios -2008<br />
Flight Plan - 2010<br />
Frozen North Productions<br />
Funcom Beijing - 2013<br />
FuzzyEyes - 2009<br />
Gaia<br />
Gamelab - 2009<br />
Game Republic - 2011<br />
GRIN - 2009<br />
Groove Games - 2010<br />
Gutso Games - 2012<br />
HB Studios Halifax - 2012<br />
Helixe (THQ) - 2008<br />
Hogrocket - 2012<br />
Hudson Entertainment - 2011<br />
Hudson Soft - 2012<br />
Humannature Studio (Nexon Vancouver) - 2009<br />
Ignition London - 2010<br />
Ignition Florida - 2010<br />
ImaginEngine - 2012<br />
Impossible Studios - 2013<br />
Incognito Entertainment (Sony) - 2009<br />
Indie Built (Take-Two) - 2006<br />
Iron Lore - 2008<br />
Juice Games (THQ) - 2011<br />
Junction Point - 2013<br />
Kaos Studios (THQ) - 2011<br />
Killaware - 2011<br />
Killspace Entertainment - 2011<br />
KMM Brisbane - 2011<br />
Kuju Manila - 2009<br />
Kuju Chemistry - 2009<br />
Kush Games - 2008<br />
Locomotive Games (THQ) - 2010<br />
Loose Cannon Studios - 2010<br />
Luxoflux - 2010<br />
Mass Media (THQ) - 2008<br />
Microsoft Game Studios Vancouver - 2012<br />
Monte Cristo - 2010<br />
Monumental Games - 2012<br />
Midway Austin - 2009<br />
Midway Newcastle - 2009<br />
MTV Games - 2011<br />
Multiverse - 2012<br />
NetDevil - 2011<br />
Ninja Studio - 2009<br />
Nihon Telenet - 2007<br />
Outerlight - 2010<br />
Outspark - 2013<br />
PAM Development (Take-Two) - 2008<br />
Pandemic Australia (EA) - 2009<br />
Pandemic LA (EA) - 2009<br />
Paradigm Entertainment - 2008<br />
Pi Studios - 2011<br />
Pivotal Games (Take-Two) - 2008<br />
PopCap Dublin - 2012<br />
Propaganda Games (Disney) - 2011<br />
Pseudo Interactive - 2008<br />
Radical Entertainment - 2012<br />
Rainbow Studios (THQ) - 2011<br />
Razorworks - 2009<br />
Reakktor Media - 2012<br />
Realtime Worlds - 2010<br />
Rebellion Derby - 2010<br />
Red Octane - 2010<br />
Redtribe - 2008<br />
Rockstar Vancouver - 2012<br />
Rockstar Vienna - 2006<br />
Sandblast Games (THQ) - 2008<br />
SEGA San Francisco - 2010<br />
Sensory Sweep Studios - 2010<br />
Seta - 2008<br />
Shaba Games (Activision) - 2009<br />
SideCar Studios - 2007<br />
Sierra Online - 2008<br />
Snapdragon Games - 2009<br />
SOE Denver - 2011<br />
SOE Seattle - 2011<br />
SOE Tuscon - 2011<br />
Sony Liverpool - 2012<br />
Spellbound Entertainment - 2012<br />
Stormfront Studios - 2008<br />
Straylight Studios - 2009<br />
Team Bondi - 2011<br />
The Code Monkeys - 2011<br />
Titan Studios - 2009<br />
THQ Australia - 2009<br />
THQ Digital Warrington - 2009<br />
THQ San Diego - 2012<br />
Transmission Games/IR Gurus - 2009<br />
Ubisoft Brazil - 2010<br />
Ubisoft Vancouver - 2012<br />
Underground Development/Z-Axis (Activision) - 2010<br />
Universomo (THQ) - 2009<br />
Venom Games (Take Two) - 2008<br />
Vicarious Visions California - 2007<br />
Visceral Montreal - 2013<br />
Vigil Games - 2013<br />
Visceral Australia (EA) - 2011<br />
Wizarbox - 2013<br />
Wolfpack Studios - 2006<br />
Yuke’s Company Of America - 2010<br />
Zipper Interactive - 2012<br />
Zoe Mode London - 2009<br />
Zoonami - 2011<br />
Zynga Boston - 2012<br />
Zynga Japan - 2013<br />
<br />
That's....that's like all of the developers right? Who's even left to make video games?<br />
<br />
The idea of two guys in a basement creating a hit game was killed by ballooning budgets and sky-high expectations.<br />
<br />
Or was it...<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVLl2Eds0QLgRfbl6WEoUXHrgZY77LgddIqKhAef4o-L-D2LEPjYIbOiCNhmjCWouR77vrRPZQcTaqzAnAfgopEtvhbdlfyayU_ewVV2RZiC7_t1VVqM4WfLSNhlBxOznm5-7ZKp_maIA/s1600/Braid%252BLogo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVLl2Eds0QLgRfbl6WEoUXHrgZY77LgddIqKhAef4o-L-D2LEPjYIbOiCNhmjCWouR77vrRPZQcTaqzAnAfgopEtvhbdlfyayU_ewVV2RZiC7_t1VVqM4WfLSNhlBxOznm5-7ZKp_maIA/s1600/Braid%252BLogo.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
For the first time, the tools for creating a video game have became accessible that enough that anyone with the ambition and talent can create something remarkable.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR7akE4IcirWND5rOeYDxpXFgaj6Gq7qn3fV8HLCI6Y_PGCtwpbc2oOuz9AsgnH3AdV-zGm81vhZf01CNan4b0D8psj_3oi6rcVssDKuBavJsJPpmI-zm3uEjyQ7wjQ5wmsyGR-iW-6jw/s1600/Indie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="356" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR7akE4IcirWND5rOeYDxpXFgaj6Gq7qn3fV8HLCI6Y_PGCtwpbc2oOuz9AsgnH3AdV-zGm81vhZf01CNan4b0D8psj_3oi6rcVssDKuBavJsJPpmI-zm3uEjyQ7wjQ5wmsyGR-iW-6jw/s640/Indie.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Although it's possible to release something with neither.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
The proliferation of digital distribution services on consoles and Steam have allowed all of those aforementioned unemployed developers to work on smaller scale projects, making the kinds of games you can't make when hundreds of millions of dollars are on the line.. Almost in response to mainstream gaming becoming more and more commercialized and commodified, the independent games have became more niche and experimental.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOMHTr-6SUTJnMX-2wAiEPKampAI3PazQadIMxNwpcpK6dzenB09HcbiSanVtrSdfVCZFzJn_RuOnD0AlRqqF0sHwVjCX14ikELuP3xhz73axVpZT2mjFRAtd7O9uUmvjAo0zIDG-U1Yk/s1600/McPixel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="314" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOMHTr-6SUTJnMX-2wAiEPKampAI3PazQadIMxNwpcpK6dzenB09HcbiSanVtrSdfVCZFzJn_RuOnD0AlRqqF0sHwVjCX14ikELuP3xhz73axVpZT2mjFRAtd7O9uUmvjAo0zIDG-U1Yk/s640/McPixel.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is all very self explanatory.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Developers like Johnathon Blow and Edmund McMillen became household names overnight.<br />
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<br />
