So Glad Early Access Week Is Over #7: Imagine Me

I got this game in a game bundle as a gift from my babe. So I can't really complain about it.


Or can I?

Imagine Me describes itself thusly

The world is darkness. My mind is blank, like a void. Except, well, I recall that book...and you! Help Robbe reclaim his memories in this 2D, adventure platformer. Search shadowed dungeons, face his darkest fears - and maybe some of your own.

Dungeons are filled with traps, secrets, and hidden collectibles in this non-linear story of conquering fears and finding yourself 

Now, of course that's a load of flowery bullshit. But at the very least it tells me that the developers have something they're going for with the game. The main menu, with its beautifully painted landscape and disarmingly pleasing hipster song, further reinforces that Imagine Me is one of those interesting and pretentious 2D Indie games that are all the rage these days. Then you get in the game, and you realize that there is almost nothing here at all.

Indie Game Design Tip #1: It's not lazy if you call it minimalism.

 The game offers you two modes to play: The tutorial, and a level generator. Calling the tutorial a mode is like calling banana lollies a gourmet meal. In the tutorial, you learn such valuable skills as walking, jumping, and walking and jumping. There are keys to collect sometimes, and portals that transport you from one to the other (blue and orange, because creativity was absent that day), but overall the game gives of feeling of having no hook, nothing to set it apart from any other bad platforming game. Games with jump pads and spikes are an American dime a dozen.

Except, I don't see Mario shitting out blue glitter wherever he goes.

But then you leave the tutorial and enter the game proper, and....well, it's the same thing. Only, the generated levels have the benefit of sometimes being impossible to win. It's shocking how poor the level generator is. At least half the levels are either impossible or have the exit spawn right next to the player. And that's the game, people. You can generate and play levels to your heart's content, though you'll see repeated designs after 5 or 10.

There is no way to win this level. But if you bought Imagine Me, you've already lost.

 So this game has to be very, very early in development. Like, dudes must have decided the day before this hit Early Access that they maybe wanted to make a game.

That.....that's just...

What the hell were they doing?!

The game has a sweet-ass main menu, but even I could whip that all up in a month, tops. And they're getting closer and closer to the finishing line? Motherfucker, the starting pistol hasn't even gone off.

If I disliked Early Access going into this week, I hate it now.