Don't Call it a Review - Minecraft (Xbox360)

So. Minecraft.

Released a week ago for Xbox Live Arcade, I've put in enough hours to formulate an opinion, if not a clear one. Despite the fact that it looks like a PS1 game, my crappy ass laptop couldn't handle it, so now I can see what all the fuss is about.

Retroulette #14: Zaxxon's Motherbase 2000

Today's game is a little shoot 'em up for the Sega 32X knows as Zaxxon's Motherbase 2000. I must have missed the first 1999 (hahahaha ugh). This game looks and sounds pretty good. But let me tell you folks.


I hate this game.


I hate it so bad.

Robotic Buzzkill Episode 001: Andrew the Android

The war with the robots is a terrible and frightening one. I fight them with video game reviews, but others have...their own ways. Here we highlight one man's quest to best the machines.

Is it typing? Yes. It appears as though I have mastered this technologic device. Hello. My name is Jamirus! I am a follower of "Beware the Robot Squad". I am delighted to find another human that was as knee shakingly terrified of robots as myself.

Technology hates me, and I am terrified of it. Nearly everything I touch doesn't work or explodes. Much like Harry Dresden, but without all of the magic... and cool stuff.
I decide to take my battle with technology to the internet! It is then, at this point, the enjoyment ends, and the horrors begin. Please, join me on the most terrifying chat of any human's life.

Retroulette SPECIAL : Wolfenstein 3D

Today is a special episode of Retroulette. It's just a normal episode, the only difference being this game wasn't picked at random. Yes, I intentionally picked this game. Wolfenstien 3D was released 20 years ago and I've never really played it before.

Ok, yes, I'm a week late for the birthday.

And ok, I'm playing the SNES version, which is not 20 years old and also probably worse.

But let's not let those little details get in the way of a good time, baby.

What Do You Get For the Hero That Has Everything?

Therapy. As I've mentioned before, I have a little problem when it comes to games. WRPGs in particular.

I....

I'm a digital hoarder.

Yes, it's true. Recently I started playing Skyrim for the first time (yes, really!) and very quickly I encountered a familiar scenario.

You are carrying too much to be able to run.

Why?! Why does this always happen?

Beware the Robot Squad Anniversary Extravaganza

Wow, who thought we'd ever reach this landmark? Today marks the one month anniversary of Beware the Robot Squad, and so far we've still avoided those mechanical bastards.

When I started this blog, I thought to myself  "Golly, there's nowhere on the whole internet where people say snarky things about videogames!" So, being the pioneer that I am, I created this blog, that statistically you are reading at this very second.

Let us bring down the lights and look back at some of BRTS' memorable moments of the last 30 days.

Haha my very first post. This one really brings back memories. I was so different then.

And who could forget this instant classic.

 

An exemplary post.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ok we're done!

There were some ups and downs over these last few weeks. But we came out the other side stronger. As we raise our glasses to Beware the Robot Squad, let us wish it many more days of success. And I'll see you in another month!

(Editor's note: No you won't)

Retroulette #13: The Jetsons: Cogswell's Caper

To cleanse my palate of that horrifying Barbie game, I was given the extra manly The Jetsons: Cogswell's Caper for the Nintendo Entertainment System.


This game...

You've clearly put a lot of thought into this. (Comic)

This is based on a real conversation. Recently I got the Walking Dead game and it reminded me of the time I tried to read the comic, and how I would roll my eyes at the more heavy handed, preachy dialog.

To see it full size, open it in a new tab.

To Achieve or not to Achieve

I've come to a sad realization recently. Allow me to explain.

There's a game on Steam that looks really cool by the name of Dustforce. This game is currently on sale for $5. After looking at videos and reviews of the game I was convinced this was a game I would enjoy, and that I should purchase it. But before buying it I looked to see if there were any Achievements. This is what I saw:

One Achievement. And one that almost nobody has. It might as well not have any at all.

Retroulette #12: Barbie Game Girl

Damn it I knew this day would come. Play enough games at random and you're going to play a Barbie game eventually. But I didn't think it would be so soon. I thought I had time!

*sigh*

Today's game is Barbie Game Girl, for the Nintendo Game Boy (clever eh?)