*swats Google login away* GAH! GAH! GAH! Back!! BACK I SAID NO, I DON'T WANT TO GIVE YOU MY PHONE NUMBER FOR "SECURITY", FUCK YOU!! FUCK YOU!! I KNOW THIS IS A SCAM, DON'T FUCK WITH ME YOU.... YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! IT STARTS WITH A PHONE NUMBER THEN "SOMEHOW" I'M SEEING SHADOWS OUTSIDE OF MY FUCKING WINDOW, FUCK YOU........ I DON'T NEED WHAT TO DO, YOU, YOU TAKE THAT PHONE NUMBER AND TELL THE GOVERNMENT THEY WON'T TAKE ME AWAY LIKE THEY USED TO, AHHH MY FUCKING HANDS
Today's part 5 is Fruit Review - Pineapple. This fruit is one of the best.. let's both take a look at the history of it, and shortly after I will walk you through the steps of choosing, and cutting it.
The first thing you will notice about pineapple is the eyes on the skin.
Basically the eyes form when the pineapple is growing, one eye signifies one year in the life of the pineapple, so if you see one that has say 20 eyes, safe to say that it's old and rotten, move on to the next harvest. I love these fruits, and to be honest I've taken them and thrown them at people on numerous occasions when I was younger. Before any of you do-gooders start flooding my Google Inbox, check out this photo
I've been all over the western hemisphere. Down south you get pineapple in fruit form. You go north? The grow em in cubes, it's something to do with the climate. Now let's go through the steps of picking your ripe pineapple.
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| Building made of pineapple |
First, if you see one that looks like a nice color, with no ugly leaves or skin, check the bottom. Sometimes these bad pineapples have black or deteriorating bottom. And yes, yes, sigh... as I mentioned with other fruits, make sure it's got some weight to it. You want a juicy one!! Now smell that pineapple, if he smells good, you got yourself a winner...
Time to cut the pineapple. First pull the stalk off. You go outside and plant the stalk now, maybe you will get another pineapple. Take a sharp knife and let it run where the skin meets the fruit. Follow the shape of the fruit, but stay closer to the skin so you don't waste the fruit, you can always shave any bits of eye of later. After you have gotten the skin off, cut that light-colored core middle part out. Now you have a pineapple, and you have plenty of it. Good day.
The google announcement really deserves it's own review.
ReplyDeleteDAMMIT TRUDY, WHAT ABOUT THE PINEAPPLE?
That pineapple hat is what's missing from my life.
I'm imagining you playing fetch with a pineapple, and "accidentally" whacking passers by in the head with pineapples. Just like old times, huh?
A "black bottom"... There's a special section on redtube for that.
Thanks for helping me pick out a wynner.
Aside from leaving the U out of colour, great article. ;D
Also, google "The Big Pineapple, Australia".
When I read "The Big Pineapple, Australia", I had the feeling it was the one picture I linked in the article, then removed for some unknown reason. It was that picture. On the caption I think I put "Pineapple Temple"
DeleteAh, I do love the "babies clearly uncomfortable wearing fruit costumes" genre of photography.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, as a Level III Vegan I don't eat anything that has "eyes", even metaphorically. I make exceptions only for tigers, as their eyes give me what I need to rise up to the challenge of my rivals.
I'm starting to realize that you make many unjustified excuses for not eating fruits. I'm beginning to think this is why I don't have my own section for Fruit Reviews. You simply hate them.
DeleteFirst it was the pomegranate thing, and you could not eat it because it resembled insect hives. Now you have this attack against pineapple, and it has "too many eyes" I quote. Oh and lime, I remember, lime resembled lemon too much and brought you bad memories of some incident you had with a lemon. Let's stop playing pussyfoot, admit please that you hate all frutas.
You can't take him seriously, he's only a Level 3 Vegan.
DeleteIf Vegan were a class on Hammerwatch, I bet it'd be rubbish.
I don't think he's ever tried lime. Limecat is not pleased.
*Looks at tabs on top* Huh. That's strange, there's a segment for "branbekka". I think I even remember that "ipad talk" section, or whatever the hell it was called, having it's own review. I'll tell you what, maybe I'll pitch my fruit review idea to some of the other blogs, and see if they're as apathetic towards it as you are. And yes you guessed it, I'm starting with Quilting Patterns with Kimberly. I'll have you know that her and I have been discussing business behind closed doors, and I like what I hear. She also tells me nice things. All I get here is "Fuck you Gorilla this, Fuck you Gorilla that, fetch the trash and throw it in the dumpster. No I don't care if the bag breaks because I was too cheap to buy the half-decent ones, you clean it with the broom that breaks, and be happy about it. And pick up the shit over there"
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you just take over Top Bananas? And call it Top Cantaloupes instead?
DeleteHi and just a quick heads-up, I realize that I said a couple things in the heat of the moment, and while I am not sorry I do accept your apology. And I have found my new calling. ATTN: readers of my blog posts, from now on I will be posting here please - http://surprisingjoy.blogspot.com/?expref=next-blog
ReplyDeleteHere's a video on how to cut a coconut, I imagine it's the same way you cut a pineapple:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcKSjMrc8gc