Thursday, May 8, 2014

Acceso Temprano #3: Interstellar Marines

I have no idea where the hell I got this game. I found it in my Steam library and it's an Early Access game so I'm going to review it and you can't stop me.

What's that? Damn you! Don't tell me what to do!!

*flips website*

Interstellar Marines is ostensibly a co-operative tactical FPS, promising nonlinear gameplay and role-playing features. It name drops games like System Shock, Half-Life, and Rainbow Six in its pitch. All of that adds up to sound like a pretty damn interesting game.

And, of course, being an Early Access game it is nothing like that right now. No, what Interstellar Marines offers for your $15 (or $40 if you want the Bullshit Extras version) is a few levels to run around and get bored in.

Eh, just put some crates everywhere. - Zero Point Software
Surprisingly, as bare bones as the game is at this point, there is multiplayer. So theoretically you could still manage to get up to some shenanigans with a couple of blokes.

If, eh.....anybody were playing.

I've joined matches of Burger King games that had plenty of people still playing (Don't ask me why I was playing them. You know what, fuck it. Big Bumpin' is awesome).  It's not entirely ridiculous to me that nobody would be playing, as literally all there is to do is walk around the environments. Admittedly some of the levels have a decent sense of atmosphere, especially when you're the only one in them. Throw an enemy into them, and you have a pretty decent Alien game.

In Interstellar Marines, no one can hear you scream.

Because no one is playing, you see.
If you join a multiplayer match, there are objective markers of some sort scattered about the level. In really nonsensical locations.

Defend the inside of this rock at any cost!
The developers are saying all the right things, but this game has been in development for years already, and still seems years away from from finished.


  1. Bullshit Extras version, now offering 49.76557% more furniture in empty rooms, and shrubbery outdoors where there was no shrubbery before.

    1. [Insert_Monty-Python-Reference.exe]

    2. lol @ expecting me to have seen movie/s.

    3. Baby, you haven't seen Jurassic Park. I don't expect anything ^_^

    4. Of course I haven't. I have seen the Matrix, though.