<br />
Well.....certain households.<br />
<br />
<br />
Over the course of these last 10 years, these small games have evolved from novel little time wasters you play between your <i>real</i> games, to a driving force in the industry. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWZBWTgy3yo_TztDubqnFxg5bByZd9YuEbwgLgF_w7HE22rQUZlv7SW5JGxdINmcZLNHnfNM0yR8t6wvJnuimDA1OQ56hOlMsKGn3tJkcmNszYxM7gMfZzfES7hk7yhaU8nQr-N9MuiIQ/s1600/Indie.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="518" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWZBWTgy3yo_TztDubqnFxg5bByZd9YuEbwgLgF_w7HE22rQUZlv7SW5JGxdINmcZLNHnfNM0yR8t6wvJnuimDA1OQ56hOlMsKGn3tJkcmNszYxM7gMfZzfES7hk7yhaU8nQr-N9MuiIQ/s640/Indie.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Though they still tend to fit into one of a few categories.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Sony and Microsoft have spent a lot of time and resources to secure exclusive indie games for their machines. On Steam, the bigger studio games are drowned in an ocean of pixel retro platformers and roguelike-like-likes. It's become a very crowded market thanks to the lower stakes, but it's clear that indie games aren't going anywhere.<br />
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<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjkA4KD_G5bQ_GlsGuVtTTBwUBz74Cj-erOmJksdQFQ9fXPBfIcazJ-JbnyImMxEV4DtzI5itjUUixtAq3MWOpEHZc9iCEKlBFasFtJqUBcSU00ZfB6s5iRFwL21aawjFUaaMkbtm9pbw/s1600/Money+Logo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjkA4KD_G5bQ_GlsGuVtTTBwUBz74Cj-erOmJksdQFQ9fXPBfIcazJ-JbnyImMxEV4DtzI5itjUUixtAq3MWOpEHZc9iCEKlBFasFtJqUBcSU00ZfB6s5iRFwL21aawjFUaaMkbtm9pbw/s1600/Money+Logo.png" /></a></div>
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<br />
<br />
<br />
With all those giant ballooning budgets, you better believe that publishers have thought of as many ways as they can to get more money out of each project. When the 360 was first announced, it was explained that for the first time game makers would be able to sell additional content for their games straight to the consumer. It was an exciting concept, but the more cynical among us were quick to point out how easy this could turn exploitative. It wasn't long before seemingly the worst of the fears were realized, when Bethesda had the gall to charge real human money for an innocent set of armor for an in-game horse.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC6xi0rIbGfl98BHgsCuAfEqWMg1Q5B5eSCdYE7oMEVfqluzGr21d1tryIFS8Tm5rvvq8skyT3_KABVnrmEhEl9EMuvrAvGoErVTzi2bEKz1CvjHDeQG22HeCPuOkuQuQBho7R4d3vNJs/s1600/Horsie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC6xi0rIbGfl98BHgsCuAfEqWMg1Q5B5eSCdYE7oMEVfqluzGr21d1tryIFS8Tm5rvvq8skyT3_KABVnrmEhEl9EMuvrAvGoErVTzi2bEKz1CvjHDeQG22HeCPuOkuQuQBho7R4d3vNJs/s640/Horsie.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look upon this beautiful beast, and remember well Bethesda's sin.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It was a laughingstock at the time. A testament to how bad this whole <i>microtransaction </i>thing was, and a harbinger of the death of gaming.<br />
<br />
But a lot can change in just a few years.<br />
<br />
Paying for content that's already present on the disc, paying for the real ending of a game, paying for in-game clothes, paying for cheats, for in-game currency, for competitive shortcuts, it's all so commonplace now that no one bats an eye. It's simply a matter of course that the game you pay $60 for is now simply the base platform for all the doodads and whatsits they'll add down the line. Most games now launch with a "season pass", sometimes the price of a game itself, that simply ensures you'll be able to play most everything a game has to offer. Publishers have raised the price of games without raising the price of games.<br />
<br />
Of course, that's all well and good to ask for money <i>after </i>you've put out a good product. It takes a lot of balls to ask for money for a game before it's even finished. Double Fine's landmark Kickstarter (for what had eventually become Broken Age, by all accounts a pretty fine game) was a huge moment. Here was a pretty famous developer. asking people for donations for a game that at the time didn't exist in any form. And it worked. Rather well in fact. Not well enough as it turns out, as they could only release half a game with the hopes that sales would fund the second half, but hey. It broke records. From then on, gamers had a way to help finance games the market decided it didn't have room for, and developers with little more than a neat idea and a slick pitch video had a way to fund their crazy/cool/crazy-cool dreams.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2FGZfXSQIbG5rPodPA0pvm6i_Jeqaogk_5BXhsKcszN0cvUnWaOT4CIEUwInkdhRAV_Sw2pNP1L7rlejKws7NM-_zL5yO9wNcUqbFeYGEBpnsBIYJtOe7ssEsQ0Xdp1_4D859yfqJYow/s1600/Kickstarter2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2FGZfXSQIbG5rPodPA0pvm6i_Jeqaogk_5BXhsKcszN0cvUnWaOT4CIEUwInkdhRAV_Sw2pNP1L7rlejKws7NM-_zL5yO9wNcUqbFeYGEBpnsBIYJtOe7ssEsQ0Xdp1_4D859yfqJYow/s1600/Kickstarter2.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Steam has since launched the <i>Early Access</i> initiative. With that, developers can release what is essentially a demo, charge money for it, and add more content to it <b>if they feel like it</b>. It seems like every other game released on the service is in Early Access. It's a pretty good idea in theory. Fans can be a part of the development cycle, devs get money to keep making the game. Win-win. There have been a few instances of developers essentially taking the money and running, but that's a risk you take when you donate to a Kickstarter game or get early access to an Early Access game. I sound cynical about the whole thing, and I am, but the option is out there for people to use or ignore. I just miss when a game just came out and you bought it and that was it. But that model is old, and while it will never go away completely, there's plenty of alternatives now and they're here to stay.<br />
