Chopping Block #14: Dinner Date

For our one month anniversary, we decided we'd go on a date together.
That's right, mates, step up for Dinner Date.

Just chillin' at the dinner table. (Who the hell is this guy?) Slowly going insane. Talking to myself. When will she get here? She liked me, right? She wanted to shag me? I'm sure she won't mind I'm too stingy to buy a proper vase or candle holder. I'll just have one glass of wine. I'll be fine. Then we'll dine.

 

She sure is late, though. Maybe if I check the clock continually she'll turn up like a fish on land. I keep twitching my fingers because I want to light up. I might just nibble some of this bread. Hmmm. Tastes good. (That's funny, because from our perspective it looks grosser than Godzilla's ass.) More wine? Why not?

She's not going to show up. How about I eat this soup? (Babes thinks it looks like period.) Drunk off just 2 glasses? (I don't even like wine, but man, what a pussy.) And what's the deal with my friend? At least he's getting shagged reguarly.

I hear the door! She's here. Oh, man... that's not her.You're 27, man, when are you going to meet someone? (Get your head in the game, like EA Sports.) Maybe I'll go out with the fellas, get plastered some more.

Time for a cigarette? After all, she's not showing. (You cooked her soup and bread, you're lucky she even breathed the same air as you.)

I'm too drunk to walk. (Perhaps put out those candles, you wouldn't want that beautiful dino comic to burn up)

{  ~ * ~ • ~ • ~ * ~  }

Ah, another happy ending. When we're not drowning puffins or dying on Mars, we're getting stood up.