Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Better Chocolate Than Never #3: Chicken Shoot

Chicken Shoot is a game where you shoot chickens. Titles can't get any more succinct. In that spirit, I'll sum up my thoughts in a few words: Chicken Shoot, more like Shitcken Shit. 

Feel free to stop reading right now. It's all downhill from there.

Chicken Shoot is a German glorified flash game from 2003. The gameplay involves pointing your mouse over things and clicking, like those little banner ads you used to get before you stopped surfing the web like a caveman and installed Adblock.

"Click or don't, man. We're already installing spyware to your machine."

The game sets up the action with a brief cutscene. In it, a farmer is sleeping with his rifle, as farmers do. He wakes up and sees there's goddamn chickens on his farm. Not one to put up with livestock sashaying about his estate, our brave hero raises arms against the foul beasts.

What's next? Horses in the goddamn stables? Not on his watch.

The levels are wide landscapes filled to the fucking brim with chickens and shit. It's so easy to get overwhelmed. There's just stuff everywhere. There's always like 20 chickens on the screen, flying, dancing, shaking their ass at you, throwing eggs, popping up from behind obstacles. They go by so fast, and you can only fire a few rounds before you have to reload so you're mostly just watching things happen.

Look at the bastards, minding their own business and trying to work hard to better their situation.

After inevitably failing, you're booted back to the main menu and your options are then to either play again, or try your hand at a multiplayer game. This was actually the reason I bought the game. Sometimes you just want some Fowl Play with your babe. Steam confirms there is, in fact, multiplayer.

Remember what it says, because I'm going somewhere with this.

If you do try to get a game going, you're met with ERRORS. Try as you might, Chicken Shoot
 remains a lonely affair. I tried to email developer ToonTRAXX Studios on this issue, only to learn that they no longer exist. I feel that's not a valid excuse, so I will keep trying.

It's unacceptable that the servers aren't working after 11 years.

On the plus side, Chicken Shoot has received seasonal Easter updates in the form of painted Easter eggs replacing the normal ones. Try as I might to hate you ToonTRAXX, this is post release support. Your move, Valve.


  1. No MP support AND no controller support for controller using babes.

  2. Painted eggs could have just been chickens on a diet with no Yog-Urt and they then shitted on the eggs and it came out a weird colour because they hadn't been eating Yog-Urt (if ya know what I mean)

  3. This is the worst looking game on Robot Blog.