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<div style="text-align: left;">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-l-o4oyzY8hPwCxC8DB1siHhYOZyoddj4gLYetmV7SiBlYBD5vpjiVhqG6wpjnezdh_QBeNqU0L_uwM77OH1TWDUNG0eBCyQQnL_XIK9CKsGWCMpGhw85A01hI3Exd70-IEypDI9iwFo/s1600/Achieve+Logo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-l-o4oyzY8hPwCxC8DB1siHhYOZyoddj4gLYetmV7SiBlYBD5vpjiVhqG6wpjnezdh_QBeNqU0L_uwM77OH1TWDUNG0eBCyQQnL_XIK9CKsGWCMpGhw85A01hI3Exd70-IEypDI9iwFo/s1600/Achieve+Logo.png" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
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<div style="text-align: left;">
Everybody likes to feel like they're getting shit done. Playing video games is <i>fun</i> and all, but what do you get for all the hours spent playing other than memories of the princesses rescued and aliens murdered? Before 2005, not much. A few ambitious folks mastered games so thoroughly that they made their own challenges. Beating a game without taking damage, beating it in 5 minutes or less, beating it in co-op with a girlfriend who has to ask constantly where the R1 button is. But even after accomplishing the impossible, no one wold ever believe you. A dusty Polaroid of the high score screen was as convincing as Caitlyn Jenner. But with the 360, Microsoft gave everyone the chance to settle once and for all whose time was worth less.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKDazmMKOycFeKBUQ01GV21MY8BlufEb4W8UNQuoaOyu_bFfzPrwwZzXCtIpkNw1MoDlovpXjqRfp76mNniCqYy9qLDx53lzrQ-bEyyPbq6w2kiFxgSrxvaFCiktKDCLsjWzxtOcj0RtU/s1600/BELEIVE+YOU.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKDazmMKOycFeKBUQ01GV21MY8BlufEb4W8UNQuoaOyu_bFfzPrwwZzXCtIpkNw1MoDlovpXjqRfp76mNniCqYy9qLDx53lzrQ-bEyyPbq6w2kiFxgSrxvaFCiktKDCLsjWzxtOcj0RtU/s640/BELEIVE+YOU.png" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
It didn't take long for the competition to realize the addictive power of meaningless digital checklists. Sony quickly and inelegantly patched "Trophy" support into its games, Steam added its own twist on the idea called....well, Achievements. iOS has 'em, Android has 'em, they've been retroactively added to classic games. There's no where you can go to play games without the inflated ego boost Achievements bring.<br />
<br />
Except for Nintendo games, of course. But The Big N has been quietly shuffling to the beat of its own Donkey Kong bongos for a while now, hasn't it. Which brings us to the next thing...</div>
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<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXGurBs2glEB2AHZOlYFnsX0Ub-eayZromN57QO7oY18tfBCTdiVcYc_NVQcFH6F8jmSgqi6kRvKSPovinOzgrBK4siTOZKLxAg56qpbb2LWLUivFo6etXOyXW0U2mRL0uZVZfjbu2_V4/s1600/Logo+Motion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXGurBs2glEB2AHZOlYFnsX0Ub-eayZromN57QO7oY18tfBCTdiVcYc_NVQcFH6F8jmSgqi6kRvKSPovinOzgrBK4siTOZKLxAg56qpbb2LWLUivFo6etXOyXW0U2mRL0uZVZfjbu2_V4/s1600/Logo+Motion.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />
<br />
Coming out of the Gamecube generation, people were wondering what the hell Nintendo was going to do. Its last console was at best a modest failure, and the N64 before it didn't fare much better. It was becoming pretty clear this whole "Playstation" fad was gonna last a while, so Nintendo had to pull a last minute fuck-it maneuver. I don't know if anybody expected them to present gamers with a TV remote you have to jiggle as its revolutionary new thing. Around the world, the announcement was met with a "....the fuck?" (translated to the appropriate language, of course). What the hell was Nintendo <i>doing</i>? They had announced a game system <b>where you had to move to play</b>. We all started playing games <u>because </u>we didn't want to go outside to play football with the rest of the kids. This was it, we all mourned. Nintendo was dead, and with it, our childhoods. This was going to finish what the Virtual Boy and Tingle the "fairy" started.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWRZVwddghCfIbvFwlTyE__wec9zHaNVeuzG7GdNAuq9PwVM_M-g696G5UwGygF14MtSwwkU-HkWv-7IV1z-WDKJZNzu6eMXMiG0UPyIqdeZ7IukZEHZBCVPhF_kaA3JliLQ2JsyW5gGo/s1600/Controller.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWRZVwddghCfIbvFwlTyE__wec9zHaNVeuzG7GdNAuq9PwVM_M-g696G5UwGygF14MtSwwkU-HkWv-7IV1z-WDKJZNzu6eMXMiG0UPyIqdeZ7IukZEHZBCVPhF_kaA3JliLQ2JsyW5gGo/s640/Controller.bmp" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Started by whatever malicious squid aliens these controllers were designed for, probably.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Well, as anyone even passingly familiar with Earth could tell you, Nintendo politely nodded at such criticisms, took a shit all over them, and rode a waggling train of money all the way to the bank. The popularity of the Nintendo Wii as as explosively sudden as it was unexpected. Every child, adult, and crusty octogenarian wanted to play with their Wiis. Launching with the mini game compilation/tech demo <i>Wii Sports, </i>Nintendo created a cultural phenomenon of virtual bowling.<br />
