Thursday, October 29, 2015

Stealing Fries Spitefully 54 - Tap Heroes

This game is one of the most ridiculous games I've ever played. I thought it was a cute clicker game.

Clickers are all the rage right now. People from rooftops are shouting about them. Not really, but if we didn't have the internet they would be. Well if we didn't have the internet I wouldn't have been able to buy this game. I'm making a whole lot of rookie time travel mistakes.

Tap Heroes is obviously a ported phone game. Unless you have one of those touchscreen monitors, (which, let's face it, who actually has one of those?) the name makes zero sense for a computer game.

The game mechanics are simple. Click, click, click, click, click a quarter of a million times. You begin the game with a warrior as your sole party member. You unlock a mage and a rogue soon after. The rogue seems to be hated amongst the Tap Heroes community. (Because apparently even this game has a community, albeit very small.) To progress, you must kill 10 enemies in a level, then you can continue to fight, or simply click the arrow to move along to the next area.

Tappa tappa tappa

The warrior has 4 stats to level up-

The Mage has 3-

and finally, the Rogue's 4-

There is no defense in this game, so the only way to keep your health up is by healing, buying a potion from the store and obviously increasing that stat. There's no accessories or equipment to upgrade or change. It's all just vanilla.
Kickin' that red dragon's ass.

Gold can be used to upgrade the stats, everything else is purchased or leveled using blue gems, which are quite rare. Gold is obtained via killing enemies and the occasional treasure chest. Blue gems are obtained from bosses, unlocking achievements and the even scarcer blue treasure chests. Blue gems can be used to purchase skills as well as upgrade the 3 characters by 25%. Once you've bought all there is to buy using these, I'd recommend sacrificing them at the altar. This lets you level your stats rather than having to use 99 999 gold per stat level, eventually, at first the costs are a lot lower.

Thanks, lil dudes.

One of the cool things you can buy using blue gems is a pet, whom also attacks enemies alongside your party. There's a banker, whom doubles your gold drop and with an upgrade quadruples it.

It IS possible to just let the game run and grind for you, for gold and kills (a lot of the achievements are based on these things). If you don't want to leave the game running, your characters continue to fight when you're not playing and when you re-open the game you'll have gold waiting.

The game is not hard, until you get to tough bosses. Every 100 levels you will be up against a dragon. I myself, am at level 400 and frankly I'm just over it. I seemingly cruise through the levels until I get to these bastards and then I find myself having to leave my computer on all day just to get enough fucking gold to upgrade my stats so I'm not annihilated in one shot.

Finally made it out of the green dragon boss alive.

My hand hurts, my wrist hurts, my pride hurts because I won't let an "easy" game where the premise is to click constantly beat me. Instead I let it take over my life and accept the game as my master.

Even more annoyingly, because of my "interest" in Tap Heroes, Steam is recommending me Clicker Heroes, Tap Tap Infinity and Time Clickers. Hell, if there was a Granny Racing Tappers, Steam would be recommending me that.

                                         OUCH MY NUTBUG HAND


  1. The worst part about this game is it intrudes on all our Tales of Graces time!

    1. Tales intrudes on Lozza G, Lozza G intrudes on Wendy Wax. It's a vicious cycle.