You Call That a Plan? (Comic)

As we learned yesterday, the Eternal Champion is really shitty at his job. But c'mon man! The fate of the planet Earth is in the balance and THIS is what you come up with?

As always, to see it in its full sized glory, open it in a new tab.

Retroulette #28: Eternal Champions

The year is 1993. Jurassic Park is breaking box office records, What Is Love by Haddaway is taking the charts by storm, and Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter have captured the hearts and minds of young men and women in every arcade and home the world over.

Sega looked at those two games and said "Yes. Both of those things."

"At the same time."

Thus was born Eternal Champions.

A Little Pro Tip

Back up your important data. Then back up that data in two more locations, and then those two backups in eight more. If you don't have all your important files stored somewhere in your toothbrush or toaster, you're doing it wrong.

*sigh*

Here's what happened. Recently I had to move all my data from one computer to another or I would lose it. I moved it to an external hard drive, and then that hard drive started acting up. I quickly moved it to another hard drive. Then the first one went to shit and I breathed a sigh of relief. Just in time. Then the second one went tits up.

Everything. Gone.

Recovery programs only find a bunch of garbage data or nothing at all on any of the hard drives. Every single movie, picture, song, document etc. I've collected in the past 10 or so years, gone.

First hard drive that explodes, shame on me. Second hard drive that explodes, shame on the fucking universe.

The Jamirus Conclusion: Theatrythm Final Fantasy

Hello, and welcome! 

Theatryhthm Final Fantasy. 

I can sum up my feelings for this game in a single word. WHOAMGAWESOME. *Pronounced in a high pitch squeal, but was translated for your reading pleasure!*

 Welcome to the Jamirus Conclusion. Today I would like to give my thoughts and feelings on the last 3DS game that I purchased. It's got music, Final Fantasy, Rhythm based game play, and a cute art style. I welcome you all, to my first review (Well, second if you count the Crusader of Centy one I did back in 2004...)

Technical Difficulties

I'm experiencing some Technical Difficulties. I will return to a normal publication schedule ASAP.

This is pretty accurate.

It's Time to Move On

This generation will be celebrating its 7th birthday in November. With no end in sight. Ok Microsoft and Sony, time to reveal your new consoles. This PS3/360 shit is played out.

The doctor says he has about three months before he red rings.

A Short Break

After today I will be taking a little vacation. Don't cry.

Especially if you're going to look like that.

I will be back early next week! You won't get rid of me until the robots have no more use for a man writing silly things about videogames.

Jamirus, keep the people entertained!

Retroulette #27: Road Rash II

Ahhhh, another relic of my youth. Or, I think it is. I had one of the Road Rash Games, and they all look exactly the same.

Are my fond memories of this game (unless it wasn't this game) nothing but nostalgia? Or was this game (or, the one I did have) truly badass?

Greatest sounds of our generations. Now with 16 BITS!

Hello, and thank you for joining me once again, as I provide my list of the best Genesis soundtracks! 

The Sega Genesis provides some of the very best and worst in gaming music. The (OMG) 16 bit sound can sound very amazing, which you will hear soon. Now, let's get down to the list!

Ouya: A Dumb Idea With a Dumb Name?

Or a great idea? Today, the Kickstarter for the Ouya began. What is the Ouya? Well, it's an Android based games console. It's even got a touchpad on the controller and everything. Of course, immediately my mind is filled with images of shitty mobile games ported to the big screen, and of course, I hate that idea. Nobody wants a dedicated machine just to play freakin' Cut the Rope. And even worse:

"We're handing the reins over to the developer with only one condition: at least some gameplay has to be free. We borrowed the free-to-play model from games like League of Legends, Team Fortress 2, Triple Town, and many others. Developers can offer a free demo with a full-game upgrade, in-game items or powers, or ask you to subscribe."

 Free to play games at that. Now, if you don't know, "Free to Play" has become synonymous with "Terrible". For every Team Fortress 2, there's 100 Pay Money to Win IV's or There's a Reason It's Free III's.

But really, let's look at this thing.

Temporary Gaming Apathy

Does anyone else go through bouts of Temporary Gaming Apathy? When you just can't bring yourself to play any game? And if you can, it's only for like five minutes before you turn it off.

I've got that. Or, almost.

Me and Vita are still very much in the honeymoon phase of our relationship.

But try as I might, I can't gather the will to turn on my 360, PS3, or Wii, and I have a list of Steam games a mile long that I don't feel like playing. In fact, other than my Vita, the only games I'm playing are the Retroulette games!

That means, instead of playing Awesome Game 3, or Virtual Badass Simulator, I'm spending my time playing Mary-Kate and Ashley Clean Ghost Goo.

Yeah, this is waaaaaaay better than Skyrim.

And I never know how long these things last. I could be like "Meh, games" for a month, or I could be like "Woooo. GAMES!" tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. First world problems and all that. But it's a real bummer when I can't enjoy something I enjoy.

Even if I never turn on my 360 again, I've still got you, right Vita?

Hotter than Hell Game Levels

I don't know what it's like where you are, but it's hot as shit here. And honestly if you're reading this from some Siberian tundra thinking to yourself  "It's actually quite chilly", I kind of hate you right now. I don't even have any air conditioning man! Sweat is pouring down my face ars I typiwe thdhiks-

Anyway. As hot as it is, at least I'm not in any of these places.

Retroulette #26: The New Adventures of Mary-Kate and Ashley

A Mary-Kate and Ashley game! Of course. There's like 1,300 of them. There's something like a 18% chance to pick a MK&A game at any time with the Retroulette. I'm only shocked it took 26 games to finally get one.

Greatest Sounds of our Generations

Welcome! My name is Jamirus. I love video game music!

Please join me on my first blog post, as I countdown my favorite NES tracks!