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It wasn't long before everyone saw the mountains of money forming around Nintendo headquarters and wanted a piece of the action. Microsoft introduced the world to Project Natal (what later became the Kinect), and Sony announced the Playstation Move. In classic fashion, Microsoft developed a slightly different take on a competitor's idea (your body <i>is the controller), </i>while Sony stuck a Playstation logo on the competitor's product when they thought no one was looking.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.thetanooki.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/WiiRemote-versus-PS-Move-640x309.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.thetanooki.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/WiiRemote-versus-PS-Move-640x309.jpg" height="308" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Put balls on <i>our </i>phallic controller. No one will suspect anything." - Sony Executive</td></tr>
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Surprisingly these did pretty well for themselves too. People were pretty OK with video games becoming mostly exercise. A new age of gaming was born.<br />
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And then...it...eh...sorta died.<br />
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The public's appetite for dancing and swinging in front of our TVs could only last so long. Some people bought Wii's for Wii Sports and nothing else. The Kinect never really delivered on its promise of real time full body tracking, and the Move...stopped moving. It was a weird, wonderful time in gaming, but our sprained wrists and sore backs were happy to see it end.<br />
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Shooting things at other things is a big part of gaming. Not being one of the things being shot is the other part. Before 2006, running around wildly and standing behind a wall were your only real options for defense in shooter games. Gears of War, taking a lot of cues from an earlier but mostly ignored game named Kill.Switch, showed the world there was another way: crouching behind boxes and twiddling your thumbs until the enemy stops firing before popping up and shooting wildly at their cover.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO1pXV384CUfn3XjLdn6Kkb93tqAbPRsRVT_qapOX3l7e7ifu2OXaeiGyTtyayWbBeVmCw3b2HDaOHc9VbptCetIPm95luA61VQUke5kcyJPC8Eo1dDhTFMoPSNXEjP-6rRysjzQ-ETJk/s1600/gears-war.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="372" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO1pXV384CUfn3XjLdn6Kkb93tqAbPRsRVT_qapOX3l7e7ifu2OXaeiGyTtyayWbBeVmCw3b2HDaOHc9VbptCetIPm95luA61VQUke5kcyJPC8Eo1dDhTFMoPSNXEjP-6rRysjzQ-ETJk/s640/gears-war.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Did you hear something?"<br />
"I'll check in a minute. It's our turn to shoot soon."</td></tr>
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This fundamentally changed the way third person shooters were designed. Now you'd walk into an environment, see tons of carefully and conveniently placed waist high obstacles, and just <i>know </i>shit is about to go down. You'd think the world is just <b>filled </b>with 3 foot tall cement slabs and stacks of wooden crates. Suddenly not shooting is the hottest thing in shooting.<br />
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Admittedly, it's definitely more realistic. Shooters before were little more than Rambo simulators. And as cool as it is to just walk into a room and blast the hell out of everyone with little or no concern for personal health, sometimes it's alright to just slow things down and take turns shooting volleys like gentlemen.<br />
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There are lots of ways gaming has been transformed over the last decade. Trends rose and fell, companies came and went, people found new and different ways to play, and the audience of potential gamers was expanded from most people to <i>all </i>the people.<br />
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There's too much to chronicle in one article; the plastic instrument novelty, the rise of digital gaming, game re-releases, the marginalizing of the single player game, consoles becoming more multimedia focused, and the evolution of the "phone game" from simple distractions to big business. The list goes on and on. There's a lot of pessimism surrounding gaming today. Do consoles still have a place in today's market? Are half baked unfinished games ruining gaming? Is the flooded market headed for another crash? Maybe some of the concerns are valid, but it's clear from the last ten years, and the ten years before that, and the decade before that, that video games are a robust industry. Things may change, but people are always going to want the kind of escapism only games can provide. As long as there are people to play them, good games will always be in the process of being made. And whether we're swiping like drunken hobos at invisible virtual reality zombies or playing laser tennis on the moon, that's all that matters.<br />
<br />Luchalmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13316015417860624051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-65244703618583307232015-12-02T03:57:00.001-05:002015-12-02T03:57:57.060-05:00December Update.I've never been the type of person to believe in New Year's Resolutions. If people want to change, they should do so any time of year rather than letting the calendar dictate their actions.<br />
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Lately my outrageous Steam backlog has been bothering me. I've been craving certain genres and I look at this list that's longer than Ruby Oliver's treasure map of boys (and believe me, that's a long list). So, today I decided, yep, I'm doing it.<br />
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That's right, I'm organizing my Steam games, baby! I have done a lot more today than I thought I would, especially considering that I attended 2 Christmas parties today and went grocery shopping (which always takes way too long). I couldn't have done it without my husband, the amazing Lucha Llama.<br />
