The Stopgap Brigade: Nintendo's E3 2013

While Sony and Microsoft tout the abilities of their new consoles, Nintendo is just quietly sitting in a corner. They've been through that shit already. Nintendo's deep into next gen already. So with no hardware talk to get in the way, it's all about the games.

The first announcement came in the form of Super Mario 3D World, a Wii U sequel of sorts to the 3DS game Super Mario 3D Land.

Admittedly, I'm a little disappointed here. I loved 3D Land. It was a fantastic Mario game that blended the older 2D based design with the larger scope of the 3D offerings. The thing is, I loved that as a handheld game. Going into E3, the thing I was looking forward to most from Nintendo was the next real console Mario game. Fuck that New Super Mario shit. Instead of that larger game in the vain of Mario Galaxy I was hoping for, we get a prettied up handheld game with NSMB's multiplayer features. Now, the game will almost assuredly be good, and that Mario game I want will be coming at some point, but I still can't help but feel a little deflated.

At least someone is happy.

After that was the expected reveal of a new Mario Kart game in the form of Mario Kart 8. It's Mario Kart alright, only now with even wilder level design brought on by anti gravity or something. It's more reminiscent of tracks from F-Zero GX, so that makes it 200% more badass by default.

Bitch is driving on the ceiling.

Wii Party U, another game in the "like Mario Party but without personality" franchise was debuted to much yawns. Similarly, Wii Fit U was announced like a quiet fart.

Nintendo then showed its commitment to third party games with a montage of games like Assassin's Creed IV, Watch Dogs, Splinter Cell:  Blacklist, Deus Ex: Human Revolution, Rayman Legends and the like. One game that does stand out is Sonic Lost World. We knew about it already but darn it that game looks fantastic. After Colors and Generations I'm just so happy I can be excited about a Sonic game again.

Also, this is as close as I'll get to playing Sonic X-treme.

Nintendo then when on to talk about The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker for the Wii U. I mean, it's Wind Waker, so it's fantastic. Rather than simply upscaling the game (like anyone with a decent PC and Dolphin could do for years) the game looks much nicer with better lighting and shaders. The art design is still absolutely timeless. A new feature is the ability to drop messages in the ocean for other players to find in their game. It's a dumb feature that will likely be abused but it's the kind of dumb I can get behind. The problem here is that, like Mario 3D Land, this is a game meant to hold us over until the real Zelda game comes out.

It'll be on sail later this year. Heh.

After much speculation about Retro Studio's next game, the supremely talented developer appears to have been working on..........a sequel to their last game. Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze is a side-scrolling 2D platformer, but now with HD graphics.

Again. Pretty disappointed. The game will be fine I'm sure, but a studio with Retro's expertise deserves to be flexing its creative muscle.

But hey, you can play as Dixie Kong now.

Yeah.........yeah.......

We got a double dose of PlatinumGames with The Wonderful 101 and Bayonetta 2. I don't know shit about The Wonderful 101 but it looks like Pikmin + Viewtiful Joe so I guess that's pretty alright? The multiplayer looked like some chaotic fun at least. Bayonetta 2 came with a trailer that made absolutely no sense to someone who never played the first game (like myself) but it featured much sexy kicking and a new hairdo for our hero. A gameplay trailer followed and that made even less sense.

Seriously, is that a blur of shapes and colors or am I having a seizure.

The real highlight of the show, at least for me, was more footage of Monolith's spiritual successor to Xenoblade, still known only as X. A seamless open world RPG, but now with mechs, this game is the game that's telling me I need a Wii U. It's absolutely gorgeous too.

Like Xenoblade, the sense of scale is jaw dropping.

And finally, the moment most fanboys were waiting for, yeah a New Smash Bros. is happening. It looks very much like a Smash Bros. game. The big reveal here is that Mega Man is joining the fight. The trailer displayed a reverence for the character and his history that his own publisher hasn't shown in years. If the only Mega Man we can get is in non Capcom games, I'll take it.

Welcome back little buddy.

Score: B

There wasn't really much here we didn't know about. And what was new mostly disappointed me. But the games on offer are bound to be quality even if they aren't the games I wanted.