Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Top 5 Spookiest Games of All Time - Luchalma Edition

You've seen what Jamirus thinks qualifies as "spooky games". But here's the difference between me and him: I'm easy as hell to scare.  I could be playing Kirby's Happy Funtime, but if I hear a baby crying, and I don't see a baby, that shit is getting turned right the hell off. If I'm walking through a dark hallway with a flashlight and I hear a door slam shut, DONE.

These are the games that not only prevented me from playing them, but prevented me from wearing dry pants.


Number 5

Condemned: Criminal Origins


This is a game about a serial killer and...uh, birds I guess. Honestly I never got too far in this game. The day I got it I played for about half an hour until someone popped out from the shadows and hit me with a bat or something. I shut the game off and never turned it back on again.

The rest of the game is probably scary too. Thus, it makes the list.


Number 4

Resident Evil Remake 

Jamirus explained pretty well what makes this game scary. But in case you need a refresher: Fuckin' Crimson Heads. These sons of bitches will play dead until you're close to them, and then get up and run at you like you owe them money. To make matters worse, your character has the maneuverability of a beached whale. Poor Lisa Trevor must also be given credit for the many shits she induced.

On...uh...on second thought, let's just ignore her.. Somebody change the subject!


 Number 3

Silent Hill 2 

The Silent Hill series could take up this entire list. It doesn't rely on spooky monsters popping out at you to scare you. No, this is more psychological. Every sound you think you heard, every shape you thought you saw in the fog, it all slowly chips away at your sanity until you're nothing but a blubbery pile of convulsing flesh writhing in a puddle of urine. 

Also, Pyramid Head.

He may be known today as the cuddly mascot of the Silent Hill franchise, but in this game he symbolized something. And that "something" was the times I conveniently had to leave the room so my friend had to take over for me.


Number 2

Amnesia The Dark Descent

If you have not played this game, you do not know fear. You may be familiar with the word. You may even be able to define it. But you have not experienced it. That time the doctor told you you might have Super AIDS? There's a reason he lost his license. The time that homeless man chased you with a machete? That's just how they say hello. No....Amnesia is something different. It's more primal.

You wake up in a castle with...well, with Amnesia. And in classic amnesia fashion, you have to figure out what the hell happened to you. Unfortunately, blocking your path to Memorytown are a series of Lovecraftian horrors who want nothing more than to nibble your tender body. What makes Amnesia different from the already mentioned games is you don't have shit to defend yourself with. Even Silent Hill will give you a plank of wood to make you feel secure. Here, you have only your walkin' sticks to keep you out of harms way. 

When you're running, hearing the footsteps of some unspeakable evil shambling its way behind you, and you hit a dead end...

That's fear.


Number 1


What is that?



  1. Gorilla Evincing Lack Of Legal KnowledgeOctober 31, 2012 at 10:03 PM

    What is this? You idiots, one of you already posted this EXACT SAME CLAUSE. You only have two defendants working there, and you cannot even coordinate posting the proper affidavits and such. It's pro-se's like you who make gamers look lazy. I'm holding on to this as evidence, and I plan to make you suffer non-pros.

  2. Where be slender? D:

    I would also like to see a top 10 scary movie list, Zach!

  3. Also, Arucard, did you like SH4: The Room? I actually really, really enjoyed it.

    1. Good stuff. SH2 is the apex of the series, but there's still a lot of stuff to like in the rest of the entries. Most of them anyway.