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He's been pretty busy playing Fallout 4 and Alien Isolation when he gets a chance. Together we play Donkey Kong: Tropical Freeze, but we only do so when we have Banana Tim Tams. We also started Little Big Planet 3, Sengoku Basara: Samurai Heroes and Tales of Graces f until it became not fun and <strike>Emeraude didn't become my party member, stupid bitch.</strike> Solo Bekness has been rockin' Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker, Persona 4 and tonight I'm going to begin Sudokuball Detective and hopefully poundin' coffee so hard.<br />
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I'd like to say I'll be bringing you, our loyal readers more reviews over the next few months, but that'd probably be a lie. We will, however, be working on our end of year awards, and they're going to knock your socks off.*<br />
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Thanks to all our readers (hah!), and I hope you enjoy the silly season.<br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">*socks may actually stay on</span>Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02229371732923493528noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-20299783939180779772015-11-16T04:12:00.000-05:002015-11-16T04:13:31.574-05:00Dramatic Cake Eating #56: Muffin KnightWith some games, you spend months pouring over screenshots, absorbing every trailer, and reading every preview article while you decide if it's the right game for you.<br />
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And with others, you're sold with little more than a name. Muffin Knight is one of those games.<br />
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<a href="http://www.bewaretherobotsquad.com/2015/11/dramatic-cake-eating-56-muffin-knight.html#more" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="188" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe9wBspHIajV4btDzsRHjZV3UHHpCE763ntoX_DnCJMSVjycOTURF-8OTAgWpA2rYMZ48c1D8HO8YklKw0nOHu_ruWPFLzpvpF2th_DnHt14GbIR8cN8B3t6IvTOvCftR9s14XX_Hjwwo/s640/Logo.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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Muffin Knight is a game about collecting muffins. Though you really spend very little time as a knight, so the name is only partly appropriate. It is comprised of small multi-tiered arena style levels, with infinitely spawning enemies and muffins. Run around and get the muffins until you die. That's it. That's Muffin Knight.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipxZHGvjpoylyCDT1sgZ-UcNYJdI-FBg4ZO506ZEde8y5gQsFIX5bpoENn2ACGPT8BZY3DpJjJqH6MQLd-Yrj2AS9eoHwTBG00R5KcnE4eudVwVl9o1_a6P4yYqajWQMxNtzziUTUb5cY/s1600/final+verdict.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="122" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipxZHGvjpoylyCDT1sgZ-UcNYJdI-FBg4ZO506ZEde8y5gQsFIX5bpoENn2ACGPT8BZY3DpJjJqH6MQLd-Yrj2AS9eoHwTBG00R5KcnE4eudVwVl9o1_a6P4yYqajWQMxNtzziUTUb5cY/s1600/final+verdict.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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BUT WAIT! There's more!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPO7t4fgJD0BE378Se9FV9FoQs9PGV-YEbiCWd-0Mq8XcSL0h4gH0u6kzK5_QWZWctaOyWt-5PvfNNXRAL-fFNtFtlKFmmxLox_HdK9pmIh3yOdA4BFoYSPRipbaMQbPAY_H-NUen5oZI/s1600/1fed46679a00b5dd3ba259701970635c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPO7t4fgJD0BE378Se9FV9FoQs9PGV-YEbiCWd-0Mq8XcSL0h4gH0u6kzK5_QWZWctaOyWt-5PvfNNXRAL-fFNtFtlKFmmxLox_HdK9pmIh3yOdA4BFoYSPRipbaMQbPAY_H-NUen5oZI/s400/1fed46679a00b5dd3ba259701970635c.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>There's always more.</i></td></tr>
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The story starts with an old lady shitting behind a bush. If that doesn't tell you that you want to play this game, I don't know what more I can tell you.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDEaqNcrSwbv-xTXsL-57McKCOsrMNhLVWEWyHIjTOLjpQQcthAXADzEk3CsIlcXFZ2DJCOpC6CGPA5eYg5-fjozTFUJjP0uHlWYACsuWPD7ZuAzoyXWgIARC6jvEstVHfPIo8AL_QPYo/s1600/Shit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="417" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDEaqNcrSwbv-xTXsL-57McKCOsrMNhLVWEWyHIjTOLjpQQcthAXADzEk3CsIlcXFZ2DJCOpC6CGPA5eYg5-fjozTFUJjP0uHlWYACsuWPD7ZuAzoyXWgIARC6jvEstVHfPIo8AL_QPYo/s640/Shit.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Excuse me sonny, just making some Early Access games back here."</td></tr>
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A lad is walking through the woods and finds a bowl of fresh muffins. He goes to eat them, because who wouldn't get down on some free muffins? When he touches them, they explode all over the place. The old lady plops out from behind the bush and takes umbrage with this. She then curses him....<b>to be a</b> <b>knight</b>.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBgII-P_Tk-Kch8aGcdZIUEhx6abCz4B4nh2QvKAuEuoDGWZV8w5Sqv_bnyL-W3t9hA9lJNxJGsdJiI377Lg2LHHcfoG8j1DCasWovsmeyJcBHtvJlVk1jt702CpanXgSVrO5ZxDDhACg/s1600/Knight.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="345" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBgII-P_Tk-Kch8aGcdZIUEhx6abCz4B4nh2QvKAuEuoDGWZV8w5Sqv_bnyL-W3t9hA9lJNxJGsdJiI377Lg2LHHcfoG8j1DCasWovsmeyJcBHtvJlVk1jt702CpanXgSVrO5ZxDDhACg/s640/Knight.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO---<br />
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Wait.<br />
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Wait this is pretty sweet.</td></tr>
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He is tasked with venturing all over the world collecting all of the muffins in order to return to his former self. It seems to me that just taking the armor off would be an easier gig, but hey, that's me.<br />
