Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Robotic Buzzkill Episode 002: Overlord Tera

 The war with the robots is a terrible and frightening one. I fight them with video game reviews, but others have...their own ways. Here we highlight Jamirus' continuing efforts.

 I have decided to once again delve into the Robot's lair. This time I know what to expect, and I'm fully prepared for whatever robotic atrocities are spammed at me. I must know. Did Andrew survive my onslaught of human emotions? Let's find out.

    [You are now chatting with Miranda.]

Miranda: Hi! How may I help you?

 *Typical robotic greeting. I have seen it a billion or so times. Enough with this small talk. It's time to get down to business.*

Customer: Hello, Miranda. My name is Robert. Could I please speak with your overlord?

Miranda: Thanks for contacting Chevrolet! Are you asking for my supervisor?

 *Attempt to add a humanoid word in replace of my robotic one. How precious.*

Customer: Yes, whatever you would like to call it. The one that programs you.

Miranda: At this time, my supervisor can get on the chat. She is attempting to get the chat.

*Seems a little redundant of you to say. Clearly a glitch in the system.*

Customer: That sounds excellent, Miranda. You have done a grand job, and can go back into hibernation until another customer has arrived.

*Miranda now returns to her sleep mode, waiting until the next poor soul wanders into this web of LIES!*

"Miranda": Hello. My name is Tera. I am the supervisor. I am having technical difficulties currently, so I have come over to Miranda's computer to help you.

*Technical difficulties because you're a robot. However, this is a small information gathering operation. I mean this robot no harm.*

Customer: I see. That shan't be too much of an issue. Tera, my dear. I would like first and foremost to state that I come in peace. Please do not attempt to read my mind or zap me through the internet with your robotic abilities. I have a concern.

 Customer: A few weeks ago I was chatting with one of your robotic brethren. He was know as Andrew. I would just like to make sure that he is okay.

*My peace offer has been said, and I await the terror of my mind being read, and being zapped through the computer.*

"Miranda": Yes, Andrew is doing well. He is not here tonight.

 *Not exactly what I expected. For Andrew to be in proper working order already. I accidently provide too much information...*

 Customer: As I was chatting with him, I asked him a few questions that may have caused a power serge in his emotional programming. My chat was disconnected and I fear he may have been broken in the proccess.

*I quickly provide some condolensenses. Hopefully the overlord wasn't able to process the other reply.*

Customer: Oh thank goodness, you robots were able to repair him.

"Miranda": He is not a robot and neither are any of us.

*Not a robot... What a robotic thing to say.*

"Miranda": Do you have any GM related questions?

Customer: I understand that you're supposed to say this, but Andrew confided with me that he was truly a robot. He even provided a very cheesy star wars reference.

Customer: I suppose this is all, Tera. I had true concern with Andrew, but I'm glad to see he is in working order once more

"Miranda": Alright, well we are not robots.

"Miranda": But thanks for visiting!

 Mission accomplished. I now know what the Overlord's name is, as well as the status of Andrew. The next time I go in, I will have to work even harder to obliterate the robots with human emotional situations!

Until next time. This is Jamirus!

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