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You travel from stage to stage collecting a certain number of muffins before unlocking the next level. Every time you collect a muffin, you change classes. There's 18 different characters in the game, all with different abilities and proficiencies.<br />
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But not all Muffin Knight classes are created equally.<br />
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It seems the developers started out with some generally interesting ideas. A cat that's also a ninja. Ninja Cat. Cool. Next. A unicorn that drops explosive rainbow shits. That's....yeah. Yeah! A junk-food vomiting zombie? Sure, why not! And then, at some point, when the drugs wore off or whatever, they thought up such instant classics as 'bird' and 'frog'. Not "frog that's also a divorced used car salesman". A frog and nothing else. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipeBWmSX1rsk_QjpWM1k1akB_TqIiZyEFy1YXbjn7bjP1zyrUk8wR3aaVj8ZxoklDW0kA0Fzwb1TqC0bVB52LzwWePafPQsUqs_sKfiAr4MBA9G3dxt9C6oan3_7gfOeKFfMk6ENCrEbU/s1600/Frog+Eagle.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipeBWmSX1rsk_QjpWM1k1akB_TqIiZyEFy1YXbjn7bjP1zyrUk8wR3aaVj8ZxoklDW0kA0Fzwb1TqC0bVB52LzwWePafPQsUqs_sKfiAr4MBA9G3dxt9C6oan3_7gfOeKFfMk6ENCrEbU/s640/Frog+Eagle.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Unless "Frog that looks like Sam the Eagle" is somehow a clever character trait.</td></tr>
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And the classes vary wildly in usefulness. Of the 18 characters, about 3 are of any real use. And they are selected randomly every time you get a muffin, so you spend the majority of the time fighting against whatever shitty character you have. It can be a real bummer when you're on a hot muffin streak and you get the fucking <i>monkey, </i>which more often than not will only lead to your own death. The Monkey and the Pumpking (the Gobots version of Jack Skellington) shoot projectiles that fly horizontally across the screen or down any platforms it touches, respectively. They'll kill some of the enemies they touch, which is the only redeeming thing about these characters. If they hit you, and they will, your character is stunned. And in this game enemies are spawning constantly and endlessly, so any second you're not actively avoiding them is a second you're already dead. If you're playing with another player, it's inevitable you'll be killed again and again by innocently thrown bananas.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXaoaM6bt78pwVcZU_AuTY-v53ul8N3u4onW6J1_on4-LGVfNKkPfbFvuwSRCPv4_tqfwifiZCinG6mXacipeOv6PysLY8OZZz46crBQ70A3ZskoN2kX1CfnOeMkqnEYWZ3UfvOg9EjWk/s1600/Dead+Monkey+Walking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXaoaM6bt78pwVcZU_AuTY-v53ul8N3u4onW6J1_on4-LGVfNKkPfbFvuwSRCPv4_tqfwifiZCinG6mXacipeOv6PysLY8OZZz46crBQ70A3ZskoN2kX1CfnOeMkqnEYWZ3UfvOg9EjWk/s640/Dead+Monkey+Walking.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I know it was you, Monkey. <i>You broke my heart</i>."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The characters can level up and power up their attacks, but this really only makes the more OP characters more OP and the shitty characters slightly less shitty.<br />
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Perks can also be unlocked and equipped to help your quest for baked goods. Things like the ability to double jump or slow down time. If one of those sounds more helpful to you, congratulations, you are a Muffin Knight master now.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhz9m60Y3lG0Z-NPRaRRsXBcGzd4avG6rY_qxEt8xk-QQE7BmIQlW71SCTIanUvVKuNGteSq6xtjIhkegvap6MYZm9BjW4rDlAhWwuWikJ-8IKsvMjPFo-LG1jWCmkJ4n6Yl4BMuNXzVYo/s1600/final+verdict.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="121" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhz9m60Y3lG0Z-NPRaRRsXBcGzd4avG6rY_qxEt8xk-QQE7BmIQlW71SCTIanUvVKuNGteSq6xtjIhkegvap6MYZm9BjW4rDlAhWwuWikJ-8IKsvMjPFo-LG1jWCmkJ4n6Yl4BMuNXzVYo/s400/final+verdict.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">For real this time.</td></tr>
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<br />Luchalmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13316015417860624051noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-68652683407809534742015-11-09T04:10:00.001-05:002015-11-11T18:37:13.428-05:00REVIEW - Five Nights At Freddy's<div style="text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwAoiIdqb3HY8RCuPdxYazI9m446se8i0sCy-XLi-gk-9YNybt0c02mnH4uPF50qVY_UumySZZrfgNpAffpztoP_uLFn_gOSeGXIvHnVbHPrgnxCWoYJ64VcfLwtt-D4QEgPM1h2XHHG4/s1600/Screenshot_2015-10-30-16-41-03.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwAoiIdqb3HY8RCuPdxYazI9m446se8i0sCy-XLi-gk-9YNybt0c02mnH4uPF50qVY_UumySZZrfgNpAffpztoP_uLFn_gOSeGXIvHnVbHPrgnxCWoYJ64VcfLwtt-D4QEgPM1h2XHHG4/s640/Screenshot_2015-10-30-16-41-03.png" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: white;">Five nights at Freddy's is a game, and I think we all</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: white;">know its fun.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: white;">Anyone who dislikes the game (including mum and dad) are permitted</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: white;">to thoroughly read beyond this point.</span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOvwsS4RqUVllEggvhzmorn9J8a2g-HguUOjEXODC3oRKeRSEZS2YkO6qrqfwzrz7F8j8d7hxWx50A_1SljrX2DxM_NICkHOYjwx6h2vt6SiTx4uCbZMGeSTCpOhyYn9lrUJfco1-MWG4/s1600/Screenshot_2015-10-30-17-00-33.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOvwsS4RqUVllEggvhzmorn9J8a2g-HguUOjEXODC3oRKeRSEZS2YkO6qrqfwzrz7F8j8d7hxWx50A_1SljrX2DxM_NICkHOYjwx6h2vt6SiTx4uCbZMGeSTCpOhyYn9lrUJfco1-MWG4/s640/Screenshot_2015-10-30-17-00-33.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red;">This is your office</span></td></tr>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY3uWhAMlwkq0P1gRlC2ETI2-zxwM1wb5y8KzaV6b64lxcK-5QuizMVy7BPWEpAVDNLhKaX6ZG6YRlcyCqxAfolfOSA9YLf75yzYD45s1IKwK3NqUvf1XfoUKe1kYtoXuFn4KV_4RdV2U/s1600/Screenshot_2015-10-30-16-36-59.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY3uWhAMlwkq0P1gRlC2ETI2-zxwM1wb5y8KzaV6b64lxcK-5QuizMVy7BPWEpAVDNLhKaX6ZG6YRlcyCqxAfolfOSA9YLf75yzYD45s1IKwK3NqUvf1XfoUKe1kYtoXuFn4KV_4RdV2U/s320/Screenshot_2015-10-30-16-36-59.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #674ea7;">This is Bonny. </span><span style="color: #f1c232;">T</span><span style="color: #bf9000;">his is Chica. </span><span style="color: #666666;">And Freddy.</span></td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhHjHa-KFHd7wMNqWgxecQmrNT823k22QFycYVwDrQLcPLu6hX0VlKS3W0oGm7wSN4MdzNlgPAgl5-tyBOz_zerB_iA5-CTxSu-B1pY3SM3udeY_i60iJ00RP9dmeiFCxaAP6NgcthRls/s1600/Screenshot_2015-10-30-17-38-19.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhHjHa-KFHd7wMNqWgxecQmrNT823k22QFycYVwDrQLcPLu6hX0VlKS3W0oGm7wSN4MdzNlgPAgl5-tyBOz_zerB_iA5-CTxSu-B1pY3SM3udeY_i60iJ00RP9dmeiFCxaAP6NgcthRls/s320/Screenshot_2015-10-30-17-38-19.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And Foxy'<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz5fkUUrT3EWXxWTWbrkmMM7yMEUxzH7z2wjhlJUVdsD_URgyOyXfWQNehSz0QdC3xHyJU9Gr1NV36nPZ6UTabBlKOIaSGsS5ecgrWK5hGXEYz-LPpn0HFVB97w3A80-oMwhxZWSkJhSU/s1600/Screenshot_2015-10-30-17-00-39.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz5fkUUrT3EWXxWTWbrkmMM7yMEUxzH7z2wjhlJUVdsD_URgyOyXfWQNehSz0QdC3xHyJU9Gr1NV36nPZ6UTabBlKOIaSGsS5ecgrWK5hGXEYz-LPpn0HFVB97w3A80-oMwhxZWSkJhSU/s400/Screenshot_2015-10-30-17-00-39.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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And <span style="color: #cc0000;">the fan</span><span style="font-size: large;">.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">This is the end of the night.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOREt4fyo8duEBTmY0XIlu5kRPvXX8eishhaCfFSw2cEkNDZvbEYK95MWpwKSrJu2s92hR_VT8izs9H155Ai5fPz0fFwoLCsbbSQewksLFZEERfbFrS8iK5QKvb7as22cK5dzE1y6BOR0/s1600/Screenshot_2015-10-30-17-04-39.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOREt4fyo8duEBTmY0XIlu5kRPvXX8eishhaCfFSw2cEkNDZvbEYK95MWpwKSrJu2s92hR_VT8izs9H155Ai5fPz0fFwoLCsbbSQewksLFZEERfbFrS8iK5QKvb7as22cK5dzE1y6BOR0/s320/Screenshot_2015-10-30-17-04-39.png" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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GAME</div>
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OVER!</div>
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<a href="http://www.bewaretherobotsquad.com/2015/11/review-five-nights-at-freddys.html#more" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWXk0pabhxxT7HnsIKjt46-qGZaUeHP9AkCxiZaCvLK7SJyoUnAzCYATX9O9YCXWeeM3m7_4m9xpsC1ia6EQUgCOpJwc2E-1dn-OqKmLlv8kG0TxZAWkkx1k_Uy02M1D1kUzw2LLpF8io/s320/Screenshot_2015-10-30-17-38-26.png" width="320" /></a>And BEFORE game over.</div>
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Handy tips!</div>
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1.<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Only close the door if necessary</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">2.If Bonnie is in the closet in the west hall</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> use the door </span></div>
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3.NEVER PLAY ONE NIGHT AT MCDONALDS . NEVER!!!</div>
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4.If you can <u>NOT</u> find Chica, close the east door </div>
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right away.compass below.</div>
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N</div>
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W E</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZhWVX2tSqJb_VxgezobxtTZ7J71JYWC84fmXBKWeFCVK4SeOAxtntGlrHGy7uPGawSzpGB9-q38hGJ5GcqlwiMxJWEmFIwE3c3hE-qpsKUBqSy8V53Njy-UF1aW1EiPnyt9xUvZA-fvE/s1600/Screenshot_2015-10-30-17-21-21.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZhWVX2tSqJb_VxgezobxtTZ7J71JYWC84fmXBKWeFCVK4SeOAxtntGlrHGy7uPGawSzpGB9-q38hGJ5GcqlwiMxJWEmFIwE3c3hE-qpsKUBqSy8V53Njy-UF1aW1EiPnyt9xUvZA-fvE/s320/Screenshot_2015-10-30-17-21-21.png" width="320" /></a></div>Snivy Fanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15452787031299865253noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4071352499139601956.post-12574045010210230052015-11-07T02:16:00.000-05:002015-11-11T18:41:22.863-05:00Retroulette #37: Star Wars: Yoda StoriesExcitement for the Star Wars franchise is once again on the rise. With every bit of news released concerning J.J. Abrams' Episode VII, fans start with the speculation and uproar. It's important to remember how big and far-reaching Star Wars is in the cultural landscape. There is anything but a shortage of Star Wars video games. More accurately, there is no shortage of <i>shitty </i>Star Wars games.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD9Q6_g2AFTvHJwExUx0kwHJ_s8JyWaYxTRcKYQjUW9TPVO7iVkyTQWZ6Zb4sTDyn3_-r8xVHRRYHghWgJQF_LLTBVqJ9pOfgs0Zthbpavw_kF6G2ETd4BniGHBwO0sEpZQFRdC4Loaeg/s1600/LogoSW.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD9Q6_g2AFTvHJwExUx0kwHJ_s8JyWaYxTRcKYQjUW9TPVO7iVkyTQWZ6Zb4sTDyn3_-r8xVHRRYHghWgJQF_LLTBVqJ9pOfgs0Zthbpavw_kF6G2ETd4BniGHBwO0sEpZQFRdC4Loaeg/s640/LogoSW.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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Star Wars: Yoda Stories begins with Yoda giving orders to Luke in the way Yoda is known for: In all caps, with plenty of exclamation marks. Yoda is the Sam Kinison of Jedi Knights, apparently.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiO95VOG7EtHH6cq6mGusJ4e7Vmvi2iXSpP5jdR6GTNj4nj5zAhAm0pKHn68fmspcpXSy8EBHa6dpvh2dNhaLi2RvpBn5Lf2QNvVMwzqiITlisRlZvT_WSouNjDs8Iu6pBo5Z-BGm8ZfI/s1600/Luke+Yoda.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="355" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiO95VOG7EtHH6cq6mGusJ4e7Vmvi2iXSpP5jdR6GTNj4nj5zAhAm0pKHn68fmspcpXSy8EBHa6dpvh2dNhaLi2RvpBn5Lf2QNvVMwzqiITlisRlZvT_WSouNjDs8Iu6pBo5Z-BGm8ZfI/s1600/Luke+Yoda.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"MY BITCH, YOU ARE!!!"</td></tr>
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So this screen goes on for what seems a few weeks, at least. Yoda's old ass goes on an on when he could have simply said "Install the power coupling in the Millennium Falcon", or however backwards way he'd say it. "Millennium coupling install in..." or some shit. I don't know. The point is, the pixels that make up Luke's face look like they're screaming in unison. If this is the premise of the game, I'm ready to sign out right now. Yoda can't tell a story to save his life, and he'd probably ruin it anyway if he tried.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbooAfxkwGEp49A9muk3tBPmjIiESNo96nG13OXDlSbSQ48z3z4d_KaPHiVqZLRJ9O9uTW_rkHKPMgRpTuQCHsGA8v6jHeiwTFxbbx4OjLe9YKZdvJGSG6VvWZjbAwGT9RLvkLSo8OHyg/s1600/Yoda+reading.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbooAfxkwGEp49A9muk3tBPmjIiESNo96nG13OXDlSbSQ48z3z4d_KaPHiVqZLRJ9O9uTW_rkHKPMgRpTuQCHsGA8v6jHeiwTFxbbx4OjLe9YKZdvJGSG6VvWZjbAwGT9RLvkLSo8OHyg/s1600/Yoda+reading.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"THE END...Tyler Durden and I are the same person. And it was then that I discovered..."</td></tr>
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After all of that is over, the game starts proper. With a name like Yoda Stories, you may expect to play as Yoda. Or at <i>least </i>carry him in your backpack while he makes snazzy quips like a green, shriveled Kazooie. But nope, you're just Luke, like every Star Wars game pre-KOTOR. At first, the game seems pretty damn awesome, because it presents itself as a Star Wars themed Zelda type game. And just thinking about that makes my Schwartz grow. But then you actually start to try to move around, and the illusion is shattered instantly.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiFD1CMEpwGk78UFLxb4D3c2efzy1tRBXjL6UGXj23H8QvTrZLmkYJrNZ8dj1D97qc464HO499SQf2hLZ9nAMWc7JsklT8bw0-9Ne2OzgdnLuiz6olsILdEjdaPY0wJYtunvW7auLbyhE/s1600/Zelda.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="352" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiFD1CMEpwGk78UFLxb4D3c2efzy1tRBXjL6UGXj23H8QvTrZLmkYJrNZ8dj1D97qc464HO499SQf2hLZ9nAMWc7JsklT8bw0-9Ne2OzgdnLuiz6olsILdEjdaPY0wJYtunvW7auLbyhE/s1600/Zelda.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hey this is pretty aweso-<b>OH FUCK THIS!</b></td></tr>
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The biggest problem is how horribly everything about the movement feels. Jerky, unresponsive, and with almost no animation. Luke just teleports from square to square on an invisible grid, and it feels so gross, you don't really notice how bad everything else about the game is. The enemies all move the same way, so it's just a mess of jumbled pixels flying all over the place. Additionally, Luke can barely swing his lightsaber and the hit detection for his gun is really spotty. But only for Luke. The stormtroopers are fuckin' snipers. So you know, the exact opposite of the movies.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQn1U8kl5PS32g7Sa4suqHUk2t66AFjq_KUuDFC75XiYxHIj8mAAGUk6sn2jOqjfwcEG0_qBbZcJ1F-uVaGJG3d1wsW_VpgzdyoaHKoBldcXPyUlmFpGEur33IImPFaeeSFjfsrmd5Jig/s1600/Stormtroops.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQn1U8kl5PS32g7Sa4suqHUk2t66AFjq_KUuDFC75XiYxHIj8mAAGUk6sn2jOqjfwcEG0_qBbZcJ1F-uVaGJG3d1wsW_VpgzdyoaHKoBldcXPyUlmFpGEur33IImPFaeeSFjfsrmd5Jig/s1600/Stormtroops.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Step away from the absurdly scaled vehicle, kid."</td></tr>
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I lurch my way from screen to screen avoiding classic Star Wars creatures, such as space snakes and space lizards. I don't even remember what I'm looking for. A power coupling or some shit? I don't know what that means. After wandering the desert aimlessly, I decide I can't handle the nauseating movement and turn it off.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDMY_JLKNRXsSpe4q0oHK_3vQxYML_KPL478IT7sXYti0XS_S7s_c23epTazBFWRVNSgYtsVmA6wE6W_C9PGlbjdxv3ELUAte5yxlhWtByu09OVrdIY7x7HTVGfj9bLmw7Gbd8OfrOFm0/s1600/YodaStories_GBC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDMY_JLKNRXsSpe4q0oHK_3vQxYML_KPL478IT7sXYti0XS_S7s_c23epTazBFWRVNSgYtsVmA6wE6W_C9PGlbjdxv3ELUAte5yxlhWtByu09OVrdIY7x7HTVGfj9bLmw7Gbd8OfrOFm0/s1600/YodaStories_GBC.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Yoda's just sitting there quietly, not screaming incoherently at you, so it's pretty misleading. Luke is ready to cut off the dude's head, and I can't really blame him.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyjoo1ICNlG2eL7Gk8pjZYBAZf5iUFTMPJav-iYVgrrbPMKhJ-mPtpdfszGwjYCeGMjhG9nLOiQ2M7TeLFhQDQmYJTz4pQcCKF9ngwWlbGfPrmKrmbu3AY_kOvBp0QlAsg7PhTV6x1XE4/s1600/final+verdict.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="122" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyjoo1ICNlG2eL7Gk8pjZYBAZf5iUFTMPJav-iYVgrrbPMKhJ-mPtpdfszGwjYCeGMjhG9nLOiQ2M7TeLFhQDQmYJTz4pQcCKF9ngwWlbGfPrmKrmbu3AY_kOvBp0QlAsg7PhTV6x1XE4/s400/final+verdict.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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If Yoda tells you he has a story to tell, run far away. Though you'll still be able to hear him yelling it out anyway.<br />
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<br />Luchalmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13316015417860624051noreply@blogger.com1